Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Lol flirting is not defined because peoples views are different. To you, a kiss hello is simply that - to someone else it is flirting - So how can it be defined if there are different views of what it is? People have different limitations as to what they will put up with yes, its knowing where that limit is and adhering to it. The op sees it as too far - and that is her right - he doesn't see it as too far, and that's his right. Neither person is wrong in their views but they BOTH need to find a happy medium.

Ok, flip things - op says she thought they had a happy sex life. SHE thought it was happy - HE might have a different view. Interestingly there was a thread a few months back on what people considered as a "normal" sex life - the answers were all completely different. Let say he is using this to get a kick - why exactly does he need a kick? Is there an under laying issue?

He hasn't been doing it to simply hurt the op - there's a reason to WHY he is doing this

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Shall we agree to disagree as we've very much hijacked this thread! (sorry op!)

VestanPance

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Lol flirting is not defined because peoples views are different. To you, a kiss hello is simply that - to someone else it is flirting - So how can it be defined if there are different views of what it is? People have different limitations as to what they will put up with yes, its knowing where that limit is and adhering to it. The op sees it as too far - and tjat is her right - he doesn't see it as too far, and that's his right. Neither person is wrong in their views but they BOTH need to find a happy medium.

Ok, flip things - op says she thought they had a happy sex life. SHE thought it was happy - HE might have a different view. Interestingly there was a thread a few months back on what people considered as a "normal" sex life - the answers were all completely different. Let say he is using this to get a kick - why exactly does he need a kick? Is there an under laying issue?

He want doing it to simply hurt the op - there's a reason to WHY he is doing this

People that think are kiss hello is flirting are idiots. It's not flirting. It never has been and never will be. It's a greeting. They are in fact wrong, and possibly a tad mental. Some idiots think the world is flat. Also wrong. Because people have different opinions on something does not mean something isn't defined.

There doesn't need to be a reason why he did it either. Maybe his sex life is great and he still wants to do it with others. He won't be the first or last to think like that. Maybe he's just a chancing git.

If he is unhappy about some aspect of the relationship then he should be discussing it with the OP, not be signing up to sex sites.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

VestanPance wrote: »

People that think are kiss hello is flirting are idiots. It's not flirting. It never has been and never will be. It's a greeting. They are in fact wrong, and possibly a tad mental. Some idiots think the world is flat. Also wrong. Because people have different opinions on something does not mean something isn't defined.

There doesn't need to be a reason why he did it either. Maybe his sex life is great and he still wants to do it with others. He won't be the first or last to think like that. Maybe he's just a chancing git.

If he is unhappy about some aspect of the relationship then he should be discussing it with the OP, not be signing up to sex sites.

So because someone else believes something different to you its a reason to insult their intelligence? You do realise that the "they're an idiot, they're wrong and tad mental" comment has actually made you look quite childish don't you which is a shame as you was making some valid points but you seem to think everyone now must think the same as you - not gonna happen I'm afraid. To flip your argument - people believed the world was flat as there was no proof it was otherwise - the same as there is no proof the hubby intends to cheat.

We don't know if there is an underlying issue, neither do we know if he has tried to speak to OP about it. Your assuming. He isn't/hasn't "done it" with anyone. Again - your making an assumption.

janninew

I really feel sorry for any person that accepts their OH paying to join a sex dating web-site is normal behaviour and just harmless flirting!

What makes it worse in my eyes is he has done it before and knows how hurt the OP was, yet he has gone and done it again knowing full well the hurt it will cause. I to would be so upset knowing my hubby had registered and paid to look for sex on a web-site and stated that he was in an 'unhappy marriage.'

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Which is you prerogative janninew :-) but like I (keep) saying - it depends on the context, the boundaries, and an agreement. I don't personally mind OH flirting online - is be more annoyed he was paying for it lol obviously it does upset the OP but we have one side of the story and people see it in a tunnelled view rather than appreciate there maybe other factors involved.

janninew

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Which is you prerogative janninew :-) but like I (keep) saying - it depends on the context, the boundaries, and an agreement. I don't personally mind OH flirting online - is be more annoyed he was paying for it lol obviously it does upset the OP but we have one side of the story and people see it in a tunnelled view rather than appreciate there maybe other factors involved.

I appreciate we only have one side of the story, but that's always the case on here, we can only comment on what the OP says, we aren't mind readers! The problem I have is the fact the OP's husband has done it before (and when she had a small baby as well!) he knew it was unacceptable and very hurtful, yet he didn't care enough about her feelings to not do it again. Why would you do something that you know is going to cause a lot of hurt to the Mother of your children and your wife? Just wanting to flirt or have a bit of excitement isn't a good enough excuse to cause hurt and upset.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Which was my point ... could there be a reason he flirts (other than the band wagon "its so he can cheat" theory)

Unfortunately we will never know - but its pause for thought for the OP. Hopefully the OP will make an informed decision which will leave no room for "what if" later on

nickyhutch

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Which was my point ... could there be a reason he flirts (other than the band wagon "its so he can cheat" theory)

What valid or acceptable reason is there for what OP's husband has done?

What valid or acceptable reason is there to deliberately do something that you know will hurt your partner?

VestanPance

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

So because someone else believes something different to you its a reason to insult their intelligence? You do realise that the "they're an idiot, they're wrong and tad mental" comment has actually made you look quite childish don't you which is a shame as you was making some valid points but you seem to think everyone now must think the same as you - not gonna happen I'm afraid. To flip your argument - people believed the world was flat as there was no proof it was otherwise - the same as there is no proof the hubby intends to cheat.

We don't know if there is an underlying issue, neither do we know if he has tried to speak to OP about it. Your assuming. He isn't/hasn't "done it" with anyone. Again - your making an assumption.

No I think they are idiots because they are.

Anyone who thinks a kiss to greet someone is flirting is an idiot. They may not like their partner doing it, but that does not making it flirting. It means they have trust issues, or possessive issues.