Shocked and desperately need advice!

Little_Miss_Winner

Re: comment by Pot o' Gold, unfortunately I don't think you ever get to know somebody 100%. People can have affairs for years without their partners finding out. Even murderers can be unsuspected by their families! He may have already been in debt before we got together and kept it from me!

Hi DDD,

Yes hands up i apologise i may have been a little harsh, and after having it explained, that it probably only equates to approx £4k a year without interest, it's all too easy to see how it's accumalated.:o

in my defence though, the point i was trying to get accross (although terribly now i realise):rolleyes: is please don't just bail your hubby ouit with your inheritance, without a proper plan of action, with your hubby as the investigator.
I would hate for the money you was left by your mum, to be swallowed up in re-payments, only to find yourselves back in this position a couple of years down the line....:eek:

hugs, and happy birthday!:A , I'm actually quite nice......:D

Pot
xxxx

dizzydaydream

Hi Saraht and Pot'o'gold! Thank you for your kind words and support. No, I don't think he's really facing up to it and probably does think that I will deal with it and sort it out for him! Give him his due though he has gone online to cccs and got a debt management plan that he may take up but from what I can make out, I will be affected by it too as we have a joint account plus the mortgage.
I totally understood and agreed with you Pot'o'gold! Perhaps I didn't express myself very well!Lol! Until I see his statements, which he seems very reluctant to get, I don't trust him! There's absolutely nothing to show for that money! I hardly ever go to the hairdressers, maybe once a year the rest of the time I cut my own as well as the kids, the kids wear hand-me-downs, I bought my maternity clothes and babe's clothes off ebay, my 'normal' clothes I've had for years or have been passed on to me, I've always budgeted! Most of the furniture in our house is either second hand or been passed to us! I've only just began thinking about mum's money and how I should use it. I even said to my girls that I would take them clothes shopping - something we've never done! My car's on it's last legs too and only last week I was considering buying a new car! It hurts me to think that my mum's hard earned money may be just swallowed up in debt and I know she'd be turning in her grave to think that I haven't even benefited from it! I've always scrimped and saved and only buy necessities so although we've got a short fall in our budget, I've got money to cover it - at the moment! I'm hoping the debt is genuine but I'm suspicious and know that if I hadn't have 'forced' the issue out into the open, I still would be none the wiser. I think I'm going to wait until I see those statements before I decide to do anything.

keatergreyhound

Hiya
I dont normally post in this board but do read
By my shy workings out you should be getting at least £100 a week tax credits with you not working
If you havent had anything for 2 years they would have had to have overpaid you by £10000 plus for them not to owe you anything, plus you get extra for the newborn
Please give them a ring tommorow. Even if you do owe them a bit they will ceetainly owe you some now and then you can sort out your new payments and touch wood a big payment for what they owe you.

Little_Miss_Winner

Hiya,

Hows your day been? - or is that a stupid question?

Has he actually got the statements at home, or has he applied for them? Has he said.

I can bet he is relieved that it is all out in the open, and i can also bet that he's relived that you have taken this so well.

It's ok to shout and scream if you need too, someone is always around on these boards for support.

PM me if you need too, i may not have the answers but i'm a good listener.

hugs to you, and big kiss to new baby xx

pot
x

miggy

dizzydaydream wrote:

It's my birthday today (34 eeek!), all my kids are excited, my hubby feels "10 stone lighter!" and I feel like sh*t! Where's my Fairy Godmother!?!

Happy Birthday
So sorry it all got dumped on you especially right now... but it will get better. There are quite a few disguised Fairy Godmothers around here! You will soon get the knack of spotting them!
Tomorrow is another day and you will begin to find ways to improve your situation.
:grouphug:

chevalier

Hi there, sorry to hear of your situation my comments are in blue.

Income

Husband's Salary - £1500 flat without OT but OT available
My Salary -£0 at mo' but when I am working varies from £100 - £800Even if you are self employed can you not get statutory maternity pay which I think is £80 a week?
Other - £257.50 What is other?
Child benefit - £210 (not including newborn yet!)have you applied? Remember you also get the £250 child trust fund grant too.
DLA - £176.60As others have said I think you really should apply for carers allowance. You have nothing to lose by trying. Also if you look at https://www.entitledto.co.uk then you can check about working family tax credit too. If you have not been paid anything for two years, then if there was an overpayment, then it should have been eaten up by the money they haven't paid you in the meantime.

Can you both do extra from home, ie earn vouchers, points towards money off coupons, cash, by doing surveys, click throughs, and email sign ups? Whilst it won't totally get you out of the hole you find yourself in, every little helps. The click throughs I do via https://www.quidco.com, will net me £300 in a year, for a minutes work a day. I have also got vouchers doing surveys at https://www.lightspeed.com. For you specifically there is https://www.mumsopinions.co.uk which is surveys for cash, about baby issues. Perfect for you!:D
TOTAL - £2144.10

Out goings

Northern Rock Mortgage - £920 Please tell me this is repayment. Is this up to date? Can you get a mortgage holiday? Or a better deal?
Council Tax - £106
Gas & Electricity Powergen - £87Is this the cheapest for both? Check on https://www.uswitch.com and see (you will need your bills for this one), then once you have got the cheapest provider, sign up to it via uswitch or quidco depending on which one give you the better cash back
Sky tv & phone - £56.65 Phone sky and say you have to cancel due to finances, they will often cut you a deal, but you have to ask to speak to disconnections rather than just general customer service. Or can you get this sky package they are advertising on the tele, where you get sky, phone and broadband for £26?
BT line rental - £11.50
Wanadoo Broadband - £17.99If you managed to get the sky package you would be saving this.
Tesco Dog Insurance - £13.94This is a bit higher than others I have seen, I gather M
&S do a pretty good one
Repair Protection - £7.50 (don't know what it's protecting! Will find out!)Maybe the boiler?
Centrepoint House Insurance - £31.58Is this building AND contents insurance? If it is just one or the other than it is very high, and you can do better,
American Life Insurance - £4.95What is this for?
Charity - £16.00 (Definitey going!)
Magazine subscription - £1.50
L & G Assce Insurance - £68.98As above what is this for
Kids' Performing Arts Classes - £180
Shopping - £400 I spend £850 a quarter on food AND petrol for two adults and 2 small children. When you are less sore you can tackle this by going over to the Old Style board for inspiration, plan meals, and only by what you need for the plan. I found that shopping online, cut down on the nag factor, impulse buy. Also I can guarantee to find somewhere a code for free delivery (so saves petrol) or extra points etc
Petrol for 2 cars - £150 (need both as hubby works shifts)
Car Insurance - £70 (total guess-both paid in full)Again you need to check that these are the cheapest, even via your current provider. I managed to get £120 off my quote this time round, by saying I was going to leave (I really was mind),
Mobile phones - £100 (mine & kids are payasyougo, hubby on contract)
School trips/swimming etc - £20
Cigarettes - £100 (He'll have to quit)
Work snacks/food - £70 (:eek:) jam sarnies and a flask from now on!!!!!:eek:
TOTAL - £2433.59

SAVINGS

£21,000 - Inheritance from Mum :A I would suggest that you use half of this and keep half. You need a safety net for you and the children. The other two below I would suggest you use.
£400 - Tesco shares if sold at present rate
£3,000 - ISA
Hubby has Tesco SAYE & BAYE share schemes running

APPROX. DEBTS AND PAYMENTS OH BOY:eek: This is where we really need the APRS of the cards. If you took my suggestion you would have about £14,000 to pay off the cards with the highest rates. Then with the monthly money not being paid on them, you put that to the card with the next highest debt and so on (snowballing). There is a snowball calculator at https://www.whatsthecost.co.uk (I think) which works out how much interest you would pay under different scenarios. It also tells you when your debt free date is:eek:

MBNA - £6000 MONTHLY PAYMENT £150
MORGAN STANLEY - £3500 MONTHLY PAYMENT £90
MINT - £4000 MONTHLY PAYMENT £90
AMEX - £800 MONTHLY PAYMENT £30
ABBEY - £10000 MONTHLY PAYMENT £313
EGG - 4000 MONTHLY PAYMENT £90
CITICARD - £8500 MONTHLY PAYMENT £270
EGG LOAN - £13000 MONTHLY PAYMENT £284

TOTAL PAYMENTS PER MONTH - £1317

With regards to the statements that have been thrown away, most if not all of these creditors will have online banking, which your OH can register for. You can then get all the old statements and really go through what it was spent on. I know others have said that you have to fix the crisis now, but having been in a family with a compulsive gambler, it is also important to rule this out as well. Because if he is gambling, and he isn't getting help, then sorting this out now will not get it sorted long term.


sorry this is so long, but it struck a cord. I hope some of it was worth reading.
chev[/QUOTE]

taffgaff

Hi,

I'm Dizzy Daydream's husband and have read all your posts with interest. However I think it's about time I put my side across as so far I've been accused of having a secret life, having a gambling addiction, I'll probably be a crack addict next. Don't get me wrong, all the practical advice we receive we are truly grateful for but in answer to all the people so far who only seem interested in asking 'Where did all the money go (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)? please read the following and perhaps things will become clearer.

When I first met my wife I was nearly thirty with a cheap mortgage supplemented by my lodger. I was never brilliant with money but under those circumstances I managed okay. Within a year of getting together with my wife I jumped from looking after myself to looking after myself, Dizzy and three children. We bought a house which doubled my previous mortgage payment and then a year or so after we married Dizzy took a long career break to look after my stepson who had been diagnosed on the autistic spectrum.
Yes Dizzy has been doing parties for a couple of years but there was a solid period of three years where she did not work and I payed virtually everything. This included a £900 mortgage plus a regular £500 a month into our joint account for bills, insurances etc. Not including shopping and other goods I'm sure you can see how a £1500 month pay cheque was stretched. Dizzy mentioned that we'd only had two holidays, what she didn't mention was that they both cost £5K plus and that was before we even got there and started spending. This was followed by paying Dizzy's mum back £5K that we owed her. When you consider that all those were paid by credit card that accounts for £15K of debt in one hit.
I was silly in that I single handedly contributed towards Amazon, CDWow & Play.com's profits during this time and also because I didn't deal with it earlier but the truth is somehow, someway I managed to meet most of the payments, unfortunately by borrowing elsewhere most of the time. The word 'spiral' is often used when referring to debt and I can see why. At a certain point the combined interest eventually started to drag me down and the debt accelerated at a faster rate than I could pay back.
Taking into account our monthly overspend and the fact I paid everything for the best part of three years along with £15K in three hits I hope some of you can see that this debt wasn't accrued by anything sinister, just my own stupidity.
I am lucky that I have Dizzy who is willing to stand by me when by rights she should kick me out. I am going to do everything I can to make things right for her. As for a gambling addiction: I have access to two computers, one at work (with a firewall so powerful I wouldn't even be able to access gambling sites) and one at home (with an even more powerful firewall called Dizzy). Dizzy herself will tell you that I never go out (maybe 3 times a year to play pool and the occasional works Xmas do which I haven't done for about two years).
In summary, this is my fault and its up to me to sort it. However I hope this mail goes some way to explaining how the debt was accrued. Trust me, you don't need to have addictions or skeletons in the cupboard to get in a financial mess.

all_hours

If he doesn't have the past statements he can ask the banks and cards to send them to him.

Did he have paid driving lessons and when he passed his test did he buy a car or was one passed on to you? This could account for a chunk of the debt.

tourette_t-shirts

I think everything has been said on this thread of things you can do.

Good luck with everything and you wil get there in the end.

And congrats on the new baby - dont be too hard on your husband ,he will be beating himself enough over it im sure!!


Just read Mr Dizzys post - sounds like you had i tough stretching the money .Again good luck to you in sorting your debts and as you say you dont have an addiction to anything so your already at an advantage to re-paying your debts.

moxie_2

I've been reading all this with great interest. I just want to say that I completely agree, that you don't have to have a secret gambling problem, or drug addiction to get massively into debt. My own debt was caused by divorce and then me bringing up my 2 girls on my own, with a small income, virtually no help from my ex and living in London. It just spiralled over the past 15 years, a bit here, borrow from there, extend the overdraft etc. It's too easy! The important thing now is that the 2 of you are facing up to the problem and doing something about it. I would strongly recommend getting in touch with Payplan or CCCS for some professional and free advice. I'm with Payplan and can't recommend them highly enough. Good luck to you both.