Advice needed: it's a mother issue

Oldernotwiser

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Yes we have always had a volatile relationship since I reached about 13. She is very controlling and we have had major rows for as long as I can remember. Her whole family are the same with each other and rows are just something that happen. They are a big family of siblings though so as they grew up it must've been the way things got settled. The thing is, not one among them holds a grudge and after an hour they forget what they've fallen out about and they get on again.

This is how we used to be when we were all living in the same house: have a big bust up and then a bit later on we'd be fine again. As I've moved away and got my own family I've realised it's destructive behaviour and it's not the sort of thing I want to perpetuate in front of my own child. I need to find a better way of coping with the goading, but it's so ingrained in both of us to snipe back that neither of us seem able to stop it.

I find your language rather telling here. Why do you talk about "her family" and your "own family" as if they're somehow separate? Surely you're all just part of the same family?