Just received this - please help

January20

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Im still unable to sleep, so I thought I would pop on here only to find I have to explain myself. Yes I have some savings if you must know it's about £500 but this was mine and my children's emergency fund, I'm really sorry that I didn't use it to pay off my debts.

I seem to be causing some unrest here which is such a shame as there are lots of helpful people here with a lot to give which I fully appreciate.

I am aware this sounds like a fairy tale try living it, it's not.

At no point did I say I had loads of money stashed away, I've been saving the odd £5/£10 here and there.

Please do not let people's comments affect you. My experience of this forum is that often people read a post very fast, don't understand the information properly, miss vital bits, don't read all the posts in the thread and then it's like Chinese Whispers: somebody will have said that you had "loads stashed away" and subsequent posters will have been too busy or too lazy to check and have just jumped on the band wagon. It's exactly the same way as rumours start in physical life! (I don't want to use my usual "real life" because I believe this thread is your real life)


I think every body should remember that often "reality is stranger than fiction" and that because they are lucky enough to live a "normal", peaceful life, with no "unbelievable dramas", it is not the same for every body else. And because it hasn't happened to you and yours, it doesn't mean it's impossible to happen to anybody else!

mummyplus3

Blimey DH,
I feel for you something similar happened to me when I fell Pregnant with my first, luckily we were only renting at the time but I ended up getting totally f**ked over by him in every way because I was young, stupid and didnt know my rights. So make sure you are smart about this!

Wishing you well x

euronorris

January20 wrote: »

I think every body should remember that often "reality is stranger than fiction" and that because they are lucky enough to live a "normal", peaceful life, with no "unbelievable dramas", it is not the same for every body else. And because it hasn't happened to you and yours, it doesn't mean it's impossible to happen to anybody else!

Very true.

Crikey, if I provided all of the details of what's happened in our lives over the last 12-18 months, it would read like a soap opera and I am willing to bet money that some people on here would think I was making some of it, if not all of it, up.

I wish I was! Life was much simpler 18 months ago, even with the larger debt I had then!

January20

mummyplus3 wrote: »

Blimey DH,
I feel for you something similar happened to me when I fell Pregnant with my first, luckily we were only renting at the time but I ended up getting totally f**ked over by him in every way because I was young, stupid and didnt know my rights. So make sure you are smart about this!

Wishing you well x

I think this bit is very much worth being highlighted. I sometimes feel the same about my situation and what happened 11 years ago and how I could have handled things better to my benefit. Often, we feel our back is to the wall, we don't know our rights, we can't believe that the person we love(d) and was supposed to love us has turned completely against us and we have become the enemy (this is the most striking thing for me, how much he could want to hurt me) but also it is important to remember the turmoil we experience inside because of all the raw emotions and that makes us weak, unable to reason properly. This is why being able to hire and trust a very good solicitor is important. They are not emotionally involved.

ETA: It's also important to remember that one day you are free of them!

*Louise*

Gleeful wrote: »

She said she had a few quid in savings, now she claims to have loads stashed away. Can't even get her story straight.

I didn't see where she said she had 'loads'? Most people will generalise and say a few quid because it's really none of our business exactly how much anyone else has stashed away.

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

I feel like asking to met one of you so I can show you emails etc to prove this is going on.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. If some people believe you are a troll then all they have to do is stop posting in this thread. Their issue, not yours.:)

zzzLazyDaisy

I would echo the above posters. I have seen things happen in my life, to me and to close friends and relatives, which if you read in a novel, you would say are too far fetched. Yet these things do happen - and often behind the closed doors of the suburban house owned by the nice middle class couple with kids.

Personally I don't believe DH is a troll. But even if she is, it doesn't matter to me, because someone out there may be reading this thread and thinking 'that advice applies to me'.

gratefulforhelp_2

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

He's not going to pay child support, he's paying the mortgage.

This was what my ex said...he didn't, of course.

You need to put a CSA claim in asap, you only get CS from the date you apply, it will take a while to come through. Apply now and avoid potential cashflow issues later.

If you don't have an income, unless the mortgage is small and your husband's wages large, then the mortgage company are unlikely to let you have a mortgage to keep the house on (sorry).

It is HIS problem if he doesn't pay the mortgage, it's HIS debt.

The other reason for putting in a CSA claim is that some lenders count CS as income.

Melonade

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I would echo the above posters. I have seen things happen in my life, to me and to close friends and relatives, which if you read in a novel, you would say are too far fetched. Yet these things do happen - and often behind the closed doors of the suburban house owned by the nice middle class couple with kids.

Personally I don't believe DH is a troll. But even if she is, it doesn't matter to me, because someone out there may be reading this thread and thinking 'that advice applies to me'.

Agree 100% with this. If this helps someone going through similar then it's done it's job. I don't think this is any kind of story or tall tale, I believe OP and honestly wish her the best. I'm glad people can give her very useful advice. It's good to read what people can offer to the situation, she needs all the help she can get and people are being very kind.

I could write some of my own real life madness down and read them back to myself and think "Really, honestly that just can't be true" Stuff happens and thats just how it is. Why people sit back and think this type of stuff doesn't happen or random craziness just doesn't exist in real life must assume this because nothing even close has happened to them. Just my opinion

Flee_2

Good luck Doorstep Horror. You really need to see a solicitor and make sure that he does not get his hands on the equity on the property you live in. He will not want to have two mortgages and be paying money out for 25 years for 2 properties. I would be very careful and not agree to anything with him. Do everything through a solicitor, no discussion between yourself and him regarding money.

clearingout

blue_monkey wrote: »

To the doubters - something happened to my best friend a few months ago, something worthy of an EastEnders type plot, I was told that it could not be happening either and I should walk away and not get involved. Lucky I was involved as it was the one thing that helped once the police became involved. We could all see it happening but she could not and it spiralled more than you can ever image. Today all of the events seem pretty surreal, that as an adult she could have got herself into that situation and let others do what they did to her. You'd all sit here today calling me a liar - the only 'evidence' that this happened is the police reports and the fact that it looks like she is going to be sectioned (we think today) because of just what these people did and the damage they have done to her mind. And this was a well adjusted adult, never been in trouble with the police, a mother of children. These kinds of things do happen to people, if you are not interested in helping but calling people liars then why not just move on and find something else that interests you. Why do you have to doubt people's pain as if it is a joke? Are they not going through enough? Well, shame on you!!

My life turned into a real live soap opera/'Jezza' special almost 3 years ago. If I wrote the whole story out from beginning to end there are few who would believe it. I struggle to believe it myself some days! Sadly, soaps do mimic reality - albeit in a very incestuous, small minded community kind of way - which is why they are so popular. Most people live some kind of disaster/emergency/emotional upheavel/serious illness at some point in their lives and some of us cope with it better than others making it seem like nothing at all to a full blown Hollywood film plus sequel depending on who is living it, the quality of support they have around them and the involvement of other people for the good/not so good.

My ex husband is, frankly, a pantomine villian complete with moustache and black cloak. But you'd have had to live what I've lived through to understand that!

OP - keep on ploughing through. Things will come good in the end. xxxx