WWYD having to pay for child to go to party

shellsuit

sarahevie wrote: »

I know I was just shocked, as I really thought all three of the girls were best friends, this is how we have always seen them. So for her to sort of backhandedly that DD2 wasn't included seemed a bit weird. I now see what she meant, about the cost etc.

Like I say it might be a non issue with work anyway, as we can't go bonfire night for that reason. OH won't take the girls on his own as he doesn't really know the other mums and they are going to their grandparents already arranged.

Shellsuit I know what you mean, I'll be here in five years when they are at school having these dilemmas do I include all the class, close friends etc;) I've read some of the other threads:rotfl:

Believe me, unless you've got a money tree when they get older, you'll have no choice but to cut some corners to help with costs.


I'm just glad my 2 are teenagers now, as the parties kids seem to have nowadays can cost £££££££££££££'s! A limo and a huge chocolate fountain for a 6 year old anyone? :eek:

Lunar_Eclipse

sarahevie wrote: »

Yeah I'm thinking that too.

It's difficult with my younger one because I've been largely a SAHM and there's only 18 months between them (only one school year when they get there), so my two have always come as a package to all the toddler groups, in a way that other sibling groups haven't. So I've perhaps wrongly assumed that they would be invited together.

I would probably take both your children, take a packed lunch/snacks and play it by ear at eating time with your youngest. I suspect your 18 month old will have a great time and not really understand that she is being left out.

I'm in a similar situation, in that my girls are 17 months apart, but several years older. I can't stress enough that whilst you see your children as coming as a package, that isn't how most people will think of them. It would have been equally appropriate and probably more common, in my opinion, for only your eldest to have been invited (but obviously until kids start school parents are more aware of childcare issues.) I'm assuming your children aren't at nursery, but when they start that and/or school, they will start making her own friends and become more separate. Still, I look back fondly of how inseparable my two were, particularly since they want to kill each other today!

Teenie_D

I can see where your friend is coming from, it was good of her to invite your little one but tbh if my friend had said to me your wee one can come but she can't eat I'd be furious!! Either she is invited or she's not simple. Even if she said I'm sorry we would love xxxx to come along but I can't afford the extra that wouldn't be so bad.

Thank goodness there is a 3 1/2 yr age gap between my two, wont have these problems to contend with LOL!

Janepig

sarahevie wrote: »

. OH won't take the girls on his own as he doesn't really know the other mums and they are going to their grandparents already arranged.

That is the most rubbish excuse for a father shirking his responsibilities I've ever heard! Bet he's laughing up his sleeve at you letting him get away with not having to suffer the two hour hell of a kiddies party. There's always dads at the parties we go to, DH often takes DS/DD to parties (albeit not as much as I do as I work part time so am more available). The last party DS went to, one of his classmates was taken there by their grandfather, who sat in the corner by the door reading a book.

Teenie_D wrote: »

Thank goodness there is a 3 1/2 yr age gap between my two, wont have these problems to contend with LOL!

There's a 2 and a half year age gap with my two, but that doesn't mean parties aren't an issue. For starters they both get miffed when one has got a party to go to and the other doesn't - tough tit is what I tell them, life lesson learned, you can't always have what you want. DD got dressed up for youth club halloween party last night and DS was a bit peeved not to be going as he was too young, but there you go.

Also, there's the issue of having to take the non-invited child if you haven't got anyone to watch them. In that case I have a word with the host and check if it's okay for the other one to tag along, and usually, if it's a sandwiches and crisps for food type affair then they'll be allowed to eat too, and more often than not would get a party bag, but I always warn them not to expect one. Soft play is usually easier because you can pay for the non invited child to go in (unless, like in this situation, there's exclusive use) and also pay for a meal for them.

Jx

claire16c

Just buy the little one some extra food from the cafe there. Or share some of the older ones food with her and sneak a snack in. Problem solved.

I think it probably is down to younger children getting in for free but therefore there is no food provided for them. So it makes no sense for your friend to basically pay a load of money for 1 childs lunch if she were to pay for her.

At my wedding the reception my niece was 2, well we told them she was 20 months and so they let her in for free, but therefore there was no food for her. My sis-in-law understood perfectly we werent about to spend that much on food for a 2 year old, but there was plenty of food and she simply ate some off her mums and partners plates and they put an extra plate out. Im sure it will be the same at a childs party especially with all the havoc and noise they wont notice if you just grab an empty plate.

Kathy535

I once had a similar party for DD, when she was 6. She invited a friend who had a 41/2 yr old sister. The mother turned up with the 4 yr old, stayed the entire time (even though there was no need) and when it came to the meal kept saying loudly to the little sister 'no, you can't have anything to eat, you weren't invited'. Cue much screaming and mewling from the little one. I felt obliged to pay for the child to sit and eat with the rest of the party, which, to be honest really peed me off. (I'm not saying that's what you'll be doing but it just reminded me of how annoyed I felt to be put in that situation when I hadn't even invited the sister!!)

What kind of meal will it be? If it's a buffet can she perhaps share with her sister (if not too obvious?). Or perhaps as others have suggested, take your little one out to the play area while the foods eaten.

Sambucus_Nigra

sarahevie wrote: »

She said she was really disappointed that we couldn't come next week as my girls are her daughter's best friends and would OH take them, so there's no hard feelings.

If both your girls are her daughter's best friends, then why is only 1 invited?

Does her DD get invited to your girl's parties, ie 2 a year or just the elder one's?

Jesswithwings

Hi, I know this isnt what you want to hear but I understand where your friend is coming from. I've been going to soft play parties with my oldest for years and what I do is take the other 2 along and buy them dinner there, so it arrives at the same time as the party food. At 18 months they're not overly aware that they're not sitting at the party food table with the birthday boy/girl but they get to play too. At least you would save money on admission - normally I have to pay to get the 2 uninvited kids into the soft play. Those places cost an absolute fortune - our local one is about £11 a head for a birthday party so there's no way you could pay for every child and every sibling to go. If she made an exception for your little one she might upset other mums.

I was in the opposite situation last year at DS1's party - I had quite a few parents ask if the invite inlcuded the 8 year old brother or the 1 year old sister and I had to be brutally honest with them - I'm not made of money.

I hope you can find a solution that you're happy with

thegirlintheattic

I can understand but she could've put it better. My parents once threw a similar party but didn't invite siblings, one girl's brother still turned up expecting to play and be fed and it was an extra expense they could ill afford.

I'd either arrange for the little one not to go or pay or take a few snacks.

shellsuit

I forgot to say in my earlier posts, that although you are close to this friend and all your children play together, maybe this Mum thought that that the £X per head, was going to be wasted on your 18 month old, as the little one won't be able to play as much as the older children, and also probably won't eat as much as the old children.

I'd take the little one and either buy something to eat when you're there or take some snacks long.

These places cost between £6-£10 a head, and even I wouldn't want to pay that for an 18 month old x