Divorce - Is this fair?!

dearlouise

I'm 26 years old & my husband of 5 years (13 year relationship) walked out in January.

He agreed in January for me to live in the matrimonial home, as he has no interest in it (it's next door to my mother). The house is owned 3 ways between me, him and my mother. It's also in negative equity (between 20 & 50,000 we estimate), and not in a state to be sold in any way other than auction - so one of us has to take it on. There is also a £10,000 further advance on the property.

We each have our own debts, he has a loan around £6,000 and 2 credit cards. I have a student loan around £15,000 and 2 credit cards too. All of which paid for us to live while we were married.

We also had a business (which failed) about 4 years ago, and the loan is still outstanding. We are both directors, and I am the guarantor. We also owe around £9,000 to my mother which is currently on a credit card in her name. I also have to repay money to my mother what *HE* personally owes her, for wedding rings, the wedding, living costs etc. My mother has been our saviour over the years when we have ran into bad luck.

I have been left with 5 cats (2 of which were his before we moved in together) that cost me £174 a month - which he doesn't contribute to and I am expected to keep.

We each agreed to pay our own debts. He agreed to pay the monthly contributions to the old business loan, and to the credit card payment to my mother, given I've taken on the responsibility of the house, and the cats, I'm paying the further advance on the property. And I'll be paying my mother back for the various things he owes.

On the financial disclosure, he's at around -£30,000 loss and I'm at around -£60,000 loss. So you would think the situation was concluded.

However I have received a letter stating he won't be paying my mother OR the old business loan from this month!

Meaning he expects me to take my own debt, all of his debt to my mother, the business debt, and the house which cannot be sold. I don't physically have the money to take everything on. If I did I would, because the whole situation has made me very, very ill and I just want it over. I'd give anything to have him out of my life for good. It seems the situation will just get worse, even though I thought I'd already hit rock bottom.

What can I do? My solicitor isn't being very helpful.

I have received some advice from another source, in that he should be PAYING ME to have his name taken off the property. Given it's current negative value.

I'm worried about the business loan as I'm the guarantor. And I don't have the money to pay that on top of the living costs and my own debts.

Lady_Aga

No quick fix I'm afraid.
You seem to have had access to a lot of credit in a very short space of time, so the next few years may be seen with hindsight as the frugal years.
Can you sell excess posessions, move in with your mum and rent out your old house?
Are you working?

dearlouise

Lady_Aga wrote: »

No quick fix I'm afraid.
You seem to have had access to a lot of credit in a very short space of time, so the next few years may be seen with hindsight as the frugal years.
Can you sell excess posessions, move in with your mum and rent out your old house?
Are you working?

It's not about the credit/debts. My debts cost me less than £100 a month in payments. The problem is I'm unable to pay debts which have previously paid by my ex-husband given my living costs. Debts he shouldn't be able to push onto me, given I've already taken my fair share, plus more. They were joint debts created on our joint income. We were in no financial struggle whatsoever whilst he was living at home. Though as one single person, I cannot take two person debts.

I can't sell my posessions and move in with my mum. I have 5 cats, and she doesn't have the room.

I'm working, and received a moderate salary.

silvercar

Can he afford these debts? If he can't afford them, then adjustments are going to have to be made. Where is he living? Does he have rent to pay? There is no way two people can live in separate households as cheaply as you lived together.

willow_loulou

You poor thing what an awful situation.

I know its hard but can you not ask the pdsa or cats protection to take on some if not all of the cats? I understand the guilt but really you wont be able to afford food, flea stuff vet bills etc - just a suggestion.
I like lady agas suggestion of renting out if you can move in with your mum? Or get a lodger, students?

Id sell everything not screwed down - there are lots of guides in here - music magpie,ebay,bootsales etc etc - thats also a very cathartic way to remove relationship items! Downsize everything - do the MSE stuff of making sure everything is at its lowest cost.

I would def expect him to pay to be removed off the land registry docs its £200 ish via a solicitor

Id also get some serious debt advice - work out what needs to be payed first etc. Make sure you follow the guides on the site for that too

Good luck xxx

Bubby

Have you done an income and expenditure list on the debt free wannabe board?

This might help you to cut down costs on a monthly basis.

In terms of the loans I don't think there is anything you can do to make him pay anything I am afraid but in terms of the cats they obviously will need to be rehomed if you cannot survive every month.

dearlouise

silvercar wrote: »

Can he afford these debts? If he can't afford them, then adjustments are going to have to be made. Where is he living? Does he have rent to pay? There is no way two people can live in separate households as cheaply as you lived together.

He's living with family. He can afford the debts. Though I believe he wants to now move into a bachelor pad now we are divorced. That might be why he wants more money now.

However I can't afford to pay everything. And I've taken more than my fair share. Made him take as little as possible.

I would love to walk away from my home that is falling down, and stop paying all of the debts like he is planning to do. Move into a nice little pad in the city & dump everything on his shoulders.

dearlouise

Bubby wrote: »

Have you done an income and expenditure list on the debt free wannabe board?

This might help you to cut down costs on a monthly basis.

In terms of the loans I don't think there is anything you can do to make him pay anything I am afraid but in terms of the cats they obviously will need to be rehomed if you cannot survive every month.

I've already cut my living expenses down to minimum so I can afford to live in this mortgaged property on my own.

I can't rehome the cats as some of them have attachment issues, and 2 are on medication. No-one will willingly take on a situation like that. My solicitor said I should have them terminated. Not possible.

dearlouise

willow_loulou wrote: »

You poor thing what an awful situation.

I know its hard but can you not ask the pdsa or cats protection to take on some if not all of the cats? I understand the guilt but really you wont be able to afford food, flea stuff vet bills etc - just a suggestion.
I like lady agas suggestion of renting out if you can move in with your mum? Or get a lodger, students?

Id sell everything not screwed down - there are lots of guides in here - music magpie,ebay,bootsales etc etc - thats also a very cathartic way to remove relationship items! Downsize everything - do the MSE stuff of making sure everything is at its lowest cost.

I would def expect him to pay to be removed off the land registry docs its £200 ish via a solicitor

Id also get some serious debt advice - work out what needs to be payed first etc. Make sure you follow the guides on the site for that too

Good luck xxx

I can't rehome the cats.

I can't move in with my mom.

I don't have 'lots of things' to sell & that isn't an answer to long term problems.

I can't remove him from the house without his agreement, as the property is mortgaged.

I can happily afford my own living costs, and my own debts. I just can't take on his too.

How would I go about finding a lodger? That wouldn't rob me blind? As I have 2 spare rooms, so that might be an option.

dirtysexymonkey

if youve got two spare rooms then you should get two lodgers in. have a look on websites like spare room for the average price for your area/house and then get yourself onto the landlord zone for all the legal stuff, and then let them and use that money to pass off the debts. make sure you get your exes and mothers approval for this as they own the house too and so could claim a third of the income from lodgers each.

bigmomma051204

I'll be honest, you need to stop sounding so abrasive and aggressive to people who are trying to help you! (if you aren't meaning to, then don't take this the wrong way... you are just coming across as VERY aggro!)

Hope someone can offer you advice that you deem good enough soon xx