Is this legally/morally right?

Marisco

Kay_Peel wrote: »

A newish Keep-Fit craze/class

Ahhh, that explains why I've never heard of it, whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down 'till the feeling's gone away :D

Ravenlady_2

esmy wrote: »

From NSPCC website:


What the law says

The law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk

My eldest could find danger in a paper bag yet my youngest i could trust to watch TV for a hour whilst i popped out.

hitatotatus

I agree with most of the posters here. My 10 year old walks/scooters/cycles to and from school on his own daily (and he doesn't always have his phone :eek:) and I am slowly getting used to dealing with the awful imaginings of him being knocked over or abducted! I have just started leaving him for max 1 hour while I pop out locally.

My partners little girl said she was scared being in the house alone by herself.

The gradual separation is a natural and inevitable part of childhood which is, I think, more difficult for the parent than the child, although they will feel nervous, scared or excited with each taste of independence. As with adults, it is good to be in challenging situations which you then deal with and know that you can overcome. Where better to do this than in your own home and surroundings?

When mine were younger I would never have imagined letting them be alone, but you change as your child grows and as a parent you will know when the right time is to suit your child. This comes with being a more experienced parent.

I think the father should let the mother know of his concerns and that he is finding it difficult to imagine his daughter becoming more independent, but that he sees it is something that he will have to come to terms with.

cazziebo

clearingout wrote: »

sorry OP, but as a single, divorced parent, this gets my back up. Why? because it's a partner, not the actual father of the child, posting here asking for support from strangers to confirm just how awful the mother is. Really, really gets to me. Nothing personal meant by that, honestly, just a pet hate of mine! I can't stand how people were perfectly decent mothers/fathers until a new person gets involved with different ideas as to what might be acceptable in parenting and then the ex suddenly turns into the devil incarnate who shouldn't be within 100 metres of a child, let alone in charge of one!).

Does mum live alone? Assuming she does (there has been no mention of a new partner in her life), she has obviously built up a bit of a life for herself and is getting out and about and enjoying life. Good for her. Her child has been ill - she's made a decision between doing something she enjoys and leaving a child she probably thought was OK generally but not well enough to go to school. If she can speak with dad on the phone, she's obviously not at death's door, is she? It may, with hindsight, not have been the best idea (it's not something I would have done, I don't think) but no harm has come of it.

And then the ex and his girlfriend/partner/new wife (sorry - not sure what you are to her ex, exactly!) get on their high horses without considering the bigger picture (part of that bigger picture probably being she feels guilty as hell and embarressed she got 'found out' by the ex) and are sending her 'nasty' texts. I'd put the phone down on him too, quite frankly.

And please don't anyone start about going for 'full custody' 'cos she's obviously a bad mother.

*steps off single mother soap box and ducks*

just typed out a long reply and lost it so sorry if this appears twice!

Me too! Irritates the hell out of me how much mothers are criticised on these boards by new partners. I was a single mother for 19 out of 21 years and my daughters are reasonable, well adjusted adults. I have a healthy respectful relationship with my ex , and me and the girls adore his wife whose only fault is to spoil the girls too much. Lovely woman.

What you new partners have to remember is that your current partner more than likely chose to have children with us, discussed the parameters for their upbringing, and committed to have an ongoing role in their care. Yes, real life doesn't always work out that way,

However, the parent with care doesn't often have a choice about when to be a parent, and when it's not quite convenient. We have to make pretty tough decisions we might not always be 100% comfortable with, and we do have to make our own lives (although often criticised for that too!).

Can I tell you - it's f*&king tough! I had to pay a mortgage, bills, childcare and the maintenance didn't cover any one of these. I shouted at my kids, I was tired and grumpy, I often fell asleep reading the bedtime story. We had lots of fun times, but on paper, I don't think I'd even qualify to be a "good enough" parent. I still feel I did my best.

OP, you would be much better looking for ways to support the upbringing of your partner's child, than seeking to criticise her mother. That is not always being best pals, but being the adult in the situation, and looking beyond the words. You'll get far better results and respect by doing so. I can't describe what a great support my daughters' stepmother is, and she was particularly marvellous during the teenage traumas. I can tell you my daughters don't play us off, respect us all, and have contributed to the healthy relationship we have now.

Nicki

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

My partner has been rung up by his 10 year old daughter today to say that she has been off school poorly since Monday. During the conversation she told him that her mum left her at home alone yesterday afternoon whilst her mum went to a Zumba class. The little girl is only just 10 - is it legal to leave a 10 year old alone during the day? Thats not even touching on the moral side of this - the mum leaving her daughter home alone whilst she went out to a Zumba class! Anything could have happened to that little girl. My partner is furious and has text his ex to tell her how appalled he is that she would even consider doing something as irresponsible as that and putting their daughters safety and wellbeing at risk whilst she went out having fun. Surely it wouldn't have hurt for her to miss her Zumba class for one week?

I just checked back on this poster's history for some background on this story.

The partner in question had an affair with OP when married and left his wife when the child in question was 6 or 7. Since then, OP's has posted asking how her partner can minimise child support/maximize her partner's share of assets in the divorce.

So should the question be: is it morally right to leave a 10 year old for up to an hour for an exercise class or is it morally right to leave 2 children of primary school age forever with as little money as you can get away with, to shack up with some woman who has caught your eye.

In the wife's shoes i'd be giving the partner very short shrift if he tried to claim I was behaving immorally in this context!

clearingout

Nicki wrote: »

I just checked back on this poster's history for some background on this story.

The partner in question had an affair with OP when married and left his wife when the child in question was 6 or 7. Since then, OP's has posted asking how her partner can minimise child support/maximize her partner's share of assets in the divorce.

So should the question be: is it morally right to leave a 10 year old for up to an hour for an exercise class or is it morally right to leave 2 children of primary school age forever with as little money as you can get away with, to shack up with some woman who has caught your eye.

In the wife's shoes i'd be giving the partner very short shrift if he tried to claim I was behaving immorally in this context!

Aha! And there was me thinking I might have been a little out of order with my comments.

My final question would be to the OP - do you have children of your own and if so, have you ever had to parent them as a lone parent?

dirtysexymonkey

im looking forward to the thread "my husband did something questionable with his child and the mother is sticking her nose in" post. op - keep your nose out. its nothing to do with you. and your husband should grow up and not send angry texts because the mother of his child didnt do what he wanted. controlling is he? sounds it.

dirtysexymonkey

Nicki wrote: »

I just checked back on this poster's history for some background on this story.

The partner in question had an affair with OP when married and left his wife when the child in question was 6 or 7. Since then, OP's has posted asking how her partner can minimise child support/maximize her partner's share of assets in the divorce.

So should the question be: is it morally right to leave a 10 year old for up to an hour for an exercise class or is it morally right to leave 2 children of primary school age forever with as little money as you can get away with, to shack up with some woman who has caught your eye.

In the wife's shoes i'd be giving the partner very short shrift if he tried to claim I was behaving immorally in this context!

she sounds like a delight! hell cheat on her and shell have a long and miserable life. as will he.

January20

Nicki wrote: »

I just checked back on this poster's history for some background on this story.

The partner in question had an affair with OP when married and left his wife when the child in question was 6 or 7. Since then, OP's has posted asking how her partner can minimise child support/maximize her partner's share of assets in the divorce.

So should the question be: is it morally right to leave a 10 year old for up to an hour for an exercise class or is it morally right to leave 2 children of primary school age forever with as little money as you can get away with, to shack up with some woman who has caught your eye.

In the wife's shoes i'd be giving the partner very short shrift if he tried to claim I was behaving immorally in this context!

Oh wow! no wonder the mum won't answer the phone to her ex. No very mature of course but I can now understand why she is so resentful!

ash28

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

She last year of primary school but youngest in her class. She sometimes walks to school with her friend. Think the main issue here is that she was left alone whilst she was too poorly to go to school, and my partner felt that her mum should not have been going out zumbering with her friends in that situation. It would be like he going and sitting in the pub for an hour with his friends whilst his sick 10 year old was left home alone.

We are bringing up our grandson who is also 10 and the youngest in his year - his birthday is the end of August. So Year 6 too.

We also brought up 3 of our own children.

GS goes to and from school on his own every day - crosses quite a busy road - with no crossing or lollipop lady... he's done this since the start of the summer term (his choice) as he didn't want to go into Year 6 being walked to school - my heart was in my mouth for the first couple of weeks but he's been absolutely fine.

He's allowed to go to our local shop on his own - again has to cross the same road as he does to go to school.

He's allowed out to play on his own - as long as I know where he is.

Next year he will be allowed to get the bus into town on his own.

I will leave him in the house if I pop out - same as a lot of people on here - don't answer the door or phone.

To my mind there is ill, which for me is virtually bed bound where they wouldn't want to read or watch tv or anything else and there is a bit poorly when they aren't quite well enough for school but well enough to want to read or watch tv etc.

If GS was a bit poorly I would certainly leave him for a while - however if he was ill I wouldn't leave him.

There comes a point in their lives when they have to have a bit of trust and responsibility given to them and to be honest 10 isn't too young to be left for a short time. And if they are a bit unwell it would depend on the severity.