Child mainenance + more!!!

FBaby

level200 wrote: »

is £250 too much for 1 child?

It very much depends on what the child cost. You wife earns the same amount, does your child cost £500 a month EVERYTHING included? I would say it is very possible. Of course, if you continue to contribute towards the mortgage, bills etc..., you are contributing more than £250.

What you need to accept is that there are two sides to it:
- what is reasonable to give on the basis of what you need for you to have a life you consider is the minimal you are entitled to
- what is right for your DD to receive.

Again, how important is it for your DD to do gymnastics? The fact that she has packed up and now wants to go back could mean that she has a very good reason to do so. Maybe she found it very relaxing in the past and wants to go back now to help her cope with the change. Similarly, it could be that she is acting spoilt and doesn't realise the implications of the cost in the scale of things. Do give her the benefit of the doubt, she is only 14 and can't foreceably understand the financial impact of you moving out. Why not talk to her about it, say that her mum has asked for you to pay/contribute, but that to pay this in addition to the £250 might mean you can't pay for the petrol to go to work (or anything else), or that it would mean you having to give up something very important in your life and therefore want to be sure that her doing gymnastics means a lot to her. She might be too young to infer things on her own, but not too young to be spoken to and explained what a separation involves.

make_me_wise

Zoetoes wrote: »

Why does she need to be told? Why can't she just be told mum and dad are no longer together but they are still her mum and dad and will both always be there for her the same?

I wish it were that straightforward. The OP has moved out and has no control over what story is fed to his daughter, by his wife who is more than capable of being a liar and manipulative. She had an affair behind his back after all. He chose to tell his child things as they were before leaving. As far as I can see that is a sensible move. It means his daughter cant be turned against him which often happens in these circumstances.

Zoetoes

make_me_wise wrote: »

I wish it were that straightforward. The OP has moved out and has no control over what story is fed to his daughter, by his wife who is more than capable of being a liar and manipulative. She had an affair behind his back after all. He chose to tell his child things as they were before leaving. As far as I can see that is a sensible move. It means his daughter cant be turned against him which often happens in these circumstances.

We don't know the mum was going to feed any story to the daughter though. Just because she had an affair or whatever doesn't mean she would be cruel to her daughter.

All this getting in there first so the kids can't be turned against you is what I'm talking about when I say parents splitting up all too often are too busy trying to get at each other that they forget about the kids.

Telling your kid 'I'm leaving but it's not my fault, it's your mothers because she was sh*gging someone' isn't helping the kid at all.

OP I am not suggesting this is what you did!

level200

Just been informed that they have been spotted in a local park, holding hands and having a cuddle. She left my daughter at home... worst of all he is married with a small child.

They have both ruined two families!

HappyMJ

level200 wrote: »

Just been informed that they have been spotted in a local park, holding hands and having a cuddle. She left my daughter at home... worst of all he is married with a small child.

They have both ruined two families!

She's 14...I don't think that's too much of a problem.

2nd point he's married and so is your wife.

£250 a month indicates you earn about £34,000.

level200

HappyMJ wrote: »

2nd point he's married and so is your wife.

£250 a month indicates you earn about £34,000.

So.. whats your point?

make_me_wise

Zoetoes wrote: »

We don't know the mum was going to feed any story to the daughter though. Just because she had an affair or whatever doesn't mean she would be cruel to her daughter.

All this getting in there first so the kids can't be turned against you is what I'm talking about when I say parents splitting up all too often are too busy trying to get at each other that they forget about the kids.

Telling your kid 'I'm leaving but it's not my fault, it's your mothers because she was sh*gging someone' isn't helping the kid at all.

OP I am not suggesting this is what you did!

Its not about getting in there first and having one upmanship, that would be incredibly childish. It is about being honest with someone you love and allowing them to know that you did not want this for your family. If his daughter were very young then the way you have been suggesting he should handle it would be correct.

However she is 14. At school she will be learning about relationships etc. At her age she is old enough to know the truth. Teenagers
base alot of relationships on having trust of another person. The OP comes across as someone sensible and grounded and I am sure he handled all this the right way.

Going by his latest post the mother doesn't seem to give a jot about their daughter. After causing her family to split like this and undoubtedly bringing on lots of emotional turmoil is she home making sure her 14 year old is okay. Nope, she is down the park with her 'affair' holding hands and cuddling. Not exactly 'mother of the year' material.

pinkshoes

level200 wrote: »

is £250 too much for 1 child?

It's 15% of your take home pay, minus any nights you have your daughter as a %.

So if you have your daughter one week, and your wife has her the next, then you'd give her 15% of your salary, then she'd give you 15% of hers.

If you have your daughter 2 nights a week, then you'd pay 5/7ths of 15% of your salary, and you'd get 2/7ths of 15% of your wifes salary.

Do you have room at your flat for your daughter to stay?
Is she happy staying with your mum, or would she rather live with you.

I feel for you. A colleague has just been through the same thing, although 1.5 years later, she's now realising that the grass wasn't as green on the other side as she thought, is broke, and the 14 year old daughter has become a nightmare due to the lies the mum told her about why they split up.

It's good you're being honest with your daughter. Just remember never to say anything bad about her mum infront of her.

HappyMJ

level200 wrote: »

So.. whats your point?

You wanted to know whether it's too much or not but never mind....

Darlyd

I know your probably feeling very angry right now OP.

Let's get things sorted, Wife will probably claim for tax credits now and she may get it, depends on what she earns/how many hours she works.

£250 month from you is probably what CSA will say, maybe more if you earn £34k. I don't know, only CSA can tell you this, did you use their online calculator?

I would also stop paying for any bills, make sure you sort the banks out, get her name or your name off of the joint account (may need her signature)

As for the mortgage I don't know either you need to consult a solicitor ASAP (some offer free advise), I think sometimes when a parent pays for the mortgage to keep roof over kids, then they do not need to pay maintainence, (sp) I may be wrong though.

Please don't let her take you for a ride any more.

And if this was me, I would message his wife too. Many may not agree.. But I would not sit back and watch him take the pi$$ out her his wife too.