Unemployed girlfriend of 3 years pressing to have a baby

Gleeful

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

Yes, I know it's the Daily Mail but..

"But I do believe that any man who moves in with a woman in her late 30s or early 40s should take it as read that she will want to use them to procreate, by fair means or foul, no matter how much she protests otherwise.

A 2001 survey revealed that 42 per cent of women would lie about using contraception in order to get pregnant in spite of their partners’ wishes."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html#ixzz1cftXBLQ7

I know at least 3 women who think it's perfectly acceptable to get pregnant even though their other half isn't ready. It's apparently even more alright if you're married. They seemed shocked that I was happy to follow my other half's wishes to wait a while. Even though we're married.

I don't speak to those women anymore by the way. I was a bit disgusted by their views.

debrag

margaretclare wrote: »

And why not? There is a name for a child born out of wedlock, although it may be non-PC even to hint at such a thing. Accidents are one thing, cold-blooded planning is something else.

My sister has 4 and isn't married, her & her partner live together and both work - one self employed & one a nurse, they own their own house too. Should my sister have waited?

Marisco

To be fair to MC, she's of a generation that it "wasn't done" to have a baby before marriage. Although she is quite a bit older than myself, I can understand her thinking. It's only comparatively recently that is has become the "norm". When I was a teenager, if you got pregnant before marriage, it was considered shameful, and really wasn't done. (I did live in a small place, so it might have been different in the "big city":D)

I live with my partner and have done for the last 18 years, and we have no intention of getting married, I'm too old to have kids, but even if I wasn't I'd have to give it a lot of thought. The only reason I'd get married, with kids, would be because it gives you greater security if everything goes pear shaped. Otherwise I can't see the point. My mam, if she was still here, would be horrified, although she was a "paid up" member of "womens lib" before it became fashionable!! But some things would still have been "unthinkable" and having a baby "out of wedlock" would have been one of them!!

As for meanings of words, I remember having a ding dong row with someone over the word "colored", I couldn't see any problem with it (still cannot if I'm honest!) I was told it was insulting to black people etc. I thought !!!!!!!!! All it denotes (to me) is someone of a different colored skin to me. I do sometimes think we should take more notice of context, rather than the actual word though.

Oldernotwiser

likelyfran wrote: »

This place is still full of 'disgruntled taxpayers' then!

Is motherhood not considered a worthy full-time job any more? Obviously not! Oh, and if you can't afford to consume, consume and buy your kid all the latest computer games and other carp, you shouldn't bother having children!

A return to old-fashioned values is very much needed!

Surely "old fashioned values" are to work for the things you want, not to have a family until you can afford it and not to rely on the state for handouts?

What sort of OFV did you have in mind?

clemmatis

Marisco wrote: »

As for meanings of words, I remember having a ding dong row with someone over the word "colored", I couldn't see any problem with it (still cannot if I'm honest!) I was told it was insulting to black people etc. I thought !!!!!!!!! All it denotes (to me) is someone of a different colored skin to me. I do sometimes think we should take more notice of context, rather than the actual word though.

There are a couple of problems about calling people who aren't white "coloured". One is mainly historical; though it was once, in Britain, a polite term for people who aren't white, it became derogatory and considered offensive. The second is that when used as you use it, it implies that your, white, skin colour is standard but other skin colours are, well, "coloured".

I simply think it's best to avoid using it in this context.

gentleorange

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

Yes, I know it's the Daily Mail but..

"But I do believe that any man who moves in with a woman in her late 30s or early 40s should take it as read that she will want to use them to procreate, by fair means or foul, no matter how much she protests otherwise.

A 2001 survey revealed that 42 per cent of women would lie about using contraception in order to get pregnant in spite of their partners’ wishes."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html#ixzz1cftXBLQ7

Is that really the case now? I'm in my mid thirties and seem to know more men who are looking to settle down and have children than women. It's more acceptable today (maybe even more so with the recent 7 billion landmark hanging over our heads) to say that you don't want or need to have kids. Procreation will have to become more of a lifestyle choice, less a supposed inevitability.

If you have any doubts at all OP be careful you don't get her pregnant, because then the matter will be entirely out of your control - and don't let yourself get guilt-tripped into fatherhood either. Not a good start.

If you both want children you both need to be mature enough to work out a strategy to allow it with the minmum of stress. If she won't do that, regardless of her age she is not mature enough to be a mother yet.

The 'fly by the seat of our pants and all we need is love' strategy is disasterous. It didn't work for me at 21 and in my 30s I'm still dealing with the fallout!

Oldernotwiser

clemmatis wrote: »

There are a couple of problems about calling people who aren't white "coloured". One is mainly historical; though it was once, in Britain, a polite term for people who aren't white, it became derogatory and considered offensive. The second is that when used as you use it, it implies that your, white, skin colour is standard but other skin colours are, well, "coloured".

I simply think it's best to avoid using it in this context.

And yet the oldest civil rights group in the USA is the NAACP - National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.

saterkey

Being thirties i can understand why she may be pushing to have a baby, it may become too late for her soon without risks.

On the other hand, You arent married, thus if she does decide to go back to her country and you have a child with her, be prepared that she will take that child back with her, you may get no rights be unable to visit etc etc. Even if you are married i think they normally side with the mother.

you are in a scary situation either way, my preference would be to let her go, spend some time enjoying yourself and finding someone who is more compatible with your ideals, working, house, money finance etc, possibly marry and have children when your ready and have some savings.

Wishing you a lovely life and a great family in the future, when you decide together and not pushed into it.

J