Going to a women's refuge

Bumpmakesfour

Oh sweetheart :(My heart breaks for you and everything you've encountered in your life so far..so not fair:(
There IS happiness out there for you and leaving this relationship is the first step towards it.I wish I could help but i see you're in B'ham so not near me.Sending you much love and strength.You CAN do this xxx

JenJen70

Are you absolutely sure they said you had to ring round to find a place?

I have had some contact with Womens Aide through my job & they usually let you know where a place is available.....have you misunderstood?

Expecting a DV victim to phone round to find a space in a refuge is not practical at all & could be downright dangerous for them.

shell_girl

I haven't been in refuge but have worked for Women's Aid. I thought it may be useful for you to know a little bit about what to expect, as I suspect that is why you've asked for posts from women who have been into refuge?

When someone is looking for refuge the WA worker has acces to a database that tells her about vacancies across the whole of the UK. The WA worker will look for the most suitable placement, ie there may be a family room available in a refuge close to you that would not be suitable for you as a single woman, so they may look slightly further afield. Usually women will not be placed in refuge if they live too close to the refuge, as it would be too easy for your husband to find you- most people tend to know where the 'local' refuge is.

In the refuge you will usually have one room that is your own, with shared bathroom and kitchen facilities. Most are just like houses, large houses granted, but they are kept as comfortable and homey as the local WA group can afford.

You will be allocated a key worker who will help you make any claims for benefits etc that you are entitled to, and help you access support.

If you have money for a taxi/ transport that's great, but if you do not some WA groups will fund travel for women from within their own area to the closest suitable refuge space. Some local authorities will provide a travel warrant for you to get to refuge, and I've worked cases where the polica have stepped in to take a woman to meet a local WA worker to get her into refuge (admittedly that case was extreme)

When you are about to go into refuge you will be asked a series of questions that may seem a little bit intrusive (eg alcohol/ drug use). These questions ar not to prevent you from accessing refuge, they are a risk assessment to make sure that you are in the right place, for example most groups are reluctant to have two women who have alcohol issues in the same house as it could lead to problems.

Off the top of my head I can't think of anything else that you might need to know, but I'm happy to try and anwer any questions you may have. I'll check back later this evening. Please remember to stay safe, clear cookies from your computer and do not select 'remember me' on this forum.

The time you leave is statistically the most dangerous time. I am not saying this to scare you, but for you to be aware that you need to be careful. Don't be afraid to call 999 if anything happens, that is what the polica are there for.

If you are positive you cannot leave until Monday then do NOTHING out of your usual routine until then. If you can, make a phonecall on 101 to your local police station and ask them to flag your phone number and address as an address where domestic abuse is taking place. They will not act unless you ak them to, but if you do call 999 from that address once you've been flagged for domestic abuse your response time is a lot faster.

Good luck OP x

3moggi3s

Yes, I was told to go and ring numbers to find immediate shelter as the one the lady I was speaking to said hers was full up. I was caught off guard as I was only wanting someone to talk to, instead I was advised I should get out of my home asap because she felt I was in danger. She gave me very good information and phone numbers that I will be using to get out of this situation I'm in.

My initial call was just to open up and talk about my situation. I didn't know that there was help available. I didn't know about women's refuges or anything like that.

I'm looking at the time and he will be coming home from the pub anytime. I'm going to have to make myself very small right now.
Thanks to everyone for the moral support. I don't feel alone. I feel I have each and everyone of you standing behind me giving me strength to carry on.
When I read about others who have suffered DV and their children witnessed it makes me all the more sadder. You make me stronger because my dear Amanda loved me so much that I'm grateful she was never able to see someone hurt or treat her mum like this.

shell_girl

shell_girl wrote: »

Usually women will not be placed in refuge if they live too close to the refuge, as it would be too easy for your husband to find you- most people tend to know where the 'local' refuge is.

Sorry this isn't clear enough. What I meant to say is that a woman will not usually be placed in a refuge too close to where she lives. Reading it back it sounds as if I said that you would not be placed in refuge at all, which is not the case. Women's Aid will find the closest available space that is safe for you.

Mrs.W_2

You're an extremely brave woman, 3moggi3s. Be thinking of you in the coming days, and dearly hoping you find a place of safety!

Involving the police might be difficult, and feel like it takes strength you do not have at this time, but he should not be allowed to continue thinking his behaviour is in any way acceptable.

3moggi3s

shell_girl wrote: »

I haven't been in refuge but have worked for Women's Aid. I thought it may be useful for you to know a little bit about what to expect, as I suspect that is why you've asked for posts from women who have been into refuge?

When someone is looking for refuge the WA worker has acces to a database that tells her about vacancies across the whole of the UK. The WA worker will look for the most suitable placement, ie there may be a family room available in a refuge close to you that would not be suitable for you as a single woman, so they may look slightly further afield. Usually women will not be placed in refuge if they live too close to the refuge, as it would be too easy for your husband to find you- most people tend to know where the 'local' refuge is.

In the refuge you will usually have one room that is your own, with shared bathroom and kitchen facilities. Most are just like houses, large houses granted, but they are kept as comfortable and homey as the local WA group can afford.

You will be allocated a key worker who will help you make any claims for benefits etc that you are entitled to, and help you access support.

If you have money for a taxi/ transport that's great, but if you do not some WA groups will fund travel for women from within their own area to the closest suitable refuge space. Some local authorities will provide a travel warrant for you to get to refuge, and I've worked cases where the polica have stepped in to take a woman to meet a local WA worker to get her into refuge (admittedly that case was extreme)

When you are about to go into refuge you will be asked a series of questions that may seem a little bit intrusive (eg alcohol/ drug use). These questions ar not to prevent you from accessing refuge, they are a risk assessment to make sure that you are in the right place, for example most groups are reluctant to have two women who have alcohol issues in the same house as it could lead to problems.

Off the top of my head I can't think of anything else that you might need to know, but I'm happy to try and anwer any questions you may have. I'll check back later this evening. Please remember to stay safe, clear cookies from your computer and do not select 'remember me' on this forum.

The time you leave is statistically the most dangerous time. I am not saying this to scare you, but for you to be aware that you need to be careful. Don't be afraid to call 999 if anything happens, that is what the polica are there for.

If you are positive you cannot leave until Monday then do NOTHING out of your usual routine until then. If you can, make a phonecall on 101 to your local police station and ask them to flag your phone number and address as an address where domestic abuse is taking place. They will not act unless you ak them to, but if you do call 999 from that address once you've been flagged for domestic abuse your response time is a lot faster.

Good luck OP x

Thank you for your reply. Some of what you have said has been explained to me. I am so grateful that you explained this further with me. God bless.

shell_girl

OP if you call the number in my sig relevant to where you live the worker on duty is supposed to find you the space- you don't have to do that yourself x

mandi

3moggi3s wrote: »

I don't have any living family. Mum, dad and my daughter was all I had. I have been isolated from the world by caring for my elderly parents and disabled daughter who have all passed away now, then further isolated from the world by my husband.

I never really had a chance to make friends.

3moggi3s


Just me again . I was hoping you are watching your thread

I'm sure that your husband has realised your isolation & in a way probably contributed to it with his actions .


So many victims of DV find themselves isolated because they loose all their self esteem & find simple things difficult to cope with .

I don't want to rant on about my circumstances because at the moment you are my priority .

Let the tears flow , and then feel proud of yourself 3moggi3s

A new day is a new start .

You CAN do it .:)

JenJen70

Was it definately Womens Aid you rang?

Like a PP has said WA have a Database that will show them where places are available all over the country, there should be no need for you to be phoning round trying to find a place.

I feel you have been misadviced & would phone back when you have the opportunity.

Good luck