Little Brother gotten Girlfriend Pregnant!

janninew

Hi All,

I've had some news last night which has shocked me to say the least.

My younger Brother (16 years old) announced that his girlfriend is pregnant. The girlfriend is 31 years old and has 5 children already!

We didn't realise that they were 'seeing each other' as he has always denied anything going on, but apparently he spends all his time round there when he says he is going to his mates or to College.

She has told him she is around 8 weeks gone and is 'pretty sure' he is the Father! My Mum was in tears when she called last night and isn't sure what to do. My Brother has quite severe learning difficulties and was taken out of mainstream school at the age of 11 to go to a specialist school. I know he has to take responsibility and he has to face up to what he has done, but I feel so angry at her. I can't help wonder what kind of women at 31 years old has any sort of interest in a 16 year old boy? Her eldest Daughter is 14 years old.

She has 5 children already by 4 different Men and all but 1 of her children have serious problems. One of her children is extremly violent and oftens lashes at children in his class, one several occasions these other children have been hospitalised after he has hurt them. It really isn't a safe environment for a new born. Social Services also have an interest in her children, though I'm not sure why.

The main worry at the moment is her being 'pretty sure' he is the Father! She has told him she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the baby and will raise it alone. He suggested that he move in with her, but she said no as she won't get her benefits and won't get a bigger Council House. He is really upset and is trying to do the right thing, he says he wants to be with her because he loves her!

I've been worried about this all night, the next step in my mind is going to be a DNA test when the baby is born, which means abother 7 months on him not knowing either way.

If he does turn out to be the Father then he said he will give her what money he has to help, he is so naive though and only thinks about the next few months, he doesn't realise that he will have to support her for the next 18 years.

My Mum has always been very open about condoms and getting girls pregnant and when I asked him how this happened, he said they 'forgot' to use one! He said 'we've done well though cos we've been having sex for a year and never forgotten before.' This worried me as a year ago he was 15 years old (turned 16 in August).

Sorry for the long rant, but I feel more upset by this than I thought I would, he's my little brother, he's made a mistake and I feel bad for him as he hasn't go a clue. He is my younger Brother and feel very protective of him, I still see his a little boy, not a Dad! The whole situation just doesn't feel real.

j.e.j.

janninew wrote: »

Hi All,

I've had some news last night which has shocked me to say the least.

My younger Brother (16 years old) announced that his girlfriend is pregnant. The girlfriend is 31 years old and has 5 children already!

We didn't realise that they were 'seeing each other' as he has always denied anything going on, but apparently he spends all his time round there when he says he is going to his mates or to College.

She has told him she is around 8 weeks gone and is 'pretty sure' he is the Father! My Mum was in tears when she called last night and isn't sure what to do. My Brother has quite severe learning difficulties and was taken out of mainstream school at the age of 11 to go to a specialist school. I know he has to take responsibility and he has to face up to what he has done, but I feel so angry at her. I can't help wonder what kind of women at 31 years old has any sort of interest in a 16 year old boy? Her eldest Daughter is 14 years old.

She has 5 children already by 4 different Men and all but 1 of her children have serious problems. One of her children is extremly violent and oftens lashes at children in his class, one several occasions these other children have been hospitalised after he has hurt them. It really isn't a safe environment for a new born. Social Services also have an interest in her children, though I'm not sure why.

The main worry at the moment is her being 'pretty sure' he is the Father! She has told him she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the baby and will raise it alone. He suggested that he move in with her, but she said no as she won't get her benefits and won't get a bigger Council House. He is really upset and is trying to do the right thing, he says he wants to be with her because he loves her!

I've been worried about this all night, the next step in my mind is going to be a DNA test when the baby is born, which means abother 7 months on him not knowing either way.

If he does turn out to be the Father then he said he will give her what money he has to help, he is so naive though and only thinks about the next few months, he doesn't realise that he will have to support her for the next 18 years.

My Mum has always been very open about condoms and getting girls pregnant and when I asked him how this happened, he said they 'forgot' to use one! He said 'we've done well though cos we've been having sex for a year and never forgotten before.' This worried me as a year ago he was 15 years old (turned 16 in August).

Sorry for the long rant, but I feel more upset by this than I thought I would, he's my little brother, he's made a mistake and I feel bad for him as he hasn't go a clue. He is my younger Brother and feel very protective of him, I still see his a little boy, not a Dad! The whole situation just doesn't feel real.

:eek:
The situation sounds abusive to me. I am just thinking out loud here, but if a 31-yr-old man had been having sex with a 15-yr old girl he could get prosecuted. Does the same apply when the genders are the other way round?

mrshaz

hello
wow that is a tough situation to deal with. i'm sorry but if they have been having sex for a year and he was 15 she needs to be reported to the police.

that aside, there isnt much you can do until the baby is born and can prove if the baby is his or not. which is a waiting game but there isnt much choice i'm afraid.
you have every right to be upset and angry, yes your brother made a mistake but from wjhat you have said she has taken advantage f a young vulnerable boy.

i really dont know what to say to help but you have my total sympathy.
xx

scheming_gypsy

Sounds like he's got himself a keeper there!


My advice would be to have a quiet word with her, including the words 'statutory rape' and advise her to tell him he's not the dad; and to palm it off on somebody else... and nothing else will be said about it.

Right or wrong; it's what I'd be doing.

euronorris

j.e.j. wrote: »

:eek:
The situation sounds abusive to me. I am just thinking out loud here, but if a 31-yr-old man had been having sex with a 15-yr old girl he could get prosecuted. Does the same apply when the genders are the other way round?

That's a good question. But also to consider, is whether you would want to follow up on that angle or not? Will it cause more problems than it solves for your brother?

Also, I would ask your brother why this woman is only 'pretty sure' that he is the father. Has she been having sex with other men then? Is he happy with this? Has he even considered that (giving the learning difficulties and naivety you mention)?

Practically speaking, is he able to cope with this and asking questions himself? Or do you think that you or your Mum will need to assist him?

Also, I would suggest that he simply starts saving money for the baby at this time (and not hand it over to her). That way, once the baby is here, and the DNA confirms he is the father, he'll have a sum of money to help with new baby things, nappies etc etc. ANd if it confirms he isn't the father, well then he hasn't handed over any money for a child that isn't his.

4Chickens

Ok calm down, if the lady (and I use this term loosely) is only 8 weeks pregnant then there is plenty of time to adjust. But there are a number of issues that need addressing here:

1 A 30 yo woman was having intercourse with a 15yo boy
2 Said boy has special needs
3 Said boy is now 16yo and in my opinion is a vulnerable adult
4 A 31 yo woman is having intercourse with a vulnerable adult


Your Mum needs to be jumping up and down like a cat on a hot tin roof.
Your Mum needs to be contacting Social Service and or the police.

I have an 18 yo boy with learning difficulties and if this problem ever presented itself the 31 yo womans' feet would touch the floor for all the trouble she would be in.
Oh and she won't be getting a bigger house, she'll be getting a smaller one, 8 feet by 10 feet with bars on the windows.

euronorris

Oh, also, if she's only 8 weeks gone then an abortion is still possible.

I know that's not a palatable choice for everyone on here, but in this situation I think it would be best.

janninew

When I told my Husband he said she sounds like a pervert and if it were the other way round my Dad would be getting the Police involved. I'm sure he will deny them having sex before he was 16 years old as he is infatuated with her. Why couldn't he find a nice girl of his own age to go out with, he should be having fun at 16 years old. I've never actually met this women (god help her when I do - she will be getting a piece of my mind). The whole situation is wrong, I'm younger than this women by a couple of years and nothing on this earth would make me have a relationship with a 16 year old.

scheming_gypsy

euronorris wrote: »

I know that's not a palatable choice for everyone on here, but in this situation I think it would be best.

not from her response, she seems to want the kid to get more money and a bigger council house. So getting pregnant seems to have been part of her plan.

mrshaz

euronorris wrote: »

Oh, also, if she's only 8 weeks gone then an abortion is still possible.

I know that's not a palatable choice for everyone on here, but in this situation I think it would be best.

dont be daft..she wont do that, this baby will be another paycheck!

some people need to learn to shut their legs, or be sterilised!

janninew

euronorris wrote: »

Oh, also, if she's only 8 weeks gone then an abortion is still possible.

I know that's not a palatable choice for everyone on here, but in this situation I think it would be best.

I asked this question and he got very upset at me. He said she wants to keep the baby and will not consider an abortion. Even if he wanted her to, its out of his hands now and is obviously her decision.