Unemployed girlfriend of 3 years pressing to have a baby

Marisco

kazwookie wrote: »

How does she fund her life style / clothes/ going out / her part of the bills etc now?

I should think she doesn't, spiritus does!! So if you break it down it only comes to £8,500 each per year. That equates to a 38hr pw job paying £4.30 ph!! She needs to pull her finger out sharpish!!! I honestly don't know how she can do it!!! I would hate having to depend on oh for every little thing, even if it was only 100 quid pw part time, it would be something!!

BigAunty

spiritus wrote: »

..However, her mother gave up work at an early age because the father was earning enough to support both of them. Could this be an influence ? I don't know.

..

A bit far fetched as an influence. Times have moved on and she's apart from what her peers are doing which is going to be the main and contemporary influence.

I don't doubt that she's suffering because she hasn't found the high status high paid job she desires. She seems to be going through the normal despondancy and withdrawal that comes from not having a job to provide structure and focus.

However, as you are cushioning her from economic reality, she's not suffered enough to consider making-do with a lower status or low paid job.

If she was getting JSA of £65 a week, having to pay for all her outgoings and living in a grotty bedsit in the cheap part of town, she'd have been a bit more incentivised to find employment.

Now that she prizes motherhood above employment, she has no motivation at all to secure employment.

spiritus

kazwookie wrote: »

How does she fund her life style / clothes/ going out / her part of the bills etc now?

If it is off you, which I think it is, I suggest you withdraw ALL funds / food / money etc now and see how long she is 'in love' with you for and how long it takes her to get a job.

She doesn't have a "lifestyle" and nor do I.

We don't go out much as we can't afford it. She smokes and funds that by selling things on Ebay (I know, I know).

ads2312

I wish other people would think like you and actually think hard about things like this rather than pop them out without a care in the world.
Maybe a bit harsh, but she sounds a bit selfish if you ask me, not prepared to help you out. I think you are blinded by the big L.
Sit her down, show her how much you earn and where it goes and say it's not possible. Plenty of us have put of children because we can afford it.

Marisco

spiritus wrote: »

She doesn't have a "lifestyle" and nor do I.

We don't go out much as we can't afford it. She smokes and funds that by selling things on Ebay (I know, I know).

Well I can't say owt about that, as I do so myself!!:o But has she no "shame" (wrong word I know, but cannot think of another!) that she is living off you, and not contributing anything at all? I don't hold with this "my money, your money" malarky, to me it's always "our" money, but at least I do put into the "pot". I'd feel like a 19th century "kept woman" otherwise!!!:D

Emmzi

Honestly, from what you write, I think you know the answer.

Sometimes love isn't enough.

Good luck.

Oldernotwiser

spiritus wrote: »

She doesn't have a "lifestyle" and nor do I.

We don't go out much as we can't afford it. She smokes and funds that by selling things on Ebay (I know, I know).

But does she do any of the things I mentioned in my earlier post?

kazwookie

Sorry but she does have a life style:-

Food
Clothes
Personal hygiene items
Drinks even if just soft drinks
Shoes
Water
Gas
Electric
Council Tax
Bus fares or similar


Some one must pay for all of this, and it is you?

She sells stuff on ebay to fund her smoking, what happens when she has no more stuff to sell?

Like I said earlier, you need to STOP funding her lifestyle, there are plenty of christmas type temp jobs out there in shops, warehouses etc, agencies as looking for temp staff.

spiritus

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

English candidates who are long term unemployed (as your GF is) will also find it difficult to gain employment and the longer they're unemployed, the more difficult it becomes.

Has she done anything to make herself more employable in the last few years; voluntary work, additional qualifications etc?

Come to think of it, how does she actually spend her time? Does she shop and cook frugally to make your income stretch? Does she grow vegetables to save money on the food bill? What does she bring to the relationship in practical terms?

Not really. Going back to college has been discussed but the courses are not free which in turn adds further expense to the household budget. It can be argued that it's an investment but still no guarantee.

She does cook and is obviously hampered by our budget but I feel our shopping bills could be cut even further which is why I often hate myself when I catch myself scrutinising the weekly supermarket receipt and questioning why we have bought a 97p item that we didn't need.

ads2312

if it's got to a stage where you are doing that I think you know the answer. You need to tell her how you feel and explain your reasons, show her your ins and outs.
Tell her you want kids but cant aford them until she finds a job and get a bit of money behind you. If she wants them that much she will understand and do all she can. Working in shops etc can be fun, get her to look at agencies that have government jobs as they are making loads of cutbacks and employing casual staff as it's cheaper.
There are jobs out there but she cant be to fussy if she's not trained.