What rights does a unmarried father who is NOT on birth certificate have?AdvicePlease

Karen1980

My Horrible X is local again, I have 2 children with him, he left me when I was preg with no 2 and has never seen her and denies shes even his!! When we were together he was nasty to me he never hit me but was close to it and he constantly cheated on my but I was so depressed I let him get away with it. Anyway, He isnt on either of my childrens birth certificates, and I got a letter from a solistor out of the blue saying he would like to write them letters, I Ignored the letter and havent seeked legal advice yet, I thought I'm not going to jump the minute he wants contact. Then last week I got a letter about going to meet him in a mediation centre, which again I have ignored. What is his rights, can he just come and take the children.? I'm so scared I dont know what to do. ???

looby75

you need to go and get some legal advice asap. NO he can't just come and take the children so you have no problem there and because he isn't on the children's birth cert he will have to apply for parental responsibility through the courts before he gets any real rights over them. Please don't ignore the letters etc anymore, because unfortunately that looks bad on you and good for him if this ever does get as far a court room.

Please please go and find a solicitor, a lot of them give the first visit for free and if you are on a low income you may be able to get legal aid to help pay for any future costs.

welshcakes

I would personally write a short letter back to the solicitors, not going into any unneccessary detail and keeping it to one formal paragraph, stating that due to the history of aggressive behaviour of their client during the relationship, you will not be accepting the request for any meeting with him.

Mediation is optional and a way of attempting to get an agreement between the parties without any intervention by the courts etc. It is not something that you have any obligation to go to and as I assume you are not prepared to have him come back into your lives, it is likely that any meeting would only fuel anomosity toward you.

The only reason the mediation is requested seems to be purely an issue of him seeking contact with the children. Obviously this is not an issue on which you are seeking advise in this thread. If you are in no way considering contact at this stage, a meeting would be fruitless and may well leave you in a distressed state.

If you don't want to oblige any sort of contact, then I would respond as above and if you receive any further letters re-offering mediation, I would simply write back saying you 'refer you to my previous letter of ..... January 2007).

emmaBZ

it depends on when the children were born and if you were married when they were born, in my situation my son is 9 and i was not married to his father , his father has no legal rights over our son, no parental responsibility,
i think if they were born after 2002 ? ( not sure if thats the right year ?) then the law changes

hobo28

I agree with Looby that you shouldn't ignore his letters. Sticking your head in the sand won't help.

After Dec 2003, he automatically gets PR if he's NAMED on the birth certificate. Since he is not named, he has no parental responsibility. But unless he's a raving loony getting parental responsibility via a court is merely a formality.

The more important thing are his intentions. Was does he want? Does he want a meaningful relationship with the kids or just a stick to control you with? Thats what you need to find out. How old are the children?

I disagree with welshcakes. Going to mediation is not nice but its better than court! It also may be a good start to find out how serious he is and what his possible intentions are. If he is genuinely interested in being a real father then it should be supported for the children's sake. Courts always prefer people to have tried mediation before resorting to the courts. Its cheaper and less stressful for all involved.

I think given it sounds like he's had zero contact, a good start might be an hour or two supervised contact at a contact centre.

But again, please don't ignore it.

emmaBZ

he cant just turn up and demand the children, ultimately they are your responsibility and if you don't want him to see them or contact them then that's up to you, nobody can make you as long as you are acting in the best interest of the children , as hes not had any contact with them then thats not gonna look good for him .....out of interest how old are they ?

Karen1980

My children where born in 2000 and 2002. The thought of seeing him scares me so much . and the thought of him near the kids makes me want to pack my stuff and run away to be honest. My current partner has bought my children up and my youngest daughter calls him daddy as she doesnt know any different. The reason hes doing this is .... Child maintennace has finaly caught up with him as hes living with someone who has children and is claming benefits with her. And he thinks as hes got to pay ... £5 a week that gives him the right to do this, BUT the really stupid thing is, He told the child maintennace that the youngesy child isnt his, even thought the letter from the solistor says he wants contact with BOTH his children. Just shows how stupid he really is.

welshcakes

Out of curiousity, how did the CSA 'catch up' with him? If it was an application you made then you would be found to have acknowledged parentage and should he ever pay a penny, he is seen as automatically gaining parental responsibility.

If it was something he voluntarily put down on a benefit application to do woth his new household, not sure why he did it as it certainly wouldn't have been in his best interests financially.

hobo28

Karen1980 wrote:

My children where born in 2000 and 2002. The thought of seeing him scares me so much . and the thought of him near the kids makes me want to pack my stuff and run away to be honest. My current partner has bought my children up and my youngest daughter calls him daddy as she doesnt know any different. The reason hes doing this is .... Child maintennace has finaly caught up with him as hes living with someone who has children and is claming benefits with her. And he thinks as hes got to pay ... £5 a week that gives him the right to do this, BUT the really stupid thing is, He told the child maintennace that the youngesy child isnt his, even thought the letter from the solistor says he wants contact with BOTH his children. Just shows how stupid he really is.

Ok, so you think the real reason is maintenance. Do you think he would lose interest if he didn't have to pay anything? I'm not so sure since he would have to pay £5 per week regardless of if he sees the kids or not. So there seems little to be gained here.

soozig

I was in this position - parental responsibility has to be proved if father is not named on birth cert. Since my ex had not even so much as looked at his child let alone done anything parental for her he was denied parental responsibility.

You are under no obligation to go for mediation. My advice is - seek legal advice asap on this one.

Karen1980

welshcakes wrote:

Out of curiousity, how did the CSA 'catch up' with him? If it was an application you made then you would be found to have acknowledged parentage and should he ever pay a penny, he is seen as automatically gaining parental responsibility.

If it was something he voluntarily put down on a benefit application to do woth his new household, not sure why he did it as it certainly wouldn't have been in his best interests financially.

The csa have been chasing him since 2002, When I was on benefits a lady came to my house from the csa and said I had to fill a form out with as much details as I knew. That was the last I heard of it. ( In 2002)