Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

neverdespairgirl

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

lEveryone is telling OP to instantly ditch him because he is "cheating" - he isnt cheating, he isnt out there having a full blown affair - He's sat in front of a computer chatting to people.

It seems like cheating to me. And to a lot of people, too.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

nickyhutch wrote: »

What valid or acceptable reason is there for what OP's husband has done?

What valid or acceptable reason is there to deliberately do something that you know will hurt your partner?

Like I said - we will never know the full story and I can't speculate. There's lots of reasons why people behave the way they do and how they think - its seeing if there is a cause and a solution.

VestanPance wrote: »

No I think they are idiots because they are.

Anyone who thinks a kiss to greet someone is flirting is an idiot. They may not like their partner doing it, but that does not making it flirting. It means they have trust issues, or possessive issues.

I'm not going to waste time in replying to someone who uses the same statement my 4 year old uses when referring to boys. You disagree with me, fantastic - its the way the world works - but you need to realise sharpish that not everyone thinks/acts and believes the same as you. Instead of being childish why not try and be constructive and put your point across in an adult way other than name calling? Your starting to remind me of godwins law

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

It seems like cheating to me. And to a lot of people, too.

Which is absolutely fine - its your point of view - but it isn't the only point of view. There's also people (cant quote as on mobile) who also have commented and touched upon similar things I've said too. No one is/has condoned that its "right" what he has done - No one is disregarding that the op has been hurt. But there are various views as to what is and isn't acceptable - clearly the op and her OH disagree on what is and isn't right - but that doesn't mean one of them is correct and one is in the wrong.

Let's say there's a "reason" - make one up - what he should have done is speak to her, but what if he couldn't? What if when he tried to talk he got shot down constantly? Everyone is assuming he is wanting to meet ppl for sex - if that's the case then what's stopped him?

nickyhutch

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Like I said - we will never know the full story and I can't speculate. There's lots of reasons why people behave the way they do and how they think - its seeing if there is a cause and a solution.

Ok, then - hypothetically. Give me an example. When might it be acceptable.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

How about when there are boundaries and they are stuck to.

Whilst the physical side of cheating is very wrong - let's say that op had come on and instead of saying he had joined a sex site to erm ... play .. but was instead addicted to !!!!!! - would peoples opinions stay the same or change?

Someone pointed out at the beginning of this thread that what he is doing is very similar to watching !!!!!! (which is how I see this scenario) obviously the op sees it as more (emotionally cheating?) But could the bloke be thinking along the "!!!!!!" route? This is something we won't know

What the op needs to do is find out how he views what he does, express (clearly - not everyone is clear when they are upset etc) how she views it, see if there is an underlying issue, see of she thinks the marriage is worth saving, finding a compromise between them (no one person is right remember) dealing with any issues, and move on. What the OP shouldn't do is make a rash decision only to regret it later (this was also put a few pages back by someone who said they're partner had done the same and that they wished they had sorted it)

suited-aces

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Like I said - we will never know the full story and I can't speculate. There's lots of reasons why people behave the way they do and how they think - its seeing if there is a cause and a solution.



I'm not going to waste time in replying to someone who uses the same statement my 4 year old uses when referring to boys. You disagree with me, fantastic - its the way the world works - but you need to realise sharpish that not everyone thinks/acts and believes the same as you. Instead of being childish why not try and be constructive and put your point across in an adult way other than name calling? Your starting to remind me of godwins law

Bringing up Godwin's law when it doesn't apply is fast becoming the new Godwin's law. Did she call anyone a nazi or are you just inventing points to argue against?

Seanymph

But if he wanted to watch !!!!!! he'd have been watching !!!!!!. he didn't. He wanted to connect, in real time, with real people, who were making themselves available for sex.

And he paid for it out of marital money.

And it upset his wife, as he knew it would, when she found out.

So there is nothing that can be said, in my opinion, to mitigate that.

Unfortunately mimi you come across as very young and naive - life experience, bitter life experience, teaches that someone who wishes to push the boundaries within the marriage, alone and not involving his partner, will push them further and further. And it does take time and focus and energy from his life partner whichever way up you look at it. (Unless of course he's only doing it at work and then the person he's cheating is his boss).

It's a betrayal. It wasn't agreed, accepted, allowed for, or understood by the OP that her husband would be doing this as part of the marriage deal. 'keep wholly unto' is the phrase she bought into. And that counts whether over the internet or not - it's no less real over the internet than in person, just easier.

VestanPance

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I'm not going to waste time in replying to someone who uses the same statement my 4 year old uses when referring to boys. You disagree with me, fantastic - its the way the world works - but you need to realise sharpish that not everyone thinks/acts and believes the same as you. Instead of being childish why not try and be constructive and put your point across in an adult way other than name calling? Your starting to remind me of godwins law

It's not me trying to deflect the conversation by insinuating the other is being childish. Plus you've put your point across so well by name calling me 'childish'. :rotfl:

I just happily pointed out someone with a problem over a partner kissing someone as a greeting has some sort of trust/possessive issue, not a flirting issue. If they try to pass that off as a flirting issue they are either a liar or an idiot.

VestanPance

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

How about when there are boundaries and they are stuck to.

The boundaries quiet clearly were not stuck too, otherwise the OP wouldn't have posted about it here.

gratefulforhelp_2

It's weird how this thread has divided opinion, but on such different lines to the other affair thread/s.