Divorce - Is this fair?!

adamantine

dearlouise wrote: »

What telling me stop acting like the victim & step up to my responsibility?! I've been paying my way ON MY OWN since January... THanks very much.

That I've been foolish with money?!

Does she know my situation? Or my ex husband? Or the debt HE caused...

It's not my fault. I'm not acting like the victim.

I don't want sympathy, I want genuine advice!

This shoes person wasn't giving advice. In fact if I took it I think I'd be up !!!!!! creek.

i completely understand your frustration. i have been in your shoes over the last 2 years. but attacking the people trying to offer you advice isnt the answer.

you are a victim. but not to the extent you believe you are. you didnt have to agree to take on the loans etc... you didnt have to start up a business. you are not and never will be held responsible for his sole loans and credit card debts. the 3 of you agreed to buy a house ao the 3 of you are responsible for it.

you really do need to face up the this or you will never make any progress. let go of the anger. the only person the anger hurts is you.

Emmzi

pinkshoes is a very kind poster and does not deserve your vitriol just because you disagree.

Man, my ignore list is getting huge!

dearlouise

Emmzi wrote: »

pinkshoes is a very kind poster and does not deserve your vitriol just because you disagree.

Man, my ignore list is getting huge!

Gutted for me. Oh wait, nope.

dearlouise

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

im beginning to understand just why your husband left you and your over-interested mother. you thoroughly unpleasant creature.

My husband was kicked out because he's a borderline pedophile. That has nothing to do with me or my mother. My over-interested mother that borrowed him in excess of £20,000 when asked.

Hmmm.

More comments on a situation you know nothing about.

smartpicture

I ended up paying off a lot of money for my ex's debts, so I completely understand your anger and rage at how things are turning out, and how people don't seem to understand your quite justified feelings.

But - having been there, I can say from the heart that the only person you are hurting with the anger and the rage is yourself. Your bitterness is visible in every post you make. Please try and ignore the bad stuff and focus on the advice you do find helpful so you can make a plan to deal with all this, because that is what is going to help you move forward instead of dwelling on negatives all the time. Good luck.

Ellejmorgan

How much do you want to sort these debts ???
Can you see yourself ever being able to sort them ??
There is a way of sorting this but it's very drastic and you would lose your home, he would be left with joint debts..
It will depend on your income and further information, but bankruptcy could be the way to go and would give you a fresh start..
I did it and had 10k wiped as my husband had walked out on me I had no prospect of paying it.
Now 6 years on it was a blessing..

floss2

dearlouise wrote: »

My husband was kicked out because he's a borderline pedophile. That has nothing to do with me or my mother. My over-interested mother that borrowed him in excess of £20,000 when asked.

Hmmm.

More comments on a situation you know nothing about.

I presume you mean "lent".

If I were you I would make two appointments:
1 - bankruptcy expert / insolvency practitioner
2 - experienced marital law solicitor

Be honest, take all the debt information with you, and be prepared to talk money down to your last penny. Oh, and seriously consider what that £174 a month would pay in the way of your debts and dump his cats back on his doorstep. And before you squawk with indignation again, I AM a cat lover, but I am realistic and generally sensible and had to have pets rehomed due to marital breakdown against my childrens' wishes because I could not afford to keep them.

TBH, if you ask for advice on the internet, you have to accept what you get, without being rude to all who try to help with what information they are given, however little or confusing. Most of us are genuinely trying to help, including several posters on this thread who have an awful lot of knowledge and experience that could help you, if you would only accept that advice - which is what you asked for in the first place.

smartpicture

I think the problem is you're asking the wrong question.

You're asking - is it fair? Answer, no. But it doesn't matter whether it's fair or not, because it is the reality you are living with. You need to be saying, I'm in this mess, what can I do to get out of it? That is the implied question that most of the posters are trying to help you answer.

But unfortunately, you're still too focussed on the fairness question to hear them.