Is this legally/morally right?

Spendless

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

She last year of primary school but youngest in her class. She sometimes walks to school with her friend. Think the main issue here is that she was left alone whilst she was too poorly to go to school, and my partner felt that her mum should not have been going out zumbering with her friends in that situation. It would be like he going and sitting in the pub for an hour with his friends whilst his sick 10 year old was left home alone.

How was she ill? I mean as in throwing up? Mine have a high temperature at 8ish, look beyond pale and then are happily bouncing round the living room come 10am. Several times I've sent them back to school at lunch-time cos of it. This year I've sent them to school despite it (cos I'm sick of the 10am livliness!) with a 50% success rate, 1 recovered the other was sent home by school cos he really was ill.

peachyprice

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Think the main issue here is that she was left alone whilst she was too poorly to go to school, and my partner felt that her mum should not have been going out zumbering with her friends in that situation.

Between you and your OH you seem to have made this into a bit of a drama that it may not necessarily be.

There's a huge difference between a child who has a raging temperature, throwing up over the place and a child who's been ill but could do with an extra day or two to get her strength back.

My 10yo DD was off yesterday with a slight temperature and headache, she spent the day in bed reading and watching TV, OH was at home quite by chance, if he'd told me he'd popped out I'd have trusted his judgement and trusted my DD to tell him if she was unhappy to be left.

esmy

From NSPCC website:


What the law says

The law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk

Poppy9

Spendless wrote: »

(my daughter once announced in a crowded restaurant that 'last time she was left home alone she climbed out the bedroom window:eek: -

My OH did actually climb, well jump actually, out of his bedroom while his sister watched. He was about 3 and his sister just a year older. He hoped his parachute would open and he would glide down out and down into the garden below! Unfortunately there was no parachute packed in his mother's handbag. His sister helpfully went downstairs to the kitchen to tell their mother that he had jumped out of the window!:D:D

lovecrafting

esmy wrote: »

From NSPCC website:


What the law says

The law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk

however unless you are the parent and present you have no way of knowing if the child was at risk.

meritaten

I was given one piece of advice by my nan when I asked her opinion of something like this - her reply was 'If anything happened what would the coroner say about you'! In other words look carefully at the risks and decide if its worth it!
It really is a difficult thing to decide - one ten year old could be left safely as they are mature and would follow instructions - another would probably get into trouble - its down to the parents to decide! but, make a wrong decision and the law WILL punish you!

clearingout

sorry OP, but as a single, divorced parent, this gets my back up. Why? because it's a partner, not the actual father of the child, posting here asking for support from strangers to confirm just how awful the mother is. Really, really gets to me. Nothing personal meant by that, honestly, just a pet hate of mine! I can't stand how people were perfectly decent mothers/fathers until a new person gets involved with different ideas as to what might be acceptable in parenting and then the ex suddenly turns into the devil incarnate who shouldn't be within 100 metres of a child, let alone in charge of one!).

Does mum live alone? Assuming she does (there has been no mention of a new partner in her life), she has obviously built up a bit of a life for herself and is getting out and about and enjoying life. Good for her. Her child has been ill - she's made a decision between doing something she enjoys and leaving a child she probably thought was OK generally but not well enough to go to school. If she can speak with dad on the phone, she's obviously not at death's door, is she? It may, with hindsight, not have been the best idea (it's not something I would have done, I don't think) but no harm has come of it.

And then the ex and his girlfriend/partner/new wife (sorry - not sure what you are to her ex, exactly!) get on their high horses without considering the bigger picture (part of that bigger picture probably being she feels guilty as hell and embarressed she got 'found out' by the ex) and are sending her 'nasty' texts. I'd put the phone down on him too, quite frankly.

And please don't anyone start about going for 'full custody' 'cos she's obviously a bad mother.

*steps off single mother soap box and ducks*

esmy

lovecrafting
Quote:
Originally Posted by esmy
From NSPCC website:


What the law says

The law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk
however unless you are the parent and present you have no way of knowing if the child was at risk.

Then at what age do you allow your child to walk to school, go to the shop alone, play out unsupervised, do anything without your full supervision? Is it the same age for all children?

lovecrafting

my child, ok my eight year old is allowed to walk the remainder of the way to school after we have crossed all roads that need to be crossed (i am going to the school anyway with the younger two) by the time she has stopped, chatted with her friends and actually got into school we have caught up with her anyway and there are police outside the gates at our school aswel. I also know most of the staff because of being a parent govenor, and i know the pcso (all three of them) personally and they know her well, i beleive she is safe.

my second daughter aged 7, i wouldnt even consider it because she has no concept of staying safe and to be honest dosent even understand stranger danger or anything.

third daughter is only four so its a no brainer.


lets look at the majority of kids in my own experience. when the kids get to primary four (year four 8 years old) they are allowed by the school to walk home alone, there is no need for a parent to be present at all.

in primary three (7 years) they are allowed to walk home with parental consent.

any year group before this are to be collected by someone over 16 and will not be allowed to leave without one

in reception, they are not allowed to leave with anyone at all that is not on your safe list. they are to be collected from the classroom door and you must communicate with the class teacher so they know who is collecting who.

as i stated in a previous post i wouldnt leave my child at ten so i could go to zumba, however i am not this child in particular's mother and i make parental decisions on a daily basis that some would think make me a bad mother. i do beleive if op's partner has cause for concern then he should be speaking to the childs mother in person and airing them. i do not however beleive that i am in a position to say zomg she is a bad mum for it, i beleive she made a choice as a parent and its for the parents to deal with.

FBaby

clearingout wrote: »

sorry OP, but as a single, divorced parent, this gets my back up. Why? because it's a partner, not the actual father of the child, posting here asking for support from strangers to confirm just how awful the mother is. Really, really gets to me. Nothing personal meant by that, honestly, just a pet hate of mine! I can't stand how people were perfectly decent mothers/fathers until a new person gets involved with different ideas as to what might be acceptable in parenting and then the ex suddenly turns into the devil incarnate who shouldn't be within 100 metres of a child, let alone in charge of one!).

Does mum live alone? Assuming she does (there has been no mention of a new partner in her life), she has obviously built up a bit of a life for herself and is getting out and about and enjoying life. Good for her. Her child has been ill - she's made a decision between doing something she enjoys and leaving a child she probably thought was OK generally but not well enough to go to school. If she can speak with dad on the phone, she's obviously not at death's door, is she? It may, with hindsight, not have been the best idea (it's not something I would have done, I don't think) but no harm has come of it.

And then the ex and his girlfriend/partner/new wife (sorry - not sure what you are to her ex, exactly!) get on their high horses without considering the bigger picture (part of that bigger picture probably being she feels guilty as hell and embarressed she got 'found out' by the ex) and are sending her 'nasty' texts. I'd put the phone down on him too, quite frankly.

And please don't anyone start about going for 'full custody' 'cos she's obviously a bad mother.

*steps off single mother soap box and ducks*

I totally agree with this post. Unless the mother is completely irresponsible, she would have made a judgment call on this one. You might not like it, dad either, but that's what being separated is about, parents are just not going to agree on everything, but you have to trust the person does what they think is right. Personally, I don't find it shocking at all that a 10 yo having been off school should be left on their own for an hour. I've done it with my DD. I know my ex didn't like so much when I first did it, but he accepted it. Later on, he allowed her to go out on her own when I wasn't totally comfortable with it, but again, I accepted it.

Then comes all the factors: what was the illness? a stomach bug that was much better but still off because of the 48 hours rule? A fever, however, the child was feeling absolutely fine after a good dose of calpol? Did the mother had access to her mobile at all time? How far away is the gym? Did she ask the daughter if she' be ok alone for an hour, or did she tell her that she was off and that was that?

The thing is you most likely don't know some of those things, yet you have made up your mind that the mother was acting irresponsible. The text is certainly not going to change her into a responsible mum. The mature thing to have done would have been for your partner to tell her ideally face to face when they see eachother that he was aware DD had been left alone and he just wanted to discuss it so he could be reassured she was safe.