Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

Seanymph

'when in reality, there is little wrong to begin with.'

As unusual as it is for me, I'm speechless.

candygirl

property.advert wrote: »

They are skint, can't afford £10 a month it seems and you are suggesting they split up and presumably throw themselves on the state (aka me and my fellow taxpayers) because they are unhappy, cannot communicate and have a less than ideal sex life ? You do know the country is broke don't you ?

They have to grow up and realise that him hiding behind this and her getting all upset about it is not going to resolve the situation and if they don't stop pu55y footing around and start communicating in a language the other can understand and relate to, then they are just going to become another statistic when in reality, there is little wrong to begin with.

It needs to be far far worse than a bloke putting a line up on a website saying he is unhappily married before I want to start shelling out more benefits for this or any other family.

Sorry, but it wont be your decision to make will it?:cool:

suited-aces

candygirl wrote: »

[/B]

Sorry, but it wont be your decision to make will it?:cool:

Sunglasses? You seem to be taking a weird sense of satisfaction from an anonymous person's potential decision to divorce.

YoungBaker

For goodness sake - what he is done is terrible but some people on here are seriosuly convincing you to end your marriage and relationship of ten years when you aren't even sure yourself (otherwise you wouldn't have came on here).

Obviously what he did is not acceptable and he has betrayed your trust again.... but ultimately you need to accept some men do have a high sex drive and he has maybe just fallen into this trap of sending pics online etc. in which it makes him think he is some young, hip thing again that all the ladies are wanting a piece of...

Ireegardless of how bad people think what he has done you have two options in my opinion:
1. You get on with it, tell him you don't want him accessing the computer anymore and if he has a phone you can check it when you want and clearly tell him if he ever betrays you again it will be finished.... and he has a lot of making up to do.

2. You decide you can't rebuild that trust and would rather not take the risk of getting hurt again and call it a day....

I totally understand if you do take option 2 as he has betrayed you again - but personally I feel you need to seriously think long and hard as there is children involved - and ultimately you have no evidence to suggest he has physically met with any of these people and actually cheated on you physically.

Good luck in deciding.

suited-aces

Allan_r_123 wrote: »

For goodness sake - what he is done is terrible but some people on here are seriosuly convincing you to end your marriage and relationship of ten years when you aren't even sure yourself (otherwise you wouldn't have came on here).

Obviously what he did is not acceptable and he has betrayed your trust again.... but ultimately you need to accept some men do have a high sex drive and he has maybe just fallen into this trap of sending pics online etc. in which it makes him think he is some young, hip thing again that all the ladies are wanting a piece of...

Ireegardless of how bad people think what he has done you have two options in my opinion:
1. You get on with it, tell him you don't want him accessing the computer anymore and if he has a phone you can check it when you want and clearly tell him if he ever betrays you again it will be finished.... and he has a lot of making up to do.

2. You decide you can't rebuild that trust and would rather not take the risk of getting hurt again and call it a day....

I totally understand if you do take option 2 as he has betrayed you again - but personally I feel you need to seriously think long and hard as there is children involved - and ultimately you have no evidence to suggest he has physically met with any of these people and actually cheated on you physically.

Good luck in deciding.

A lot of sad lonely people want to make as many other people as they can sad and lonely too.

It seems the the OH doesn't necessarily have a high sex drive, he just has a sex drive, which OP is trying to stifle and ignore. No wonder he's fantasising on the internet.

nickyhutch

Allan_r_123 wrote: »

For goodness sake - what he is done is terrible but some people on here are seriosuly convincing you to end your marriage and relationship of ten years when you aren't even sure yourself (otherwise you wouldn't have came on here). I'm not trying to convince anyone of anyhting - just saying what I would do.

Obviously what he did is not acceptable and he has betrayed your trust again.... but ultimately you need to accept some men do have a high sex drive and he has maybe just fallen into this trap of sending pics online etc. in which it makes him think he is some young, hip thing again that all the ladies are wanting a piece of... She doesn't have to accept that she has to stay with him, though, does she? It's not that he's got a high sex drive that's wrong - it's that he's betrayed her (again).

Ireegardless of how bad people think what he has done you have two options in my opinion:
1. You get on with it, tell him you don't want him accessing the computer anymore and if he has a phone you can check it when you want and clearly tell him if he ever betrays you again it will be finished.... and he has a lot of making up to do. I think they've already been here - he did it before, remember?

2. You decide you can't rebuild that trust and would rather not take the risk of getting hurt again and call it a day....

I totally understand if you do take option 2 as he has betrayed you again - but personally I feel you need to seriously think long and hard as there is children involved - and ultimately you have no evidence to suggest he has physically met with any of these people and actually cheated on you physically.

Good luck in deciding.

Of course she needs to think long and hard - that's what she's doing.

FBaby

The one thing the OP needs to consider is that it is very possible her OH HAS tried in the past to tell her that he wasn't happy but she didn't pick it up, either because he didn't in a way that was only imply with OP expected to read behind the lines, or because she didn't want to hear it in the first place, so ignored it.

In the end, if someone is unhappy in a relationship, they have limited choice as to what to do. They can pack up and go, all straight forward, except when you have massive ties to that person, even more impossible to consider when you still love dearly. You can communicate and work it out together, however, I think it is very common that when one is happy in the relationship, they either refuse to accept the other might not be, or might not be prepared to make changes. There are so many times you can try to make things change before you give up. Or, you can just have a double life and find fulfillment through two spearate lives althought he anxiety that almost always comes with it makes it rarely sustainable.

I would say OP you really need to work with your hubby to get to the bottom to his unhappiness. It is always easy to say things to someone you love which might hurt their feelings. There are no many way ways to say 'you don't satisfy me in bed ' (as an exemple)without affecting your partner's confidence. However, when you reach the point where your frustrations (unhappiness) are taking you to look elsewhere, it really is better to lay it all out on the table. Challenge your partner and tell him you are prepared to hear what he's got to say, even if it might upset you, so you can really work out compromises. If the conclusion is that you are not prepared to compromise, or no compromises can take away the frustration, then it is time to move on.

mummyoftwomonkeys

I totally understand how you feel because I have been there myself! people will probably think I am a fool but me and my husband are still together. We have 2 sons aged 4 and 2 been married for almost 6 years. During both of my pregnancies I have found pictures on my husbands p.c and found out he had been chatting to other women. I was pig sick when I found them and felt like he had cheated on me even tho he hadn't actually met any of them in person he wouldn't have had a chance. Its a hard place to be because you don't want to brake up the family when you have small kids but you also don't want to be taken for a mug. I don't know why your husband does it only he knows and if he is anything like mine he will say "I don't know" but when my husband did it it was for selfish reasons (i went off sex completely) only you know what to do people will nearly always say well if it was me I would leave him but their not you. Good luck hun its not easy have a heart to heart with him and point out what his stupid actions do and does he want to be a part time dad? if not then sort it out Mr x

YoungBaker

Can I also just point out - I know just because it isn't physical doesn't mean it isn't cheating... but for men sending some pics online and chatting girls is differently as it is for women...

What I mean is, is I seriously doubt your husband is actually contacting any of these women because he wants a relationship with them or they would be any better a lover or wife than you - if that was the case he would leave you and go get something better if he thought he could. The reality is, the internet has simply opened up new realms of pornography available and for your husband it's most likely an exciting quick fix as opposed to seeking out a new mate for life

nickyhutch

Allan_r_123 wrote: »

Can I also just point out - I know just because it isn't physical doesn't mean it isn't cheating... but for men sending some pics online and chatting girls is differently as it is for women...

What I mean is, is I seriously doubt your husband is actually contacting any of these women because he wants a relationship with them or they would be any better a lover or wife than you - if that was the case he would leave you and go get something better if he thought he could. The reality is, the internet has simply opened up new realms of pornography available and for your husband it's most likely an exciting quick fix as opposed to seeking out a new mate for life

But the fact remains OP's husband is doing something he KNOWS upsets her, whether it's chatting to women online or not putting his socks in the laundry basket or not buying her a birthday present or slagging her sister off.... whatever. It's that that I would find so hard - my OH doing something he knows would upset me.