Unemployed girlfriend of 3 years pressing to have a baby

embob74

I'm sure the OP has more than enough opinions/ words of advice to get through but just to add mine....

Once your gf has a baby it will almost be not worthwhile to go to work as the cost of childcare is so high, unless she miraculously gets a job in her chosen field and that is a high-salary one.
So you will likely have to support her and your child if you decide to have one.
I would point out that if your gf was working she would be entitled to maternity pay which can be a lifesaver for the first 9 months with a baby. Additionally getting a job will enable you both to save for the day when the baby arrives and the costs start to mount up.
From my personal experience I have found that after having a child a lot of women take on low-paid, menial jobs and do so because they wish to provide the best they can for their child.

embob74

runningwoman wrote: »

I think despite the PC approach, a lot of women wouldn't "like to feel needed" in a financial sense, but work because they have to or feel they ought to, not because they want to.
Why on earth should I -or any other woman - have to work in something I hate to "bring an income in" to make some stupid political gender point or to make someone like yourself happy, I have enough trouble keeping myself happy, thanks :cool:
Essentially. If a chap is happy with his profession, and has the resources for a partner not to work, and PREFERS this set-up then your problem is............????
The issue here for the OP seems to be "how can we practically manage the money and fertility timeline". The responses seem to be along the lines of moralising about the details of his domestic set-up, and that's what I'm not happy with. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with a non-working partner even if the non working partner is childless
Given that the OP couple have so far managed without benefits OR getting into debt I think that puts them a lot ahead of the rest of us, so that's why I'm somewhat :rotfl: at all the outrage here!

I agree that the OP is supporting his OH and being a little browbeaten for it by people who would probably be more outraged if they were asking what benefits she could claim.
However it is the OP who seems most bothered by the fact his gf does not work or contribute to the finances.
It's great that you managed to find so many men to keep you and I am a little jealous as no man has ever totally supported me financially but in your case it seems the men were happy to do so.
I know from experience that when money is tight it is easy to feel resentful of a partners lack of contribution or overspending. I think the OP is wise to be dealing with the matter now as resentment can quickly grow and after many sleepless nights and worry of how you can afford the baby's nappies and milk there will come a time when things reach a head and a lot of relationships may not survive the fallout.

Welshwoofs

Money isn't the be all and end all......but then neither are children.

The reality Op is that, if you're annoyed at her lack of industry now, how do you think it will be if you have a child next year and she insists on being a SAHM for 5-10 years and then finds herself as an unemployable 50yr old? Will you be happy to keep stretching your low wage, having to worry about spending 97p on something at the supermarket, until she hits retirement?

neverdespairgirl

Sixer wrote: »

MargaretClare - perhaps you don't realise how you come across, perhaps you do, but I don't think it's reasonable for you to pick up on one word used by an OP and then frame judgemental and inciteful posts around that word, despite being perfectly well aware that different people mean different things by it.

I also think MC's posts are insightful. I don't think of them as particularly judgmental, though.

neverdespairgirl

runningwoman wrote: »

I was financially supported by my partners. And no, I didn't have kids.

No, I wasn't on benefits or aiming to be, and my partner didn't have a massive list of "TASKS TO MAKE YOU WORTH YOUR KEEP" (my housework skills are :eek: at the best of times, so it was probably wise to keep me away from the kitchen....).

It's a free country. If you and a bloke are happy for him to work, and you to sit around doing nothing, more power to your joint elbows.

As it's still a free country, I'm perfectly entitled to say that I don't have much respect for you in doing that.

purple.sarah

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I also think MC's posts are insightful. I don't think of them as particularly judgmental, though.

She said there is a word for children born out of wedlock (like me). I think we all know what that word is. How is that not judging those children and their parents? I feel judged.

purple.sarah

daveys wrote: »

This of course is the same Daily Mail that recommends that ladies should keep their man well fed:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2056977/Kirstie-Allsopps-tip-happy-relationship-Keep-man-fed.html

I actually found that article more patronising to men than women. " 'If you want to talk about feelings, don’t do it when they’re hungry,' she told the Easy Living magazine.

'Men are different from women, they have different metabolic rates. My mum always used to say "Pick your moments... make sure they’re fed". They can’t cope otherwise." It sounds like she's talking about a small child, not a grown man. Or a puppy. It's important to remember their correct feeding and care, they can't feed themselves you know!

neverdespairgirl

purple.sarah wrote: »

She said there is a word for children born out of wedlock (like me). I think we all know what that word is. How is that not judging those children and their parents? I feel judged.

She's right. there is such a word. Fact.

One which applies to my son, too.

purple.sarah

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

She's right. there is such a word. Fact.

One which applies to my son, too.

But she was saying why not? As if she agrees with it.

runningwoman

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

It's a free country. If you and a bloke are happy for him to work, and you to sit around doing nothing, more power to your joint elbows.

As it's still a free country, I'm perfectly entitled to say that I don't have much respect for you in doing that.

Oh dear. My heart bleeds that you don't respect me, that's been my number one goal in life, has been since I was a small child.

(I'm also delighted that a superior little creature like yourself has confirmed that it's a free country, because I didn't know that before. Well done :T Would you like a cookie and a pat on the head?)