We are about to pull the purse strings soooo tight!

Alice_in_Poorland

We've talked, talked and talked some more tonight. We are both going to try and sort it out but have both agreed that if it doesn't work out then we will seek professional help. Will see how it goes.:(

On the money front we've had our new council tax bill.:eek:

OH put some petrol in my car tonight so not a NSD but yesterday was, number 7.:)

xx

mummytogirls

Oh AliceI am sorry to hear you guys are having a bit of a rough time at the mo . But you are working through it which is a good thing.

We had our council tax bill too, has gone up but only a few £'s a month... could have been worse I guess! Hope yours isnt too bad.

Chin up xxx

youareallhelpingme

Alice - I dont know if you remember Hypno's diaries, but each time she reached a milestone rather than excitement she had real down times. Maybe the relief of getting the car paid off and the disappointment that money isn't now free for you to spend on something nice like a holiday is also having an additional effect?

Eager_Elephant

Alice_in_Poorland wrote: »

I think going to Relate would help us immensely but OH isn't keen (was before either!) and you are so spot on our relationship is more like adult/child than a marriage.

I know I still have a major problem in dealing with what has gone on and I think its because he didn't seem to 'hurt' like I did, didn't seem to sufffer. He didn't see how upset the kids were. He came back after the 'incident' and everybody forgave him, his parents, my parents, our friends and everything went back to normal....(whatever normal is!).

My DH was not keen either but it was either that or leave and of course he wanted to stay.

I so wanted my DH to suffer for all the hurt he put us through as well and I expected/wanted the lady at Relate to 'tell him off' but she didn't and I was so annoyed :rotfl:

But she made us think through how we acted and how our parents had acted and how this led on to our problems today - it was quite interesting apart from the fact I would cry for most of the session :rotfl:

One of the things I learnt which I still try to use today is when telling your DH that he has upset you instead of using the word You did/didn't...... you turn it around to be I feel/think/know ........ which instead of making it an accusatory thing turns it to be about how you feel and no one can dismiss how you feel:T

TBH because DH is ill I can't leave him but maybe one day one of his emotional affairs will become reality and he will leave me thus relieving me of the guilt of ending our marriage
(The chances of this happening are actually quite slim as he hasn't done this since he fell ill in Jan 11 and he told me that coming close to death (he wasn't really dying but we thought he was) made him realise what he had put me through and actually since he has been ill he has been a much better husband (well apart from the day he went missing but that is a whole other story related to his serious mental health problems)


Anyway enough about me - I saw that you have agreed to talk and I think that is a great first step.:T

PinotGrigio41

Oh Alice, I have just read your posts over the last few days, but I am rushing and I dont have time to reply to you properly. I can see that EE as always and the lovely Mrs B have been there for you and given sound advice as always.

Jut wanted to send you some dodgy hugs and I will be back later hopefully, couldn't read and run though. xxx

Alice_in_Poorland

mummytogirls wrote: »

Oh AliceI am sorry to hear you guys are having a bit of a rough time at the mo . But you are working through it which is a good thing.

We had our council tax bill too, has gone up but only a few £'s a month... could have been worse I guess! Hope yours isnt too bad.

Chin up xxx

Thanks mummy, I've finally got round to reading the council tax bill properly and ours has only gone up a few £'s too. Phew!!

xx

Alice_in_Poorland

youareallhelpingme wrote: »

Alice - I dont know if you remember Hypno's diaries, but each time she reached a milestone rather than excitement she had real down times. Maybe the relief of getting the car paid off and the disappointment that money isn't now free for you to spend on something nice like a holiday is also having an additional effect?

Hi,

I don't recall Hypno's diaries, I'll have to have a search.

and I think your're right,the fact that the money isn't 'spare' could we have something to do with it. But in only 5ish years we will have £475 per month 'spare'......I must remember that. :D

xx

Alice_in_Poorland

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

My DH was not keen either but it was either that or leave and of course he wanted to stay.

I so wanted my DH to suffer for all the hurt he put us through as well and I expected/wanted the lady at Relate to 'tell him off' but she didn't and I was so annoyed :rotfl:

Thank you EE, you are so right about me 'wanting him to be told off', but at the time it almost seemed like everybody brushed under the carpet and forgot about what he had done....perhaps it was because I seemded to be OK with it and it looked like I had forgiven him.

But she made us think through how we acted and how our parents had acted and how this led on to our problems today - it was quite interesting apart from the fact I would cry for most of the session :rotfl:

One of the things I learnt which I still try to use today is when telling your DH that he has upset you instead of using the word You did/didn't...... you turn it around to be I feel/think/know ........ which instead of making it an accusatory thing turns it to be about how you feel and no one can dismiss how you feel:T

That's a good point, I will try that. We're still treading on egg shells a bit at the moment, although to be fair this is a crazy week and there isn't one night this week when we are all in the house together.....possibly a good thing, let things settle down.

TBH because DH is ill I can't leave him but maybe one day one of his emotional affairs will become reality and he will leave me thus relieving me of the guilt of ending our marriage
(The chances of this happening are actually quite slim as he hasn't done this since he fell ill in Jan 11 and he told me that coming close to death (he wasn't really dying but we thought he was) made him realise what he had put me through and actually since he has been ill he has been a much better husband (well apart from the day he went missing but that is a whole other story related to his serious mental health problems)

Anyway enough about me - I saw that you have agreed to talk and I think that is a great first step.:T

Thank you for your post EE.xx

Alice_in_Poorland

PinotGrigio41 wrote: »

Oh Alice, I have just read your posts over the last few days, but I am rushing and I dont have time to reply to you properly. I can see that EE as always and the lovely Mrs B have been there for you and given sound advice as always.

Jut wanted to send you some dodgy hugs and I will be back later hopefully, couldn't read and run though. xxx

Aww thank you Mrs PG.

Everybody has been so kind and I've had some really good advice. I'm hopeful we can sort it out. xx

Alice_in_Poorland

We're having one of those busy weeks. Everybody is here there and everywhere. :eek:

Thank you to everybody for your kind words and advice, Me and OH are doing OK, everything seems a bit raw at the moment and I feel a bit like I did when I put my first post on here.....but onwards and upwards.:)

xx