WWYD having to pay for child to go to party

Newly_retired

As the younger sibling with an 18 m older sister I used to get very fed up with not being treated as an individual.
Of course at 18m old yours won't know any different and would expect to join in fully with the others so I can understand how you feel for her.
If it is not possible to find a way round it I would use the excuse ( or fact) of work to decline the invitation.

When my granddaughter was 3 the party was at a soft play, but we provided the food. Only the invitees were officially paid for, younger children went in free. There were seats at table for the invitees. Younger siblings were welcome ( if it meant the invitee couldn't otherwise come) but their mums held back and only helped themselves to food for them once the invitees were served and it was obvious there was enough to spare.
As far as I am aware, this is the norm. it is not expected that younger siblings should cash in on the situation unless the host has made it explicit.

dibuzz

It's always difficult as it upsets us when we think our kids are being treated unfairly.
My youngest 2 are not quite 2 years apart and were very close, if my daughter was invited to a party my son would cry (I had nobody to leave him with so couldn't sneak her out) and often people would say "aww let him stay I don't mind" especially if it was a home based party.
Although that made the kids happy I realised it wasn't a good thing and started to ask in advance that they wouldn't ask him to stay if he wasn't already invited.
If he was invited as a younger sibling I always offered to pay if it was a play area type party and it was probably 50/50 whether they accepted.
If he wasn't invited I would take him somewhere else so he felt he was getting a treat too.
I'm glad to see you aren't going to fall out with your friend about it though

lostinrates

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Decline her kind (!) invitation and drop her. Rude and insulting.

I think that's a little harsh. My best childhood friend had a sister less than 18 months apart and I rememeber overhearing conversations between mothers about the difficulty of this when inviting my friend to parties...the sister was expected to be invited too..even though separate classes. The two sisters were very close and loving, but honestly....very few of our mutual friends likes the sister much, which made everything doubly difficult. Though increasingly so as we got older.

I'm guessing kids parties are not cheap, and an extra ...especially one who though sounds very capable IS wee and might need extra looking out for etc, especially if the older ones get a little bumptious and over excited.....I think the mother, though phrased it poorly, probably genuinely cares for the OP and her kids to want to involve the little one, but is being honest about the financial limitiations here.

aliasojo

Just a thought but would the soft play even allow you to bring your own food? I know the one my nephew goes to does not allow food on the premises unless bought from their cafe.

shellsuit

The soft play parties I know of, you have to pay per head.

If the woman can cut the cost down then she should.

It's her 3yo's bday and she has invited your 3yo.

I'd do the same, and wouldn't be willing to pay for sibling, as where should she stop?

What if one of her friends has 3 children and another has 4? Should she invite and pay for all those too?


It looks like you have 2 choices. Pay for the little one, or stay at home with the kids.

I personally wouldn't have a problem with it at all and I have 2 kids who are 18 months apart in age too, so I've had this in the past myself.

sarahevie

Newly_retired wrote: »

Of course at 18m old yours won't know any different and would expect to join in fully with the others so I can understand how you feel for her.

QUOTE]

Yes this is the point. I would never assume she could come if she was in a different school class etc. However, she is in the same playgroup room, will be in the same pre school class. Is in the same dance class and music group. She is always with the others so it will seem very strange for her.

I just won't take her, that's easier than having her excluded at the event, she does do things individual to her sister when her dad is around just not in the week as I have them both together.

Sublime_2

What happens at a lot of these play centres is children under 3 are allowed in free. I normally invite my DDs friends, and if people want to bring others thats down to them. Most people bring their toddlers, and babies, knowing they can have a run around, and don't take offence.

Close friends understand this, so has never been a problem. Can't see why you're upset.

If the party was at home, it wouldn't be a problem, but if you paid for every sibling that attended, a party of 20, could easily get doubled at an extra cost of approx £7.50 per child. Its why people I know wouldn't expect it. My friends are pretty laid-back though.

19lottie82

I really don't see what the problem is here.

The woman is holding a party for her child and has invited as many children as she can afford. As other posters have said, do you expect her to pay for every invitees siblings? She is not being unreasonable IMO.

I wouldn't not let your eldest attend just because the youngest isn't invited to the "meal" part of the party, that's not fair. Both of them are going to be invited to things where the other isn't at many points during their childhood.

If you are really that strongly that your youngest will feel excluded, simply ask if she can join in with the other kids if you buy her food from the softplay foodcourt. Easy.

shellsuit

sarahevie wrote: »

Of course at 18m old yours won't know any different and would expect to join in fully with the others so I can understand how you feel for her.

Yes this is the point. I would never assume she could come if she was in a different school class etc. However, she is in the same playgroup room, will be in the same pre school class. Is in the same dance class and music group. She is always with the others so it will seem very strange for her.

I just won't take her, that's easier than having her excluded at the event, she does do things individual to her sister when her dad is around just not in the week as I have them both together.

The easiest thing would be to pay for her, then she won't be excluded at all.

JBD

OP, why are you making a big deal out of this? Presumably she is inviting your youngest as a convenience to you. I had to take my youngest to her older brothers party invites sometimes, as I didn't have a babysitter, I certainly didn't expect the host to pay for her meal as well. Just buy her a meal or a portion of chips or something.