Child mainenance + more!!!

Person_one

Emmzi wrote: »

Sorry, should have been clearer. As in, ok to leave for an hour after school etc so less general organisation to work and care etc.

Ah ok, yes that's true.

Zoetoes

make_me_wise wrote: »

I dont expect you to answer this on here OP, but is your daughter aware of why you have moved out? Does she know that you are not to blame for this change in the family dynamic?

The relationship teenage girls have with their dad is a special one. She is at a delicate age and also a vital time in her education. I have seen friends of mine completely rocked by similar circumstances to yours. They were thought of as to young to know the truth and had different stories being fed to them as the split became less and less amicable. Just something to bare in mind.

Why does she need to be told? Why can't she just be told mum and dad are no longer together but they are still her mum and dad and will both always be there for her the same?

FBaby

i think whether you contribute towards the gym fees depends on the costs of it, how much maintenance you will be paying and whether your wife will be getting tax credits or not.

Say your daughter has been doing gymnastics for years and continuing to do it will help her cope with what is happening in her life, you are 'only' paying say £150 a month, and you wife is getting no tax credits, I don't thing it is unreasonable to ask you contribute to half the gym in addition to the maintenance.

If on the other hand you are paying £400 a month maintenance and your wife is getting £400 child tax credits, that's £800 that should be spent purely on you daughter and more than enough to take into account gymnastics costs.

Zoetoes

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think this is true at all! I think its just different, less physically tiring perhaps but getting it right at 14 is just as important as at 2, and in a lot of ways much harder. She;s going through puberty, dealing with all kinds of social issues and becoming a young adult, the teen years are not the time to relax and take your eyes off the ball!

OP, don't lose sight of what's most important which is that you and your wife are still both equally important parents to your daughter. The best case scenario is that you are able to remain amicable and co-operate for her sake, don't throw away your chances of that by getting antagonistic.

Maybe you could suggest you and your wife go to Relate? Not with the goal of getting back together but to establish a new sort of relationship as a parenting team that doesn't live together anymore but works well together anyway.

I wouldn't move back into the house, this will just result in a lot of stress and tension for everybody, including the 14 year old who is already going through a lot.

I agree with this, people often let trying to get at each other get in the way of what's important, and that's still being mum and dad to their children.

level200

FBaby wrote: »

i think whether you contribute towards the gym fees depends on the costs of it, how much maintenance you will be paying and whether your wife will be getting tax credits or not.

Say your daughter has been doing gymnastics for years and continuing to do it will help her cope with what is happening in her life, you are 'only' paying say £150 a month, and you wife is getting no tax credits, I don't thing it is unreasonable to ask you contribute to half the gym in addition to the maintenance.

If on the other hand you are paying £400 a month maintenance and your wife is getting £400 child tax credits, that's £800 that should be spent purely on you daughter and more than enough to take into account gymnastics costs.

Worked it out, I will have to pay around the £250 mark, my daughter packed in gym about a year back and decided that she wants to go back just the other day. I see this as a luxary at the moment, things are tight for both of us. I want to help but i need to get my life and flat sorted first. Is that wrong of me?

justjohn

I pay 200 pound per month for 3 kids ( that is based on what was agreed in separation agreement)

My current partner gets 200 pound for 2 kids as it is/was 10% of her previous partners salary(however his wages have went up, but she/we do not agree with milking partners). Probably if we were unscrupulous we could get another 50 pound or so out of him

The amount you pay can be variable depending on many factors. My advice if you think you are getting stitched up is go with the minimum recommendations of the csa.(unsure what that is). You can always pay more if you want too.

No its not wrong of you too want too sort your life out.

level200

is £250 too much for 1 child?

justjohn

level200 wrote: »

is £250 too much for 1 child?

Sorry do not know...best bet is find out what csa says.....it used to be 15% of your income less tax/pension for 1 child.

In theory the max she will get is what csa say.

Zoetoes

level200 wrote: »

is £250 too much for 1 child?

Depends on your earnings, if that's what you've worked it out at then no, it's not too much.

If your daughter has only just decided to go back to the gym then as you've said, you need to get yourself sorted first.

I know it's [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] at the moment, but you will be fine and it will all work out for the best.

Person_one

level200 wrote: »

Worked it out, I will have to pay around the £250 mark, my daughter packed in gym about a year back and decided that she wants to go back just the other day. I see this as a luxary at the moment, things are tight for both of us. I want to help but i need to get my life and flat sorted first. Is that wrong of me?

Your daughter is still a very important part of your life, don't forget that. Maybe going back to gymnastics is a way to get some time to herself out of the house away from the stress. Talk to your wife and figure out how to make it happen if at all possible.