Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

Padstow

suited-aces wrote: »

A lot of sad lonely people want to make as many other people as they can sad and lonely too.

It seems the the OH doesn't necessarily have a high sex drive, he just has a sex drive, which OP is trying to stifle and ignore. No wonder he's fantasising on the internet.

So many misconceptions.

A man looking at !!!!!! does not mean he has a high sex drive, in fact quite the opposite. (Can't get it up without outside stimulation, is not the sign of a stud.) To watch !!!!!! briefly, and then satisfy themselves is normal.
To view for one or two hours is not, and is a sign of an addict.

Someone looking at !!!!!! for many hours has difficulty in getting it up in the normal way. That's why they watch it.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

nickyhutch wrote: »

The solution would mean her putting up with something she finds unacceptable, though, wouldn't it?

ETA or at the very least believing that he'd never do it again, and getting past the fact that he'd done it twice before.

Which is why I mentioned meeting half way. It can't be all one person way - that's a recipe for failure. If, for example, OP is ok with the messages but not the pictures then there's a compromise. If the OP can't meet half way then that is enforcing her rules on to someone else and it won't work. If OP was to "allow" minimal flirting then he wouldn't HAVE to lie and hide things and OP might feel a bit more secure because, while everyone is saying HE has the problem, I think they BOTH have things to work on.

dearlouise

This is exactly why my marriage ended. I feel your pain. I'm 26 years old & my divorce came through last week!

Having come through the other side, I personally wouldn't recommend you stay with him. Children or not... It's probably not what you want to hear.

FBaby

There is a difference in flirting whilst making it very clear that you are in a secure relationship and hapilly so to flirting sharing private body parts without the consent of the partner, making it clear that the marriage in an unhappy one and therefore clearly leaving it interpret that more could happen.

My partner is not a flirt at all and I'm glad he isn't. However, I know a number of men who are naturally, are quite fun, but have never cheated on their wives, not because they are scared, but because they are happily married to their wives and will miss no opportunity to let others know.

candygirl

suited-aces wrote: »

Sunglasses? You seem to be taking a weird sense of satisfaction from an anonymous person's potential decision to divorce.

!!!!!! I selcted the wrong smiley,should've been this one:mad::mad::mad::mad:

shellsuit

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Well, I havent read all the replies (5 pages is a lot! hopefully your keeping up OP!)

My OH is a notorious flirt, he's terrible! He flirts online, he flirts in person (he used to work in a strip club as a bar man!) Does it bother me? No as he knows there is a limit to my tollerance - would i end the relationship over it? no! He's flirting - he isnt actually DOING anything - I still get the attention i want, he isn't out having sex with others - so whats the problem? (I agree with the poster above - those of you who think your OH's are perfect and dont do anything - your very naive)

You mentioned your OH has put he is "unhappily married" - at least he didnt put "single" !!

EVERYONE flirts - people can deny it all they like but its a fact of life. ANYONE who says they dont flirt at some point is a liar - The problem you have is the "over steppping the mark" part and feeling secure in your relationship. Your OH isnt going to stop flirting - so why not allow it to a certain point? (Obviously if he's meeting up with these people then thats a different ball park - that's not flirting!)

I'm 8 months pregnant - it doesnt stop me from flirting on the phone at work (esp if im after a discount from a supplier!) doesnt mean I'm gonna run off with them and actually DO anything. When i wasn't pregnant and we was out nightclubbing i used to love that people found my OH attractive and vice versa. It's nice to be told that someone other than your partner finds you attractive etc - PROVIDING that's all it is. If he hasnt done anything then it would suggest it is more the attention he craves rather than actually being unhappy with you.

Is it REALLY worth destroying your family for?

Flirting?! Are you crazy?

Posting nob pics and exchanging sexual chatting with women isn't flirting !!!!!!!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Like I said - there should/needs to be boundaries.

The guy clearly is happy to some degree otherwise he wouldn't be sending messages - he would be out there physically cheating. Instead he's remaining anonymous on the net - pics CAN mean nothing more than an ego boost. It all depends on the context in which they are sent and what the sender is wanting back from them. If he's wanting to hook up, then I agree - very wrong. However it sounds as if it is simply an ego boost.

No one way of thinking is correct, the OP and her hubby view this differently and if they want their relationship to work then they need to meet half way.

You all instantly think he is doing this because he wants a physical sexual relationship (which I agree is wrong) but he HASN'T physically cheated.

What it boils down to is he is after a boost, she's insecure. There's a middle ground - its down to him not over stepping the mark but making her feel secure, and her not forcing her own rules on to him.

Remember - we only hear one side of the story on here, always read posts open minded and from another angle - no matter how difficult

shellsuit

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Like I said - there should/needs to be boundaries.

The guy clearly is happy to some degree otherwise he wouldn't be sending messages - he would be out there physically cheating. Instead he's remaining anonymous on the net - pics CAN mean nothing more than an ego boost. It all depends on the context in which they are sent and what the sender is wanting back from them. If he's wanting to hook up, then I agree - very wrong. However it sounds as if it is simply an ego boost.

No one way of thinking is correct, the OP and her hubby view this differently and if they want their relationship to work then they need to meet half way.

You all instantly think he is doing this because he wants a physical sexual relationship (which I agree is wrong) but he HASN'T physically cheated.

What it boils down to is he is after a boost, she's insecure. There's a middle ground - its down to him not over stepping the mark but making her feel secure, and her not forcing her own rules on to him.

Remember - we only hear one side of the story on here, always read posts open minded and from another angle - no matter how difficult

He wants a boost? How the hell do you know?

It sounds to me like he wants his cake...

I'd be insecure if my husband was posting pics of his bits on the internet and chatting sleaze to God knows who online!

Would you be OK if you found your husband had been paying for a site, posting pics of his nethers and talking in sexual terms to other women? Seriously??

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

shellsuit wrote: »

He wants a boost? How the hell do you know?

It sounds to me like he wants his cake...

I'd be insecure if my husband was posting pics of his bits on the internet and chatting sleaze to God knows who online!

Would you be OK if you found your husband had been paying for a site, posting pics of his nethers and talking in sexual terms to other women? Seriously??

I don't know - that's the point, none of us know the whole story.

Shellsuit - I didn't mind when my OH worked In a strip club as a barman with half naked ladies walking around and did pole dancing in front of him - I'd be more pee'd he was wasting £10 a month chatting to people when he could do it for free.

nickyhutch

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I don't know - that's the point, none of us know the whole story.

Shellsuit - I didn't mind when my OH worked In a strip club as a barman with half naked ladies walking around and did pole dancing in front of him - I'd be more pee'd he was wasting £10 a month chatting to people when he could do it for free.

The difference is you KNEW he was working as a barman. OP didn't know her husband was chatting to randoms and putting himself out there for sex.