Is this legally/morally right?

zagfles

Depends very much on the child - we'd leave ours alone for short periods at that age - it's certainly safer than taking them out in the car!

But the main issue is whether the child is happy and confident being left alone. It's too easy to use far fetched scenarios "what if this happened, what if the house caught fire etc" but if you did that for everything you considered doing, you'd never do anything which involved a risk, like taking them for a day out in the car!

Jinx

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

My partners little girl said she was scared being in the house alone by herself.

Hmmm - she was at home in the afternoon while mum was out for a short time and she was scared....

As a divorced mother I think she is now exagerating, perhaps unintentionally for the attention cos she was/is ill.

Do you believe her mum would have left her alone had she said she would be scared? My mum wouldnt have, I wouldnt have, I cant think of a single mother I know who would leave their child scared at home alone.

January20

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

She is only just 10 and she has a mobile. But how would she have been able to contact her mum in an emergency if her mum was dancing and there was loud music? My partner has shared care and he has to juggle childcare with the rest of his life and work etc. He wouldn't dream of going out having fun leaving a sick poorly child at home. And no, the mum hadn't been cooped up with a poorly child, she had got sitters in when she needed to pop out. Unfortunately, if my partner had phoned he would have had the phone put down on him, hence the text! Yes, my partner would have gone round and looked after his daughter if she had been ill, but he only found out today that she had been off since Monday as his daughter phoned him so he didn't know anything about it!

Thank you for this! It clarifies a lot of things. I still don't think a text was the right thing to do, but that's because I would have written a letter under the circumstances but that's because I'm aware of the pitfalls of a text message and I'm not afraid to crack a nut with a sledgehammer at times

But as somebody else has said be careful not to blow this out of proportion. Also, being scared is rather a good thing. It will have kept her safe too!

Spendless

It's not illegal. I let my DS build up from 9 3/4 yo being left whilst I went to do a quick shop -loaf of bread/few item from corner shop to being left for a couple of hours. I was well aware that I wanted to return to working and there's no term-time childcare for Secondary school kids here so it made sense to build up how long he was left over a period of time. How far away is the Zhumba class? There's one on my street, so leaving child in front of tv for an hour or so, would be different to me going and doing one in the next city for example.
When you say she's just 10 does that mean she's in the last year of primary school or has the just missed and she's in yr 5? If she's only a year away from Secondary, then she will have to start becoming more independant as she's likely to be making her own way to and from school, catching buses etc.

Poppy9

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

My partners little girl said she was scared being in the house alone by herself.

Was she playing her father off against her mother?

Children adore attention and she might crave more attention from absent parent, be it the mother or father. If she knows that her parents have a strained relationship and that telling tales on either parent to the other gets her attention, then she'll play to it.

Not saying it's the case, but just offering another angle to her motives for telling her father. She might be telling tales about her father (or even you) to her mother.

Agree with another poster that your OH should have picked up the phone or spoken to his ex in person to discuss what they feel is appropriate in situations like this. Even in households where both parents are together there can be disagreements on issues like this but talking about it gives the chance for both parents to hear the other's viewpoint.

bewilderedhelpneeded

Spendless wrote: »

It's not illegal. I let my DS build up from 9 3/4 yo being left whilst I went to do a quick shop -loaf of bread/few item from corner shop to being left for a couple of hours. I was well aware that I wanted to return to working and there's no term-time childcare for Secondary school kids here so it made sense to build up how long he was left over a period of time. How far away is the Zhumba class? There's one on my street, so leaving child in front of tv for an hour or so, would be different to me going and doing one in the next city for example.
When you say she's just 10 does that mean she's in the last year of primary school or has the just missed and she's in yr 5? If she's only a year away from Secondary, then she will have to start becoming more independant as she's likely to be making her own way to and from school, catching buses etc.

She last year of primary school but youngest in her class. She sometimes walks to school with her friend. Think the main issue here is that she was left alone whilst she was too poorly to go to school, and my partner felt that her mum should not have been going out zumbering with her friends in that situation. It would be like he going and sitting in the pub for an hour with his friends whilst his sick 10 year old was left home alone.

whitewing

I am absolutely sure that if she had been that ill (rather than recovering) her mum would not have left her. I don't see it the same as going to the pub because I am guessing mum has already paid for her classes, plus I don't know about Zumba but if they are learning steps then not going could be a pain to catch up on if the class was nearby and she was only going to be away a short while, plus if her phone vibrated she would be able to answer.

January20

Jinx wrote: »

Hmmm - she was at home in the afternoon while mum was out for a short time and she was scared....

As a divorced mother I think she is now exagerating, perhaps unintentionally for the attention cos she was/is ill.

Do you believe her mum would have left her alone had she said she would be scared? My mum wouldnt have, I wouldnt have, I cant think of a single mother I know who would leave their child scared at home alone.

I agree with you. It's better not to underestimate the power of exaggeration in a 10 yo child!

My dd was about 10-11 when she started to be left alone at home. Just for short burst of time. Mistress of my castle, she loved it!

I think parents have to be careful not to keep children too immature by not allowing them to experience various things because of fear. I used to worry a lot at first when I left my dd alone, but it was the right thing to do for her. She has become a very mature young adult, who still loves to be mistress of my castle lol! (she loves it when I go away!)

oh, and it wasn't so I could have fun. It's because as a divorced mum, I had no choice when I went to work!!

Spendless

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

She is only just 10 and she has a mobile. But how would she have been able to contact her mum in an emergency if her mum was dancing and there was loud music? My partner has shared care and he has to juggle childcare with the rest of his life and work etc. He wouldn't dream of going out having fun leaving a sick poorly child at home. And no, the mum hadn't been cooped up with a poorly child, she had got sitters in when she needed to pop out. Unfortunately, if my partner had phoned he would have had the phone put down on him, hence the text! Yes, my partner would have gone round and looked after his daughter if she had been ill, but he only found out today that she had been off since Monday as his daughter phoned him so he didn't know anything about it!

Depending on what she wears, it's possible a mobile was able to be in a trakkie bottom pocket on vibrate. If mum had got sitters in when she needed to pop out, why didn't she get them for this? (As in are you being told the correct story?)

Jinx wrote: »

Hmmm - she was at home in the afternoon while mum was out for a short time and she was scared....

As a divorced mother I think she is now exagerating, perhaps unintentionally for the attention cos she was/is ill.

Do you believe her mum would have left her alone had she said she would be scared? My mum wouldnt have, I wouldnt have, I cant think of a single mother I know who would leave their child scared at home alone.

I'm not a divorced parent, I do however have a 'drama queen' daughter so I agree the above is possible (my daughter once announced in a crowded restaurant that 'last time she was left home alone she climbed out the bedroom window:eek: -very long pause and then - jumped so high she could see the sun and the bodies of frazzled birds who'd flown too close' She was about 6/7 at the time and had never been left. Wonder how many people just listened to first bit though)

Jinx

It sounds like it was a judgement call....the only real facts are that the child was/is ill and the mum left her alone for a while and the child is obviously fine despite the 'scared' comments.

I would tread very lightly on this one - it has the real potential to get out of hand entirely!