WWYD having to pay for child to go to party

mandi

sarahevie wrote: »

I won't take her if she can't eat. At 18 months old she eats everything, she's completely weaned and walking says a few words I wouldn't exclude her in that way, it's not fair.
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I honestly think your friend is being very reasonable about this .

She has said that both your children are welcome to the party .

She really doesn't have to invite siblings

Birthday party's are very expensive at the best of times but in December most people are also budgeting for Christmas .

A good compromise would be to offer to pay for your daughter

Easy peasy .. Problem solved

Seanymph

With two girls 15 months apart, who went to the same playgroup, shared classrooms until they were 8, and did the same outside school lessons I know exactly what has upset you.

Now they are 16 and 18 I have hindsight which is 20/20

Encourage them to have different and seperate friends - and allow other families to treat them as seperate individuals. I coudln't stress that enough.

I have to confess as I type they have gone, together, for two days to Alton Towers (one has a friend, one a b/f with them for the trip but my eldest is driving) - so they still choose to hang out together, but when they talk of 'regrets' they have few except for that they weren't allowed to be individuals, one was always forced to drag the other along.

In this case I would offer to pay for the youngest to have a meal, or arrange for the youngest to be elsewhere and let the eldest have a 'special thing' that the youngest didn't.

What you shouldn't do is get angry with your friend of three years and affect your children's friendship over it.

It's so hard when they are close together - there are bonus's though - both on the same rides on days out, both with the same interests, both in the same place to drop off and pick up. But you have to work hard to keep them individual - mine still answer for each other and confuse people who don't know us so well because they even look alike! But they have seperate friendship groups now - although they've chosen to attend the same college at least they are doing different subjects.

I only share that to show that I know exactly what it's like to have them that close, and I know I'd have reacted the same as you - but if I went back I wouldn't have done......... not 18 months ago one of mine was invited to a family party of friends and one wasn't invited - so I took the one not invited to see Avatar (was that 18 months ago?) - she was upset but we had a lovely time and that was ok. They both have to deal with disappointment. Having said that youngests friend has a party tonight they are coming back for - and eldest is going too!

They will hit loads of these as they grow up - you can either temper it by paying for one, or do something different for one - but you can't force other parents to treat them as one unit just because you had two kids close in age......... they need to be able to be individuals.

And as a final point (I piffle on!) I too was a SAHM, and it was damned hard work - but as they got older having two together has double bonus's left right and centre. I wouldn't have put mine any further apart for anything.

Spendless

Does the venue admit children under 2 for free? That's my guess on what has happened. She doesn't want to pay for an additional birthday guest who is under entrance fee age, but that means your youngest doesn't count in figures so doesn't get a meal included. That's why she's saying she doesn't want to pay -cos LO can go in for free anyway.

euronorris

sarahevie wrote: »

I had a party for my three year old at the same place, but we didn't get exclusive use of the venue, so only paid per child (so was considerably cheaper) and therefore we invited all siblings and paid for them all (including her own) I think this is why it has got my back up.

It was more that she said she won't be able to eat.

You can take a packed lunch with you for her, can't you?

My brother's twins had a party at one of these places, and decided against the food option they offered, because it was expensive and carp. So they took their own food in, and gave that out to the kids.

I know every venue has different rules though, and this was about 4/5 years ago, so the rules may have changed since then.

Dontknowanymore

Why not just pay for the chld rather than dwelling on it or take a pack lunch.

liney

When I have hosted and attended softplay parties siblings are their parents responsibility not the hosts. They aren't mentioned: Mum brings them pays herself, or she doesn't.

Think back to what your friend actually said. Did she perhaps say 'X is welcome to come along too, but or course she won't be on the food list', which is a statement that informs you that X can come along for your convenience, but she isn't a party guest so won't be fed and given a party bag.

I think Spendless had hit the nail on the head. I mean you don't invite newborns to soft play parties. Their presence is incidental.

gratefulforhelp_2

sarahevie wrote: »

A friend of mine was discussing her party plans for her daughter in December (she's going to be 3).

She is having the party at one of those soft play places, they have paid for exclusive use of the venue. Then they have to pay an additional charge on top per child (not sure what this is for food perhaps?) I have a 3 year old, met when our daughters were newborn and see each other at least once a week.

She said to me today that for the party in December, she would like my youngest (18 months) to come but she won't be allowed to eat. When I said I didn't understand, she said she didn't want to pay for her.

Well there's no way I will let my child go to a party and not be allowed to eat when the others are. How unfair. For me she's either invited or not, how would you deal with this?

Decline her kind (!) invitation and drop her. Rude and insulting.

sarahevie

Seanymph wrote: »

With two girls 15 months apart, who went to the same playgroup, shared classrooms until they were 8, and did the same outside school lessons I know exactly what has upset you.


What you shouldn't do is get angry with your friend of three years and affect your children's friendship over it.

It's so hard when they are close together - there are bonus's though

Thanks for this, I think mine may share a classroom til they are that age as well, they would do if they were going to my old school, not sure with the one they are going to. They definitely will at nursery and pre school though.

I certainly wouldn't fall out with her over it.

Grateful I agree it's rude, but she does things like this very regularly, but means well just isn't very tactful. She has lots of friends who see her occassionally for this very reason. She's absolutely lovely in small doses.

As party is on a Saturday, DD2 can stay with dad. Plus we have now realised as it is the last Sat before christmas and we both work in retail neither of them may be able to go.

victory

I agree fully with sean it happens a lot of the time, it always feels like the end of the world for them if they are not invited too and the parents feels desolate for them and compensate, I so agree they should be individuals, have their own friends,Seans posts is spot on.:D

mambo69

My 2 are a similar age gap and sometimes they go together, but my opinion is the one invited to the party is because it is for there friend, so the other is along as its easier. in those cases I would not expect them to eat with the main party.

However why not get partner to take the youngest out somewhere on there own? thats what we do sometimes and give them seperate time,they are not a package deal after all