Little Brother gotten Girlfriend Pregnant!

jamespir

4Chickens wrote: »

Ok calm down, if the lady (and I use this term loosely) is only 8 weeks pregnant then there is plenty of time to adjust. But there are a number of issues that need addressing here:

1 A 30 yo woman was having intercourse with a 15yo boy
2 Said boy has special needs
3 Said boy is now 16yo and in my opinion is a vulnerable adult
4 A 31 yo woman is having intercourse with a vulnerable adult


Your Mum needs to be jumping up and down like a cat on a hot tin roof.
Your Mum needs to be contacting Social Service and or the police.

I have an 18 yo boy with learning difficulties and if this problem ever presented itself the 31 yo womans' feet would touch the floor for all the trouble she would be in.
Oh and she won't be getting a bigger house, she'll be getting a smaller one, 8 feet by 10 feet with bars on the windows.

not much they can do if your sons 18 regardless of his difficulties

jamespir

im not sure what to say but if you knew your 15 year old brother was seeing a 30 year old why did you not put a stop to it cause i would
she sounds like a user and it may be hard on your brother to give up her and the baby but it is probably the best idea

jog

Hi OP,

It sounds like a really difficult situation for you all.
I have to say I agree with the posters who have said speak to social services and the police. In the first instance you could call social services and ask to speak to the duty officer, you don't need to give them names at this stage but tell them what has happened and ask their advice, they will be able to advice you.

As others have already said he is a vulnerable young adult and should be treated as a minor and this is an inapropriate relationship, she should be investigated by social services and the police.

Take Care all of you.

sock-knitter

i'm afraid there will probably be nothing social services can do unless there is proof they had underage sex.
one of my 16 year old lads is in a similar position, but not such a big age gap, in my sons case the skank is 24, and already has kids in care

Weird_Nev

Errata wrote: »

Because of his learning development at 15 he's a vulnerable child and at 16 a vulnerable adult. I'd say he'd been groomed by the woman and enticed into sexual actitivity with her. That's not right, and advice should be sought about the best way forward in dealing with the situation.

He is NOT a vulnerable adult.
at 16 he is a vulnerable child and still within social services remit.
At 17 he will be a juvenile. You are not an adult until 18.

I don't really have any advice apart from to try and keep your brother away from this woman, break off contact, and consider your options regarding contacting social services.
There may be offences there if she had sex with him when he was under 16. It doesn't sound like his disabilities are severe enough for offences of "sexual activity with people who are mentally disordered" as those offences deal with those unable to give true consent owing to their disabilities.
You can discuss it with either a child protection team or a sexual offences team in your local police service, they may be able to give some clearer guidance on the facts you know.

To me it sounds like the sex was consensual and probably not that damaging in of itself - it sounds like she's winding your poor brother up for a massive head-f*#k with the pregnancy and child though. She'll run him through the mangle telling him it is his child, it isn't, she was sleeping with other men all along - that kind of stuff could do lasting damage to his ability to form relationships and that's why I would suggest that you monitor and limit contact with this toxic woman, certainly for the time being.

System

My heart really goes out to you and your family; this sounds like an awful situation to be in. As other posters have said, it's very important that you go to social services with this. Regardless of what happens next, you need an expert to give you advice. This board is great for general advice and opinions, but I think you really do need to speak to a professional about everything that's going on. I appreciate that it might be difficult, particularly if you're going against your brother's wishes, but it doesn't sound like he's fully able to comprehend the situation that he's in (no offence intended). The rest of the family needs to know exactly where he stands so you can support him to the best of your abilities.

Regarding whether or not it's possible to prove child abuse and/or grooming, that really isn't the most important thing right now. Social services need to be informed anyway - if there's nothing the police can do, the worst that can happen is that you've got the support and advice of someone at SS. If it helps make it easier when making initial contact, anything you say to SS will be confidential at this stage. Even if no formal action is taken, at least you'll be better prepared and more fully aware of your brother's options.

rpc

Weird_Nev wrote: »

He is NOT a vulnerable adult.
at 16 he is a vulnerable child and still within social services remit.
At 17 he will be a juvenile. You are not an adult until 18.

Under Scots Law (I don't know much about the English equivalent), he most certainly could be a vulnerable adult. You can become a vulnerable adult from your 16th birthday and that is down in statute. You are still a child, so at ages 16 and 17 you could be both a vulnerable adult and a child depending on the circumstances.

Regardless, I agree social services should be involved.

newcook

jamespir wrote: »

im not sure what to say but if you knew your 15 year old brother was seeing a 30 year old why did you not put a stop to it cause i would
she sounds like a user and it may be hard on your brother to give up her and the baby but it is probably the best idea

the OP said in their first post that they didnt know he was seeing the older woman as he always denied it and was seeing her when he should have been at college

Oakie

For the sake of the baby this needs to be reported to Social Services. Theres a child whose going to be born in less than the best circumstances.
Similar sort of thing happened to my brother,he was at a very low ebb in his life {family bereavement} and some skany cow took advantage of him.I know that sounds odd ,a grown man being taken in by a woman.But at the grand age of 20 he had never had a girlfriend before,and she offered herself on a plate.
Rest of the family tried to warn my brother off this woman.He was giving her all his money and getting into debt for her.But he was completely besotted with her and wouldn't listen.
Finally after 5 years and a lot of heart ache,he woke up or maybe that should be grew up.And he realised what we all had been saying about her was true,that she was a liar,cheat and a manipulator.
The only thing is in the midst of this is a child.The social finally intervened and she in foster care
I feel my brother's life has been blighted by this woman,but the child now has a better chance in life.

go_cat

I hope as the Op hasn't been back for 2 days that she is getting the support her and her brother need