Little Brother gotten Girlfriend Pregnant!

euronorris

janninew wrote: »

I'm not sure on the ins and outs, but he was always around 3 years behind at school. He is under a Consultant for care and gets help at College. I will check with my Mum later and have a read through his paperwork.

I mentioned that he should get checked out, he told me not to be stupid and that this 'women' hasn't got any 'germs!'

Does he understand what she implied when she said she was 'pretty sure' he was the father? Would he still feel so strongly about her if he did?

Also, it would be a good idea to explain that anybody can become infected with an STD, and unknowlingly pass it on. Unless they were both checked before starting a sexual relationship, and have both been faithful to each other since, then there is a chance she could've passed someting onto him.

If she's only 'pretty sure' that he's the father, I think it's a safe bet that she wasn't faithful to him.

I understand it may be difficult to get him to take all this in though, so can social services help with explaining it in a way he will understand?

Nicki

I have a DD with severe learning difficulties and if some piece of scum had sex with her when she was 16 (though in cognitive terms much much younger) I would go ballistic.

Personally I would report this woman to both social services and the police if the relationship began before your brother was 15. I should have thought that if you do this, she may well deny that the relationship took place at all, in which case at least you don't have to go down the route of DNA testing etc to stop him being dragged round the CSA to support her child. But I also think if she has done this to your brother, she could do the same to another vulnerable child, so she needs to have a shot across her bows at this point, and to be on the official radar as a sexual predator. From what you say, she has never done a day's honest work in her life, but assuming she does decide at some point to get a job, I wouldn't want her to be working with vulnerable young teens and this relationship with your brother should be reported so that even if she isn't prosecuted, it will still show up on an enhanced CRB check for the future.

Without knowing anything about your brother, the situation also needs to be handled as far as he is concerned in an appropriate and sensitive way. If you aren't able to do this on your own as a family, I am sure Social Services and or CAMHS have come across this kind of situation sadly many times before and can swing into action to help.

4Chickens

janinew

As a mother of an 18yo with issues, shall we say, your mum and dad need to understand the motivation for your brothers attitude right now.

In my humble opinion, this skanky mare has opened the Pandoras Box that is sex. Unfortunately once this box is opened, there ain't no closing it.

Your brother will stick by this poor excuse for a woman because she is offering him something he wants/enjoys. He will say, do, go to any lengths to get what it his that he wants and he is far too immature to even contemplate that there are any consequences. You have given a pretty grim description of her family and if they are as skanky and morally deviod as she is then I would worry about the brothers etc getting involved, god only knows what these knuckle dragging ectomorphs will do to take further advantage of your brother

Also a scary thought is that he is trusting her as a mother figure, she will look after him, everything will be alright etc etc. This is a false sense of security and just how anyone explains it to a hormonal teenage boy is beyond my expertise (I just tell my son that I will rip his arms and legs off and beat him to death with said limbs if he doesn't comply - not mother of the year material but hey ho whatever works).

You however have some options:
You can contact childline, parentline etc anonymously and get the best advice on how to deal with this. Once you have gathered together as much information as you can then you need to sit down with your mum and dad and work out what is best for your brother.

newcook

I would also monitor his money incase he starts giving her some already.

this woman sounds vile - I'd definately report her to the police and social services.

FatVonD

I too think you need to call the Police/Social Services and not just for your brother's sake. Even if the child turns out not to be his there is still a child being born into a less than ideal family unit and your report might just tip the balance to it being removed if there is cause to believe she is an unfit mother.

MentalMinnie

I'd push the tramp down the stairs if i was the lads mother.Dirty skank.

janninew

Thanks all so much for your replies, I will share this thread with my Mum and Dad tonight when I go round. I will update first thing tomorrow and let you know what we are going to do.

After talking to my Mum on the phone it appears my Brother has already been giving her money and this seems to have been going on for a while. He has a weekend job in a DIY shop and gets around £100.00 per weekend, he never has anything to show for this money and when my Mum questioned him further, he admitted to giving it to her or paying for her shopping.

4Chickens - You've picked up on a very good point with regards to sex, he is a teenager boy with raging hormones and she is giving him what he wants - this probably explains why he thinks he loves her. The thought sickens me, having sex with a 16 year old boy isn't something a 31 year old women should be doing.

I work in a large secondary school in a very poor district and have come across all sorts of parents, but she really takes the biscuit and it really is a nightmare situation.

Thanks again.

WhiteHorse

The skank has committed multiple criminal offences. Go to social services and the police. Unfortunately, the chances are that they simply won't care.

kazwookie

1. Ring the police and social services and report it now.

2. DNA test as soon as possible

3. No more money for this 'lady' till further notice, ie proof the child is his.

lizzywig

Blimey o'reilly what a pickle.

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

not from her response, she seems to want the kid to get more money and a bigger council house. So getting pregnant seems to have been part of her plan.

I have to agree and this was my first thought.

A couple of people have mentioned going to the police, I think this is a good suggestion. Although you may have concerns of what would happen to the baby, if it does turn out to be your brothers then he would be able to apply for custody (I am no expert in this area but that would be my guess). If the baby is not your brothers then the baby would still be better off without this 'woman' around to 'look after it'. If social services already have an interest in this family then I imagine they would be hugely interested in this information. Even if it can't be persued with the police for say lack of evidence then this might just be the sort of thing that ss would want to know. For all you know this could be happening to someone else.

It sounds to me like your brother was an easy target for her to get her bigger council house. She's obviously been clever enough to wait until he was 16 before she fell pregnant....almost like she's been 'grooming' him. I'm really sorry to read all of this, all you can do is be there for your mum and brother. Try and remind your mum that these things do work out in the end, however long it takes to get there.