Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

nickyhutch wrote: »

The difference is you KNEW he was working as a barman. OP didn't know her husband was chatting to randoms and putting himself out there for sex.

He hasn't actually met anyone for sex and nor has he said that's what he wants - hes unhappy and is flirting. His idea of flirting is different from the OP which is why, instead of instantly throwing 10 years away the OP should see if BOTH are willing to meet in the middle

And I knew OH was a barman, didn't know it was a strip club (didn't meet him at work!) He was too afraid to tell me at first because his ex had a real issue with it. Personally never bothered me, I went in a few times meeting him at end of his shift and had a laugh and a giggle with the girls

VestanPance

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

He hasn't actually met anyone for sex and nor has he said that's what he wants - hes unhappy and is flirting. His idea of flirting is different from the OP which is why, instead of instantly throwing 10 years away the OP should see if BOTH are willing to meet in the middle

He's not flirting. He's chancing it to see if anything comes of his online adventure. If he wanted to flirt or an ego boost he could have signed up to any of the free dating sites.

From the description if I read it correctly he signed up to a paid "adult" dating site, which implies far more than just joping for a flirt in my opinion.

Oh, and on another of your points. No not everyone flirts. Plenty of folk out there that don't.

nickyhutch

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

He hasn't actually met anyone for sex and nor has he said that's what he wants - hes unhappy and is flirting. His idea of flirting is different from the OP which is why, instead of instantly throwing 10 years away the OP should see if BOTH are willing to meet in the middle

I think signing up for a paying sex website looking for possible random sex and chatting with other members is a touch more than flirting.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Vestanpance - EVERYONE at some stage flirts. its what you define as flirting that makes a difference. For example - you might kiss your friends to greet them - there's nothing in it - but one of my friends classes this as a "no no" and will actually have an argument with her fella if he greets anyone this way.

If he was gonna physically cheat I personally think he would have done it by now.

Pst nicky - key word to you last post "possible" random sex. He MIGHT be just checking he still "has it" as opposed to "getting" it iyswim

Off to bed now - nighty night

Seanymph

The difference is a barman is PAID to be there, it's a JOB. This guy paid for the privilege of accessing like minded adults.

The girls he was talking to were PAID to be there, they were WORKING. The girls this guy was exchanging pictures of his genitals and masturbating over/with were seeking no strings sex not paying their leccy bill.

It's a ridiculous comparison, adds nothing to the OP's situation and is more about proving how liberal minded you consider yourself and how secure you are compared to your current blokes ex. It's totally irrelevant because it's so different.

This guy has sought out women seeking out sexual contact. Either verbally, or through pictures or mutual masturbation - he's not being paid to do it, nor are they - he has gone to a place purely to meet people for sex for personal gratification. and he's paying for that platform.

there is absolutely no comparison at all.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

lol my point was people DO seek out just "verbal sexual contact" and it CAN be nothing more than an ego boost. Everyone is telling OP to instantly ditch him because he is "cheating" - he isnt cheating, he isnt out there having a full blown affair - He's sat in front of a computer chatting to people. If he REALLY wanted to cheat he would be out in the real world meeting people and going back to theirs - or arranging to meet the people he talks to online. He isn't doing that. He's watching people and having a play - it's a bit more interactive fair enough but its similar to watching !!!!!! and getting a kick out of it - The concept is still the same, he is simply enjoying himself WITHOUT actually doing anything with anyone else.

I get that the OP feels upset (honestly i do get it) but it REALLY isn't worth chucking their relationship and family away because he is talking to people about sex. (As mentioned, if OP comes back and says "well actually he has slept with someone" then fair enough i would change my opinion) but he's TALKING about it.

He's said he is married (mentioning he's unhappy - OP has mentioned they have money worries and nightmare kids - maybe this is his "escape" from the real world who knows) he COULD have put he was single, but he didnt.

Like i said - i'd be more pee'd that he was spending the money knowing the family have money worries.

(Oh and the reason i mentioned OH was a barman was in response to someone asking if i personallywould mind if i was in OP's situation - OH isnt a barman now, he still flirts, still the same, not an issue)

There are people who see the world black and white - an miss the shades of grey. Not everything is clear cut and as always - we only have one side of this. No one (except the OP) knows for sure WHAT has happened in the past, how their life is now etc - we only have one persons word in a two persons story and thats what people need to remember

VestanPance

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Vestanpance - EVERYONE at some stage flirts. its what you define as flirting that makes a difference. For example - you might kiss your friends to greet them - there's nothing in it - but one of my friends classes this as a "no no" and will actually have an argument with her fella if he greets anyone this way.

No not everyone flirts.

It also sounds like your friend is a mental case as a kiss to greet someone is just that, a greeting. Unless her man is a carry on character who is trying to cop a feel and ram his tongue sown their throats whilst doing it!

Seanymph

It is the real world - these are real people - he isn't just chatting, he isn't going into the local pub on a friday and meeting people and chatting. He is paying to access people who are looking for sexual contact. So he's saving himself the work, the exposure, the 'flirting' and making sure he's swimming in a pool where everyone is looking for instant sexual contact.

She should take comfort from 'unhappily married' - I don't think so - this means people he contacts collude with him, they know he's married, they know they will have restricted contact, that he won't give a home number, but that he's still seeking sexual contact and is available within strict boundaries. But him being there makes him available.

If he was 'flirting' he'd be doing it at the office, or at the pub, with people who are equally unavailable. He isn't flirting - he's seeking sexual contact from available people and he's paying for the privilege.

shellsuit

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

lol my point was people DO seek out just "verbal sexual contact" and it CAN be nothing more than an ego boost. Everyone is telling OP to instantly ditch him because he is "cheating" I haven't mentioned ditching him at all.- he isnt cheating, he isnt out there having a full blown affair Again, how do you know?! You don't, so you have no idea whether he is cheating/having an affair.- He's sat in front of a computer chatting to people. If he REALLY wanted to cheat he would be out in the real world meeting people and going back to theirs - or arranging to meet the people he talks to online. He isn't doing that. He's watching people and having a play - it's a bit more interactive fair enough but its similar to watching !!!!!! and getting a kick out of it - The concept is still the same, he is simply enjoying himself WITHOUT actually doing anything with anyone else. That thing in his pants, you know, his penis, should be for his OH and his OH alone. He's taking the pish big time posting pics of his bits online! That's not like getting off watching !!!!!! at all!

I get that the OP feels upset (honestly i do get it) but it REALLY isn't worth chucking their relationship and family away because he is talking to people about sex. He is deceiving his wife, upsetting her, talking to other women about God knows what, it's not just talking about sex !!!!!!.(As mentioned, if OP comes back and says "well actually he has slept with someone" then fair enough i would change my opinion) but he's TALKING about it. Again, you don't know what he's doing!

He's said he is married (mentioning he's unhappy - OP has mentioned they have money worries and nightmare kids - maybe this is his "escape" from the real world who knows) he COULD have put he was single, but he didnt. If it were my husband I'd rather he said he was single, than letting everyone know he is married and unhappy.

Like i said - i'd be more pee'd that he was spending the money knowing the family have money worries.

(Oh and the reason i mentioned OH was a barman was in response to someone asking if i personallywould mind if i was in OP's situation - OH isnt a barman now, he still flirts, still the same, not an issue)

There are people who see the world black and white - an miss the shades of grey. Not everything is clear cut and as always - we only have one side of this. No one (except the OP) knows for sure WHAT has happened in the past, how their life is now etc - we only have one persons word in a two persons story and thats what people need to remember

Yes we only have one side of this, so it's amusing that you keep telling us what the bloke is or isn't doing, as you have no idea!


Oh and giving someone a kiss to greet them isn't flirting !!!!!!!

I don't really think my husband wants to flirt with my Nan and I certainly don't want to flirt with his Grandad, but we still kiss to greet them.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

VestanPance wrote: »

No not everyone flirts.

It also sounds like your friend is a mental case as a kiss to greet someone is just that, a greeting. Unless her man is a carry on character who is trying to cop a feel and ram his tongue sown their throats whilst doing it!

but thats the point - SHE see's it as flirting, therefore, in her world it is. EVERYONE will do something that they consider "harmless" but to someone else it MAY mean something else. It's all about the context and what they expect from it.

Seanymph wrote: »

It is the real world - these are real people - he isn't just chatting, he isn't going into the local pub on a friday and meeting people and chatting. He is paying to access people who are looking for sexual contact. So he's saving himself the work, the exposure, the 'flirting' and making sure he's swimming in a pool where everyone is looking for instant sexual contact.

She should take comfort from 'unhappily married' - I don't think so - this means people he contacts collude with him, they know he's married, they know they will have restricted contact, that he won't give a home number, but that he's still seeking sexual contact and is available within strict boundaries. But him being there makes him available.

If he was 'flirting' he'd be doing it at the office, or at the pub, with people who are equally unavailable. He isn't flirting - he's seeking sexual contact from available people and he's paying for the privilege.

Going to the pub on a friday night and having the same conversations is different to sitting behind a computer screen. OP says she knows he hasnt cheated (in person) and this is something that has been going on for a while (clearly) so he isnt out there looking for sexual contact because he would have done it by now. He's talking about sex - TALKING.

I never said it was a comfort in him saying he is "unhappily married" i said it COULD be worse.