Child mainenance + more!!!

victory

Have no idea of the cost but the questions should be how much to pay for your daughter, whether you should sell the house and get 50/50 so you both have a mortgage , you have to present your incomes, your wifes and they do it for your fairly, go to the CAB and ask them, there is no way you should have to pay all your wives bills and yours and gym membership and everything else, there is a limit, there is going to be a figure put in place fairly for your both and your daughter.....

level200

victory wrote: »

sell the house and get 50/50 so you both have a mortgage.

Hi, could you clarify what you mean by this please.

Cheers
John

make_me_wise

I dont expect you to answer this on here OP, but is your daughter aware of why you have moved out? Does she know that you are not to blame for this change in the family dynamic?

The relationship teenage girls have with their dad is a special one. She is at a delicate age and also a vital time in her education. I have seen friends of mine completely rocked by similar circumstances to yours. They were thought of as to young to know the truth and had different stories being fed to them as the split became less and less amicable. Just something to bare in mind.

level200

make_me_wise wrote: »

I dont expect you to answer this on here OP, but is your daughter aware of why you have moved out? Does she know that you are not to blame for this change in the family dynamic?

The relationship teenage girls have with their dad is a special one. She is at a delicate age and also a vital time in her education. I have seen friends of mine completely rocked by similar circumstances to yours. They were thought of as to young to know the truth and had different stories being fed to them as the split became less and less amicable. Just something to bare in mind.

My daughter is 14, I think she is old enougth to know. I told her about it and why before I moved out. Trouble is my wife will proberbly spin another story to her.

property.advert

I would never have moved out. In fact, I think you should move back in, citing the extreme cost of finding your own place. once back at home, for that is what it is, pay half, as before, with her paying half as well.

If that wasn't the previous arrangement, it sure as hell is now.

Ravenlady_2

Firstly stop paying the household bills that are not in your name.

Transfer the ones that are in your sole name to your new abode.

Pop your details in to the CSA calculator, this is a guide of what you need to pay, you can either go through the CSA yourself in which would get it done faster if you have all your details ready and start putting a weekly amount of £50/60 aside each week to compensate for any backpay they will wants whilst making calculations.

Or you can start up a informal agreement and transfer a set amount in to her account every month, you could shave off £50 a month and give that direct to your daughter as at 14 she should be entitled to have some of the money that is meant for her.

With regards to the mortgage payments you are both obliged to pay this, this is where you need the solicitor.

You are not obliged to pay anything else towards the running of your house and your wife will be expected to take on bills in her own name once you have stopped paying or transferred your accounts over.

It may seem harsh but I can count the amount of times I have seen women have affairs and expect to be kept to a decent standard by their ex partners and look shellshocked when it doesn't happen.

Your liabilies are to your daughter and your daughter only, you should also talk to your daughter about maybe staying at yours, you could have a totally flexible approach and give her a key so she can come over as she pleases.

Emmzi

I too would move back in and ask wife to move out. Childcare at 14 is a lot easier than childcare at a younger age.

Why did you move?

And yes. Solicitor! You need a financial seperation agreement pronto.

Person_one

Emmzi wrote: »

I too would move back in and ask wife to move out. Childcare at 14 is a lot easier than childcare at a younger age.

I don't think this is true at all! I think its just different, less physically tiring perhaps but getting it right at 14 is just as important as at 2, and in a lot of ways much harder. She;s going through puberty, dealing with all kinds of social issues and becoming a young adult, the teen years are not the time to relax and take your eyes off the ball!

OP, don't lose sight of what's most important which is that you and your wife are still both equally important parents to your daughter. The best case scenario is that you are able to remain amicable and co-operate for her sake, don't throw away your chances of that by getting antagonistic.

Maybe you could suggest you and your wife go to Relate? Not with the goal of getting back together but to establish a new sort of relationship as a parenting team that doesn't live together anymore but works well together anyway.

I wouldn't move back into the house, this will just result in a lot of stress and tension for everybody, including the 14 year old who is already going through a lot.

gonzo127

i would recommend the CSA for the maintenance, just for the ease for yourself, as at least you will know you are paying the right amount (not too much and not to little) especially as from the small amount you have put up already i have a feeling that your wife will start trying to take you to the cleaners.

as others have said get the solicitors in asap to help.

a credit check would also be advisable so you know everything thats in your name so nothing comes to bite you in the bum and destroy your credit rating over the next few months.

guessing your daughter has got a mobile, if so remember to keep in contact with her directly, do not expect your 'wife' to pass on messages or tell her you have asked about her etc, see if she wants to come and visit you, maybe have her and one or 2 of her friends over to sleep every now and then,

Emmzi

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think this is true at all! I think its just different, less physically tiring perhaps but getting it right at 14 is just as important as at 2,

Sorry, should have been clearer. As in, ok to leave for an hour after school etc so less general organisation to work and care etc.