The Buffy buys a House diary.......

Buffythedebtslayer

Being doing some reading.


http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/08/my-12-step-program-again.html


http://www.depressionhelps.com/twelve-steps-to-overcome-depression/

http://www.depressedanon.com/steps.html

I don't suppose it is as easy as following 12 steps but it makes for interesting reading.

Especially when you realise things like I barely sleep, I feel LOADS better now after an 2 hour nap, I don't eat lunch or breakfast, just spend the day snacking on sugar filled biscuits, all fine in my 20s but not doable now. it is all run run run run from one thing to another. And now I have stopped I have literally stopped completely.

it is 7.30 I had wanted to move the furniture round in my room. I REALLY need to do this. Plus the guinea pigs need a bath.......ugh.

I could make a start I guess. or I could do some marking.

xx

RosaBernicia

Sleep lots and whenever you like - your brain and body need a break. I honestly think that good sleep helps give your subconscious time to work things out and spares you a bit of the conscious to-ing and fro-ing!

I can see what you mean about things in boxes breaking out... when the barriers get broken down all sorts of things that got shoved under the carpet reappear. But it's an opportunity to deal with them. Apparently. I am only halfway through this process myself!

Would give yourself a while longer before big decisions. Did you go back to the doctor's for more time?

((hugs))

Rosa xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I have an appointment Friday morning, but don't want any more time off, I will be right in the !!!! if I leave it any longer. best get on with something.

xxxx

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I have an appointment Friday morning, but don't want any more time off, I will be right in the !!!! if I leave it any longer. best get on with something.

xxxx

Could you do a phased return to work? I know you'll be worried about stuff building up while you're away, but I'm also worried about you getting even more stressed if you're chucked back into the deep end.

Plus you don't have to fix all that - you need a break to fix you properly first!

Rosa xx

Buffythedebtslayer

No chance of that, besides it is only five days till the end of term. I really cannot have any more time off. not worth the hassle.

Right do a little marking.

xxx

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

No chance of that, besides it is only five days till the end of term. I really cannot have any more time off. not worth the hassle.

Right do a little marking.

xxx

ah, forgot you would be coming up to holidays :doh:

Not so bad then, if you get a break after 5 days anyhow.

Rosa xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Yep. just five days. Is freaking me out a little. I really wish I could get a !!!!ing grip! I actually wish I hadn't been signed off. It just seems to have made things worse.

I have four days to prepare. really should have done my room today.

I hate the word should.

I would go to bed but know I will just lay there and not sleep.

Right bed by half 11 and then up at seven.

see you all tomorrow.

xxx

gwen80

Have you tried mefanamic acid for the pain, Buffy? It's the only thing that touches it for me. Occasionally that doesn't work either, but most of the time it does the trick or at least does enough so that I can get to work and function at about 80%. I get really bad PMT in the sense that I'm absolutely exhausted the week before the time of the month. Feels like a quarter of my life is wiped out because all I can manage is getting to work, eating and sleeping. A GP once said to me that it can be due to having a stressful life or something? I think she meant that if you are stressed all the time, it doesn't take much to tip the balance, e.g. PMT. No idea what the hell to do about that though!?!

Hope you're feeling better soon

Gwenx

Buffythedebtslayer

This current doctor puts pretty much everything down to work (I didn't get the migraines or craps during the long break for example) and so hasn't suggested anything for them.

I bought St John's wort (thanks Chevxx) and some chewable vitamins I suck at swallowing tablets...(someone will have to make a joke out of that). I think what I want is a plan to follow.

eg, my degree, my pgcse, early years of teaching, the fact that I picked teaching as a career, it has a plan a time table, all this free time - my farm is looking pretty good and I am all caught up on the tv front but nothing is doing.

I have to make a plan.............re-examine my goals and aims in life. I think whilst becoming debt free I was ok with being in a job well working for a group of people that I effectively neither like trust nor agree with. There was an end in sight. If I am honest I could have been signed off at any point in the last two or three years. The workload has always been laughable and I have always had migraines (as the long term followers will know! really sorry guys!!) but there was a point, so I kept going. Now I wonder why I am carrying on with two jobs and still living at home struggling all ways round, not because Mum is hard to live with she isn't but just because I am 35 and should be doing something else with my life. I hate admitting that. It feels like another should. I don't see why I "should" leave Mum on her so I can go and be on my own?

If I sit here and think about my ideal life it does involve being really good at my job, simple things like sleeping, getting up early getting in early and being organised. having files and folders sorted not searching for that crucial piece of paper. things being simple, no clutter or rush.I would have my masters and next year leave my current job to go to another similar job the next school year. no sitting on the sofa for hours watching pointless tv programmes whilst equally pointlessly surfing the net.

When I think of really successful people they never do that! In fact scrap that I don't want to be successful I want to feel happy.

I read somewhere happiness is a choice. will have to think on that.

Somewhere in the background there would be romance. love. and my friends would feature so much more than they do now. I miss my friends.

read this today too,

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/06/23/regrets/


I am a great believer that your surroundings represent your headspace, my headspace is pretty messed up. really need to fix that. I think I have been putting it off so the reality of my life or more accurately what I do next.......

I think I might dig up my Zen book. http://zenhabits.net/start/

I would FLylady but really her e mails are quite annoying! and aimed at people with kids.


enought thinking for one night.

bed now.

xxxx

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Yep. just five days. Is freaking me out a little. I really wish I could get a !!!!ing grip! I actually wish I hadn't been signed off. It just seems to have made things worse.

I have four days to prepare.

Buffy, if you feel like this, are you sure you're ready to go back?

Rosa xx