Going to a women's refuge

affordmylife

wow you have been through a lot you poor love.

do what you know you need to do tomorrow.

i wish you lived near me cos i would come and pick you up right now.

you do have friends now.

onwards and upwards lovely lady xx

System

Can'#t begin to imagine what you're going through but you've taken a very difficult and brave step, and have nothingto be ashamed of, quite the opposite. I wish you well tomorrow and hope you can get away and start to rebuild your life away from this horrible violence

pearl123

"I feel so utterly ashamed and embarrassed about my situation." - you bullying partner has made you feel this way!

OP - I've been a victim of DV myself and understand some of what you are going threw. (So many of us on here will be thinking of you tonight and tomorrow. Do let us know when you are out of the situation and safe)

OP- believe it or not you are strong. You've lived with a voilent man! That strength will help you on monday to get away from him.

Also as someone else said - Be careful looking at your pc tonight, as you don't want him to notice this tread.
xx

ninacasino2003

I do some helping at a womens refuge.

What struck me when I arrived is some of the questions you had to fill in, apart from the usual like you who are, some of the questions were like "How long did you suffer abuse?", "How did it make you feel?" , "How did it effect you?" etc.

If you didn't feel a victim when you entered, you did after answering them!

I changed it to : "How did you pluck up the courage to leave?" , "Where did you get the strengh to make the decision to leave" , "What is your plan to be happy again".

Just that subtle change of mindset helped the ladies a lot, and thats how the OP should view it. You are not weak or lesser, you are strong person who has come up with a plan, researched it, and gone through with it, kept strong and had success at it (ironically all the traits you need in a job).

pearl123

OP - once you've left - don't look back nor go back!

aloise

The reason my husband beats me is I cannot find a job.

And if you had a job,he would beat you because you weren't earning enough, or the house wasn't as tidy as he'd like, or you didn't have time to do a big meal, or just because he is evil and wanted to hurt you.
it takes a strong and brave woman to eventually make the break.I think you are that kind of woman. good luck, let us know what happens. We are all rooting for you.

Mrs.W_2

Thinking of you today, 3moggi3s. And sending all good wishes for your strength to determine your own future in a safe, supportive environment.

sassyblue

New to this thread. I just wanted to say l hope it's all going well today and you can get away, you're already a strong courageous woman don't let him or anyone else make you feel inferior.

Good luck in your new life.xxx

pupsicola

I have been in your shoes OP. 5 1/2 years ago I left my violent and abusive husband after years of suffering. It is an extremely hard thing to contemplate doing. I will not lie to you and say that things have been easy. However nothing has been as hard since, as living with him in fear had become. I didn't go into a refuge so cannot advise on that.

I have been in tears reading your posts, it has bought back all the emotions I felt. Please dont feel ashamed or embarrassed, you have no need to. His treatment of you will have knocked away all your confidence and feelings of worth. It can take years to get that back. With every little achievement, every bit of dignity you claim back for yourself it slowly comes.

You can do this and your life will be so much happier in time. I am thinking of you and hoping that later tonight you will be away from the individual who has been abusing and hurting you. Tomorrow is the start of the rest of your life hun. Huge hugs to you.

icelandic_queen

Good for you. I suffered in silence and left after a particularly vicious beating. Every day I thank God I'm alive and not a statistic, a wife who was killed through DV. I work 2 jobs and it's been hard at times but I'm alive, can sit with my girls and watch TV, eat what I want when I want and enjoy my life. I have something he'll never have, control over MY life!! Take courage and Go!!!