We are about to pull the purse strings soooo tight!

Alice_in_Poorland

I've had a lazy morning, didn't get up until 8.30ish, had breakfast and then put a conditioning thingy on my hair, lounged about whilst it was doing its thing, showered and then sorted some stuff for fleabay.......which I have just finished putting on.:)

The weather is pants today and it feels really damp and chilly in the house, plus the washing isn't drying so will time the heating to come on later. We are going to a birthday party this afternoon so it should just take the chill off for when we get back.

Have sorted bus money, milk money, OHs football money and that leaves 56p in my purse.

Today will hopefully be a NSD (NSD7).

Still need to clean bathrooms and tidy DS3s bedroom.

xx

Alice_in_Poorland

How did it get to Sunday night already??:(

Well I think we've had another LBM today....and another row.:(

We went to the birthday party (used DS1s car) and it was great to see everyone, all going well until we were asked to go on holiday with friends again. We've been asked before and managed to get out of it and OH has made excuses for not going on a lads weekend away but this time it was like something just clicked in OHs head. When we got home and out of earshot of the kids OH asked why we couldn't afford to go on holiday, of course we know why but on our wages we should be able and yes we should be we can't....aargghh.

Then we had a major row and as always I said to him that he should pay more attention to our finances, budget, DMP etc etc also said some other things we are totally irrelevant to our financial situation. I don't want to turn this into 'My mid life crisis diary', and I know the grass isn't greener on the other side but sometimes I wonder what if???

He admits he's not the same man I married and I know I've changed and there has been a lot of water under our bridge but for the kids sake I forgiven him for everything over the years, perhaps I let the finances spiral out of control as a way of trying to get back at him??

We need to sort things out emotionally and of course financially. I love my family more than in the world so we have got to get things sorted. There are people in this world far worse of than us and perhaps I need to grow-up/man-up a bit.

Back to the finances. I've/We've had another look at the budget, we are down to £10ish in the bank and need to get petrol so I've transferred £50 from the emergency fund. Also tweaked some bits in the budget ie kids clubs was £20 but DS2s 2 football clubs and cricket alone are currently costing £45 per month (football due to finish in 4weeks ish).

This isn't a 'woe is me post' not at all......onwards and upwards, we can sort this. xx

Eager_Elephant

((Alice))

Finances must be the biggest cause of arguments with couples.

It is difficult to see friends having a whale of a time having holidays etc when you can't but if you went you would only be worrying about how much it cost and how much could have been paid off the debt.

Do you have a holiday amount in your FS - even if it was just enough for a caravan holiday in this country?

I don't think your DH is entirely blameless in running up the debt - unless of course you spent it on nice shoes and handbags:rotfl:. Men know when the family is living above their means but they choose to ignore it.

Not sure what has gone on with your husband in the past but if it is similar to my DH then have you considered Relate?
It did cost £40 per session but really made me think about our relationship and how we were in a parent/child relationship instead of a marriage etc.

Our marriage is not 100% still and I don't trust him but he is quite poorly at the moment so I am letting slepping dogs lie.


Hope you can sort things out

Alice_in_Poorland

Thank you EE, I would like to think we could afford sometime away this year, even a long weekend.

I think going to Relate would help us immensely but OH isn't keen (was before either!) and you are so spot on our relationship is more like adult/child than a marriage.

I know I still have a major problem in dealing with what has gone on and I think its because he didn't seem to 'hurt' like I did, didn't seem to sufffer. He didn't see how upset the kids were. He came back after the 'incident' and everybody forgave him, his parents, my parents, our friends and everything went back to normal....(whatever normal is!).

On the money front he'd never had anything on credit until we got together, he'd always paid cash and saved for things. He isn't materialistic in anyway, as long as he's got his sport etc he's quite happy.

Sorry to hear that your marriage is still not 100% and I don't think I'll ever fully trust my OH again either. Thank you again for your post EE. xx

Alice_in_Poorland

OH has just text to say they are back to working normal hours from next week.:j

What a relief.xx

brizzledfw

Fab news Alice. Great news re the hours - what a relief :j

I agree with EE.. in my case in RL, me and OH row about money more than anything else..and lots of couples are the same, especially when managing it and looking after it gets left to one person more than the other.

About 11 years ago we went to Relate - one of the best things we have ever spent money on in my opinion..only had about 6-8 sessions but it really sorted out our respective heads.

You may well be right, (these introspections often are), about you're retrospectively blaming him for the hurt he caused you some time ago..you can't let go and you blame him for not manning up to take responsibility for the hurt he caused you and the kids..

Maybe scheduling time to go out for a drink once a week or fortnight, just the 2 of you, to chat over things is the way to go. I know it costs but its saved my relationship on a number of occasions..we need space when we are 2 adults, not just parents or workers or whatever

Re the holiday..been there, done that!! I have had to say no to very dear friends (several times:o). Its just not what we can afford right now, nor is it truly what I WANT to spend money on..half this MSE malarkey imo is about being more thoughtful about what you spend it on and being resistant to peer pressure..you have to remain strong. Say to OH that you will go on holiday just as a family. you have the money for that..but no money to waste being around people who will not get the MSE stuff yadda yadda..you just don't need that stress

Sorry for the somewhat 'stream of consciousness' post...sometimes wish we could all just video conference so that we could properly chat..I just can't type fast enough, its blooming frustrating!!;):)

debtfreewannabe321

Hi Alice, i'm sorry i haven't had time this afternoon to catch up on everyone properly so i hope i haven't missed much just wanted to pop in and say hi though *waves*!

dfw xx

Alice_in_Poorland

brizzledfw wrote: »

Fab news Alice. Great news re the hours - what a relief :j

I agree with EE.. in my case in RL, me and OH row about money more than anything else..and lots of couples are the same, especially when managing it and looking after it gets left to one person more than the other.

About 11 years ago we went to Relate - one of the best things we have ever spent money on in my opinion..only had about 6-8 sessions but it really sorted out our respective heads.

You may well be right, (these introspections often are), about you're retrospectively blaming him for the hurt he caused you some time ago..you can't let go and you blame him for not manning up to take responsibility for the hurt he caused you and the kids..

Maybe scheduling time to go out for a drink once a week or fortnight, just the 2 of you, to chat over things is the way to go. I know it costs but its saved my relationship on a number of occasions..we need space when we are 2 adults, not just parents or workers or whatever

Re the holiday..been there, done that!! I have had to say no to very dear friends (several times:o). Its just not what we can afford right now, nor is it truly what I WANT to spend money on..half this MSE malarkey imo is about being more thoughtful about what you spend it on and being resistant to peer pressure..you have to remain strong. Say to OH that you will go on holiday just as a family. you have the money for that..but no money to waste being around people who will not get the MSE stuff yadda yadda..you just don't need that stress

Sorry for the somewhat 'stream of consciousness' post...sometimes wish we could all just video conference so that we could properly chat..I just can't type fast enough, its blooming frustrating!!;):)

Thank for your post brizzle and the points are so true. Think a good way to start would be to have some just 'me and OH' time to talk and see if we can work it out (our relationship to start with), if not I'll then suggest Relate.

You know when I read your post I could actually hear you saying it.....how bizzare! :rotfl:

xx

Alice_in_Poorland

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Hi Alice, i'm sorry i haven't had time this afternoon to catch up on everyone properly so i hope i haven't missed much just wanted to pop in and say hi though *waves*!

dfw xx

Good to hear from you, still plodding along on the emotional rollercoaster.;)

xx

brizzledfw

Alice_in_Poorland wrote: »

Thank for your post brizzle and the points are so true. Think a good way to start would be to have some just 'me and OH' time to talk and see if we can work it out (our relationship to start with), if not I'll then suggest Relate.

You know when I read your post I could actually hear you saying it.....how bizzare! :rotfl:

xx

Pleased to hear it!!:rotfl: Stay calm and suggest talking..if he's not materialistic about stuff then you're able to make a start..