The Buffy buys a House diary.......

RosaBernicia

You're not being lazy petal - you're just in neutral for a bit. Downtime for much needed maintenance. (Spookily, I was saying earlier I've only just figured out that time off has to be in regular doses not saved up for some future long past the point of worn beyond repair. I think perhaps you're the same as I've been.)

Do just what you need to do, for right now.

((hugs))

Rosa xx

thevinternet

Your animals will also be loving the extra fuss, and I believe I read somewhere that stroking an animal lowers your blood pressure so no need to feel guilty, our minds and spirits need looking after and cherishing in the same ways that our bodies do.

Buffythedebtslayer

I just feel so unhappy. on a basic level. So deeply unhappy. I have no idea what to do. It's like work was all that was keeping me together. I didn't want to write this here but I don't know where else to write it. I tried today, done some washing, made a list which I ignored. so bloody tired. Mum is unhappy. I thought I would be free to do what I wanted whilst I was off but actually apart from going out I don't want to do anything in the house apart from dropping a match and burning the whole bloody place down. I forget things, when things happen what I said.

I don't know a way out. previously there has been a book or a challenge that i have clung to to get me through times like this. I have felt this bad before but never admitted it. Always managed and now I just want to be left the !!!! alone. so angry and disappointed with myself. Cannot find a way out.

I am going for a nap. maybe a sleep would make me feel better.

xxx

Northern_Lassy

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I just feel so unhappy. on a basic level. So deeply unhappy. I have no idea what to do. It's like work was all that was keeping me together. I didn't want to write this here but I don't know where else to write it. I tried today, done some washing, made a list which I ignored. so bloody tired. Mum is unhappy. I thought I would be free to do what I wanted whilst I was off but actually apart from going out I don't want to do anything in the house apart from dropping a match and burning the whole bloody place down. I forget things, when things happen what I said.

I don't know a way out. previously there has been a book or a challenge that i have clung to to get me through times like this. I have felt this bad before but never admitted it. Always managed and now I just want to be left the !!!! alone. so angry and disappointed with myself. Cannot find a way out.

I am going for a nap. maybe a sleep would make me feel better.

xxx

OH lovely Buffy, I felt a lot like this about three years ago, a massive accumulation of different stresses led me to a near breakdown. I kept on going, had the house for sale, family to look after, a bereavement and a new job caring for an 'at risk' child, I was physically and mentally exhausted but refused to slow down as I didn't want to let anyone down or admit that I was struggling to cope.
One October day my mind and body made me stop, I just could not get out of bed and ground to a halt. The doctor gave me some meds (which I was loathe to take at first) and I got lots of rest and gradually began to feel better.
You deserve to rest and mend yourself, you are not lazy, you are poorly and you might benefit from some meds to rebalance your system, it will be your choice as to whether this is the right route or whether perhaps talking to someone may help.
Please be kind to yourself, sending lots of love x

beanielou

Buffy~So very sad to read that.
Please take care of you as much as you can & remermber we all care about you.
You are not lazy, just exhausted.

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I just feel so unhappy. on a basic level. So deeply unhappy. I have no idea what to do. It's like work was all that was keeping me together. I didn't want to write this here but I don't know where else to write it. I tried today, done some washing, made a list which I ignored. so bloody tired. Mum is unhappy. I thought I would be free to do what I wanted whilst I was off but actually apart from going out I don't want to do anything in the house apart from dropping a match and burning the whole bloody place down. I forget things, when things happen what I said.

I don't know a way out. previously there has been a book or a challenge that i have clung to to get me through times like this. I have felt this bad before but never admitted it. Always managed and now I just want to be left the !!!! alone. so angry and disappointed with myself. Cannot find a way out.

I am going for a nap. maybe a sleep would make me feel better.

xxx

It will get better. Don't worry about forgetting things, that's just part of the being burnt out. So is not knowing what else to do - you've got used to zooming in on things and now looking at the big picture makes it seem all out of focus and weird, and you feel all wobbly!

Stop making lists, sleep, cry, hug piggies, stare at TV. If you need a book to point you somewhere, read Stress Induced Illness by Tim Cantopher. But he'll tell you those same things.

And phone friends. Can you go somewhere else for a couple of days so you get a break from your mum?

(Not meaning to sound bossy but was diagnosed with exhaustion in June so am only a few steps along from you. PMing you my number in case useful.)

lotsa ((hugs))

Rosa xx

Lemon_Tree

hi Buffy, sending you hugs and more piggie squeaks, it sounds to me that you need to go back to your doctors and tell him exactly what you're feeling, please know that you have friends on here who would like to help you through these times and you're not alone.

amber03

Hi buffy just finished reading your diary,

First you have given me hope that if you have gotten out of debt then so can i , i know its a little bit late but many congrats at achieving this.

Second i have been where you are now, it was about 20 years ago but i have never forgotten it and at the back of my mind is that it could return. I got to the stage where i [EMAIL="did@nt"]did'nt[/EMAIL] want to go out and had panic attacks in shops, which was hard with to small children to feed and this was before internet shopping was available. I took one step at a time to recover at the beginning it seemed that i would never get there and at times it did'nt seem possible ( probably how i feel at the moment about repaying my debt ). Dont feel guilty take the time to get better accept any help that is offered, its about time you had some "Me time" Does this time of the year affect you, the SAD's syndrome.

I think Lemontree said it all go back to the doctors, can you get counselling if you would like it and come on the boards where your friends are.

BIG HUGS to you if there is anything i can help you with then let me know as i said before it will get better , it took time but i got there as hopefully so will you.

Buffythedebtslayer

Just find all the kindness so overwhelming.

one of my friends asked today if I was catching up with stuff. I am not. Well I caught up with my washing, which has pleased me. I saw my friend tonight and I went for a drive. Now sitting here i do feel better then I did earlier and the nap helped too.

I do know I will get past this. It is odd tho, I have always been a make the plan execute the plan and even if the plan doesn't work you generally get further long than you were. so you know it is always worth doing something.

however these last few days I cannot find it to be motivated. I suppose as you say it is normal. I only have four days left and so much to do. tomorrow the new cage comes for the guinea pigs.

at least I have clean knickers!!!

xxxx

beanielou

Yah to clean knicks.
Not beyond the realms of possibilities that you can go back to the dr and get another line you know xxxx