Is this legally/morally right?

balletshoes

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

My partner has been rung up by his 10 year old daughter today to say that she has been off school poorly since Monday. During the conversation she told him that her mum left her at home alone yesterday afternoon whilst her mum went to a Zumba class. The little girl is only just 10 - is it legal to leave a 10 year old alone during the day? Thats not even touching on the moral side of this - the mum leaving her daughter home alone whilst she went out to a Zumba class! Anything could have happened to that little girl. My partner is furious and has text his ex to tell her how appalled he is that she would even consider doing something as irresponsible as that and putting their daughters safety and wellbeing at risk whilst she went out having fun. Surely it wouldn't have hurt for her to miss her Zumba class for one week?

in England and Wales there is no age where its illegal to leave your child home alone.
FWIW I leave my 10-year old alone for an hour or so occasionally, with her agreement (and not late in the evening). She's responsible, and she knows not to answer the door or the landline in my absence.

I wouldn't leave my daughter home alone if she was too poorly to be at school. However, if she's too poorly to go to school, my DD is in her room, in her bed, until she feels better and well enough to go to school. So if she is still off sick after 3 school days, I know she really is ill (it hasn't happened yet). I'd be too worried in that situation to leave her alone.

January20

Anything could happen to anybody left at home alone - at any age. The important thing to remember is that nothing happened.

How can a child learn to be independent as they grow up? By being left alone at first for a little bit and then more and more. A zumba class would have been 1 hour at most, wouldn't it? So the mother was perhaps out for 2 hours? The child is 10 but is she closer to 9 or 11, is she a mature child or a very immature one? Too many details missing!

Before kicking off, did your partner check whether the little girl had ways of contacting her mother? whether she had been given specific guidance by her mother ie to not open the door etc? whether she enjoyed being on her own or whether she was distraught?

Would your partner have been able to look after the little girl so the mum could get out? Or pay for a sitter? Or does he just like to tell the mum what to do? It's always easy for the NRP to judge when they don't have to juggle child care with the rest of life! The mum might have been cooped up at home with a sick child since the weekend?

And finally, don't people talk anymore? don't they phone anymore? Is everything done by text? I can tell you what my reaction would be to a text from my ex telling me he doesn't approve of my decisions, and it wouldn't positive!

adamantine

LoopyLil wrote: »

I wouldn't ever leave a child who is ill and off school alone just so I could go to a zumba class. Is zumba really that important when you have a poorly kiddie? I guess some people have different priorities!

totally agree.

your child is ill you stay at home.

text isnt the best way to discuss a childs care however. he should have rang her or spoken to her next time he picked up DD.

moomoomama27

There is no legal age.

Some people feel comfortable leaving a 10 yr old home alone for short periods of time (I don't). That's their call, but should something happen while they are alone then the person with responsibilty could be in trouble.

I the child is home ill from school, then I think the parent should be at home too, making sure that the child is ok. Obviously not being well enough for school should be common sense enough for anyone to stay with them, or arrange 'cpver', but some people are too selfish I would be furious too.

Blue_Elephant

I think folk REALLY underestimate 10 year olds. No one ever been a latch key kid and spending the couple of hours between school ending and parents getting home alone? A Zumba class is only likely to have been for a couple of hours.

I agree with what someone said above - tell child not to answer door/phone - unlikely to anyway if ill. Kids these days all have mobile phones with caller display anyway for important calls, ie parents, and a fast way of getting help.

Are you saying that you wouldn't allow a 10 year old outside to play unsupervised for a couple of hours? Really?

January20 - cross posted, and precisely!

And does being ill really make people that much more of a danger to themselves?

bewilderedhelpneeded

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Surely sending an agressive text is going to make things a whole lot worse for his daughter? Mum is likely to have a go at her for telling tales. His DD is therefore less likely in future to tell him stuff about her life, especially if she is unsure what is ok and what isn't so will keep stum about all sorts I should think.
Why do people persist in dealing with tricky relationship issues by text? I cannot see any other outcome than this getting the mother's back up and a breakdown in relations which will have a negative impact on the DD.
Do you know for sure that the DD didn't say, you go mum I'll be fine for an hour and I have your mobile number? If you did know for sure, then there must be a better way of dealing with this than texting.

My partners little girl said she was scared being in the house alone by herself.

Jinx

If the mother is normally responsible then I would say that she was clearly reassured that her child was okay. Perhaps the child was recovered but staying at home just so the school wouldnt send her straight home again for a sniffle (we all know how quick they are to send our munchkins home).

My daughter would have been p6 or 7 at age 10 and she could be trusted at home for an hour. Although leaving her while ill wouldnt have occured. I think it all hinges on how 'poorly' the child is/was.

ETA - if my ex hubby sent me a text that was was anything short of completely polite he would get short thrift from me.

whitewing

One thing I would say is that it is rare in our family to 'plan' these kind of milestones. We first left our DS home alone while we went blood doning - having given him the choice of coming with us. We had all been out and rather than divert to drop him at a relatives we let him stay home by himself.

whitewing

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

My partners little girl said she was scared being in the house alone by herself.

She may have been the first time, a little bit scared and a little bit excited perhaps. I guess it depends how she was asked and how it is handled. Be careful not to blow it out of proportion.

bewilderedhelpneeded

January20 wrote: »

Anything could happen to anybody left at home alone - at any age. The important thing to remember is that nothing happened.

How can a child learn to be independent as they grow up? By being left alone at first for a little bit and then more and more. A zumba class would have been 1 hour at most, wouldn't it? So the mother was perhaps out for 2 hours? The child is 10 but is she closer to 9 or 11, is she a mature child or a very immature one? Too many details missing!

Before kicking off, did your partner check whether the little girl had ways of contacting her mother? whether she had been given specific guidance by her mother ie to not open the door etc? whether she enjoyed being on her own or whether she was distraught?

Would your partner have been able to look after the little girl so the mum could get out? Or pay for a sitter? Or does he just like to tell the mum what to do? It's always easy for the NRP to judge when they don't have to juggle child care with the rest of life! The mum might have been cooped up at home with a sick child since the weekend?

And finally, don't people talk anymore? don't they phone anymore? Is everything done by text? I can tell you what my reaction would be to a text from my ex telling me he doesn't approve of my decisions, and it wouldn't positive!

She is only just 10 and she has a mobile. But how would she have been able to contact her mum in an emergency if her mum was dancing and there was loud music? My partner has shared care and he has to juggle childcare with the rest of his life and work etc. He wouldn't dream of going out having fun leaving a sick poorly child at home. And no, the mum hadn't been cooped up with a poorly child, she had got sitters in when she needed to pop out. Unfortunately, if my partner had phoned he would have had the phone put down on him, hence the text! Yes, my partner would have gone round and looked after his daughter if she had been ill, but he only found out today that she had been off since Monday as his daughter phoned him so he didn't know anything about it!