Shocked and desperately need advice!

krisskross

Who is the DLA for? Could you claim carers allowance?

mrslawrence2003

dizzydaydream wrote:

Thanks to you both! Hubby says he just didn't adjust from living on his own to having a family (3 of my kids are from a previous relationship). We've been together for 7 years now so hopefully he has now! Some of the money would be from mini cabs to and fro work before he could drive and he likes his cd's, dvd's and books! But I still think it's a lot of debt as we've only been on holiday for the last two years and it's not as if we live in the lap of luxury! From what I can work out he's been borrowing from one card to pay off another and this has gradually built up. I've never had a credit card so don't know how this exactly works!
Thanks for the advice about The Old-style Board I haven't found that yet but will definitely have a look! As far as cutting back on the kids' Performing Arts, I couldn't! They all love it so much, the eldest started when she was 18 months and has all her friends there plus they're really good kids and never ask for anything! The dog isn't old but has a metal plate in her leg from being run over so don't really want to cancel the insurance. I'm going to see about looking into the phone, sky and broadband to see if there are better options out there and I'll take your advice about contacting Payplan or CCCS are the contact details on this site somewhere? I don't expect an immediate reply as I've just seen the time! Joys of a new baby with colic! Lol!

on the phone / broadband - do you realise that through wanadoo you get free phonecalls? (cant remember the restrictions but basically it works like skype) so u may be able to make savings there. i would also strongly suggest cutting out sky, and swapping for freeview. i understand that you wouldnt need to buy a new digibox as you can use your existing sky equipment, it's just free and you dont get all the sky channels. i know people dont like to give up sky, but there are loads of channels available now on freeview and it would make a big saving for you.

alternatively, if not possible to give up, how about getting the free broadband through sky?

if you are stuck in contract with sky, try calling them and explaining your financial difficulties and asking if you can cancel. if that fails, get them to reduce the package to the lowest available.

regarding broadband (sorry waffling i know) i am also with wanadoo and am currently looking into better / cheaper options. BT have various special offers on to do with broadband and mobile phone offers and this may well work out far cheaper than all the separate bits you have at the mo. well worth a look!

good luck!

all_hours

Debt_Free_Chick wrote:

Your regular monthly position with no debts is not healthy. With even a tiny amount of debt, it's precarious - unless you address the spending and/or generate more income. Don't fanny about looking at where the money went just now - leave that for later. You must address your monthly budget first; pay off what you can from savings/inheritance and then address the minimum repayments on the remaining debt.

I agree that they should address the monthly budget but I think she should look at where the money has gone before she decides whether to use the savings.

If the majority of the debt has been generated by the husband from overspending or a gambling problem then if she throws £20k at it - it doesn't solve the problem. Allowing his credit rating to be ruined could be a better option.

If, on the other hand, the debt is because the household income and expenditure has been running at a deficit for 7 years then that's something they should tackle together.

The £300 monthly deficit is because the op isn't working as she's just had a baby. The SOA says that her income is between £100 and £800 a month. If she could clarify what her average income is and when she intends to return to work this would help.

bandraoi

Running a few numbers, very ball park.
Spending an extra £4000 per year (just over £300 per month) will accrue a debt of £50000 in 7 years, if it's all borrowed at 15% interest (it's mostly on credit cards)

Your own statement of assets says that even without debt repayments, you're overspending by £290 per week. Granted you're not working at the moment but your SOA also misses out alot of incidentals - birthdays, christmas etc. You may pay for them out of "your money" but surely that's coming out of your wages, which have been counted in income?

DDD this isn't your husbands debt, this is both your debt. He handled the finances so you didn't know about it. Now you do, and it's fantastic that you've decided to do something about it.

As described above, you need to trim your budget by a huge amount or the situation will never improve. You are spending a months wages (1/12th of your income) on drama for the children every year. They may love it, but I think you really need to think about that.

You were thinking of moving anyway, could you move to a slightly larger house, but compromise on the area and find something cheaper, maybe something closer/more convenient to your husbands work so that you could lose a car/reduce fuel costs.

Can you down grade your cars to less petrol consuming models?

dizzydaydream

Thanks again to all! I'll try and answer you all at once! Yes, our budget's out at the mo' due to me not working but that's only been the past 4 weeks and as soon as I start getting bookings again I'll work but haven't actively advertised for the past 4 months as baby was on the way and it was tiring me out too much doing parties all weekend! Unfortunately my income varies due to the amount of bookings I get and the size of the party. Working it out over the year, I earnt £510 per month on average last year but due to the pregnancy this is less than previous years. I used to teach for the performing arts school that the kids attend so my wage used to pay for the lessons but had to stop teaching when I had baby no.4 as too much juggling was involved with the times they wanted me to teach. I am going to talk to the lady who runs the school to see if I can somehow go back to teaching there or cut some of their classes, as I said previously, the kids are as good as gold and wouldn't mind, I'd just feel bad as they don't get pocket money, they're not at all spoilt and it's their love! I did set up my own school but I was too soft and some people took the pee about paying their fees! I need a lesson on toughening up!Lol! Whatever job I get, I'm going to have to have somebody look after the kids as hubby does 12 hour shifts on a 4 week rota! I get DLA for my little boy as he's got AIA (Allergy Induced Autism) and a speech and language disorder (another problem as far as babysitters/childminders go). I have thought about carers allowance but don't know if I'd be entitled to it or not? To move to a bigger but cheaper house would mean moving further away from his work so wouldn't really solve anything plus the kids would have to change schools - not good for my little boy! Hubby has contacted cccs so we've got an option there for a debt management plan. Going to look into other ways first though!

Debt_Free_Chick

dizzydaydream wrote:

Thanks again to all! I'll try and answer you all at once! Yes, our budget's out at the mo' due to me not working but that's only been the past 4 weeks and as soon as I start getting bookings again I'll work but haven't actively advertised for the past 4 months as baby was on the way and it was tiring me out too much doing parties all weekend! Unfortunately my income varies due to the amount of bookings I get and the size of the party. Working it out over the year, I earnt £510 per month on average last year but due to the pregnancy this is less than previous years.

Just my view, but you should have a budget based on your hubby's income only (excluding overtime). This means that - in the worst case - you can pay your bills without increasing your debt.

If you then work, then your earnings are a "bonus" which you can put towards paying off your debts .... or simply treating yourselves/the kids.

Don't budget on earnings that are uncertain. It really is a recipe for more debt

Good luck and keep us posted

TallGirl

Please check what benefit you are entitled to first, call the Benefit Enquiry Line 0800 882200 (free advice) and they will tell you everything you are entitled too. Please please do it and you might just make up that shortfall.

dizzydaydream

Until yesterday, I thought that's what we were more or less doing! He paid for the mortgage out of his own account and out of our joint came all the bills which I regulary paid into.Everything was paid up and except for the mortgage we had no debt! I'm one of these people who always pays by cash or debit card, I don't even like writing cheques! Anything my hubby bought for himself dvd's, cd's, books, cigs, magazines etc I presumed he could pay for. I had no idea what credit cards he had or what was on them! I didn't even know his exact earnings as they are paid into his own account! He hasn't kept any statements - credit card or bank so I don't know where the money's gone or what it's been spent on. Re: comment by Pot o' Gold, unfortunately I don't think you ever get to know somebody 100%. People can have affairs for years without their partners finding out. Even murderers can be unsuspected by their families! He may have already been in debt before we got together and kept it from me!
It's my birthday today (34 eeek!), all my kids are excited, my hubby feels "10 stone lighter!" and I feel like sh*t! Where's my Fairy Godmother!?!

dizzydaydream

Thank you TallGirl, I'll do that! Sorry for sounding so down everyone, I know there's people in a far worse position than we are! I'm just still in shock!

summerday

Happy birthday Dizzydaydream,

Just wanted to say I'm really sorry you're having to deal with all this, there has been some really good advice posted and you should think about it all. Look after your health. Your hubby may well feel relieved but make sure its not a case that he's leaving it all to you to sort out, its not your fault that it got run up and with a newborn you're the one least able to do anything about it. Is he really facing up to things and wanting to take action to improve it?
sarah x