Changing a childs name -Help needed.

Broken_hearted

thetope wrote: »

from what fairydust says though, the kids have been using her surname for quite some time and they are known by it, so it would probably be more traumatic to have to use their absent father's surname?

Yes but thats the mothers fault for messing around with the names in the first place. Childrens names should be left alone then there wouldn't be all this upset.

iceicebaby

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Yes but thats the mothers fault for messing around with the names in the first place. Childrens names should be left alone then there wouldn't be all this upset.

Absolutely!

They were given a name at birth and that should be that. When i was old enough I changed mine back to my fathers not to get back at my mother but because I believed what she had done was wrong. Both my brothers did likewise

taggiesgirl

My son has a passport in the surname that is on his birth certificate. But he is known as his dads name and my married surname (i have double-barroled it).
This way I feel that he has the knowledge that he is part of his dads family and also part of my family (I am married now with 2 more kids) so his last surname is that of his brother/sister/stepdad and me.
That way I have not changed his name legally but have merley given him the option of returning to his dads name alone or changing it offically by depoll to what it is know.
At school he is his 'known as name'.

How OTT is the statement 'it makes them feel as if part of them is bad and needs to be gotten rid of'.

What makes them feel CRAP is the fact that fathers walk out and then have nothing at all to do with them!.
I think to the OP go ahead and do what you feel is right your children WILL understand your reasons in time.

MrsTinks

My parents split when I was young and I kept my dads name - most bizarrely my mum kept my dads name too even after she remarried Partially as a mark of respect to him as when they were young and got married she was in a bad way and he saw her through a lot of bad times. They are still friends just stopped loving each other so divorced. But mum kept his name even though she's now been remarried for 20 years... I would leave their names alone if they were mine unless he was violent and abusive and you want to hide your kids from him...
When I get married next year my OH is taking my family name because his father was never there and walked away from the family when he was young. So it's his choice to change his name at 32. But he could have chosen to change it at any point before, he just doesn't want our kids to carry on the family name he has no respect for...

black-saturn

I changed both my children's surnames to mine by deed poll and I didn't need the 'fathers' permission. It cost me £50 for the two. Then I had to write to the school, doctor, dentist etc etc to inform them of the name changes. A family law solicitor can do it in about a week. Their passports are both in my surname too.

Broken_hearted

taggiesgirl wrote: »

M

How OTT is the statement 'it makes them feel as if part of them is bad and needs to be gotten rid of'.

Not at all OTT. Infact it's a very common problem.

comping_cat

I wouldve liked to have changed my 2 to my name, when i changed mine back, but i knew their dad would create, and im a big believer in giving them the choice when they are ready. DD (nearly 9) has started to say she would like my surname, so ive said when she goes to the comp, if she still wants my name, then we will do it - i said to their dad when i changed mine that i wouldnt change theirs unless they wanted to, so hopefully he wont give us any grief if/when we do.

dlb

3 of my 4 children have had their name changed to my married name.
They all know what their name is on their birth cert, but as one of my sons but it...He would rather have a name he can be proud of, and his `real` dad never wanted him so he is very proud of the fact he now has his stepdads name.
My kids are 9.10 + 11 and havent seen there biological dad for over 8 years.
I dont agree it makes a child feel bad, but that is just my personal experience of the matter

angel_eyes_3

My parents divorced when I was a baby and my mum remarried. She had an 'affidavit' (I have no idea how to spell) double-barreling my surname, so it became 'original-remarried'. My siblings all had my stepfathers name (being his natural children). In order for the whole family to have the same name she just used the second part (so we all had my stepfathers name). I was a baby at the time of divorce, no contact with my natural father (his choice) and my step-father brought me up as his own. I have never had a problem with this name change, although I have always had the option of using whatever surname I wanted to. She had no money at the time, and I think the affidavit was the cheap option- just needed a solicitor. Also didn't need permission from my natural father as not getting rid of his name completely.

When I applied for my passport and driving license as a teenager, I was just using my stepfather's surname so that is what is on both documents. I sent off my birth certificate with the affidavit and had no problems or queries getting them. I am 32, so this about 15 years ago. I don't know if the rules have changed.

HTH and all the best x

Vashti

When I remarried, my 10 year old son was adamant that he wanted to be known by my married surname. I told his school the next day, and from then on he was known by this name.

I understand completely the original posters dilemma. My husband and I would go on holiday, as a family, with a different name on our sons passport. It just didn't feel right.

I asked the passport office, and they gave me (read out over the phone) the words required in a standard letter to write - I had to enclose his existing passport, and two references (from his head teacher and doctor - could be anyone, teacher, dentist, minister) who confirmed that the child in the photo once known as 'xxx', was now known to them as 'xxx'.

It cost me the normal price, whatever it is, for a replacement passport.

It's quite normal procedure, no courts, deed poll or legal fees. He is still 'legally' known by his birth name, but his bank account, his passport, his exam results etc are all issued in his chosen surname. When he is 18 he will change his name himself. He does not need his fathers permission.

Try phoning the Passport Office and ask for the standard letter for parental change of childs name.