Just received this - please help

blue_monkey_2

Raksha wrote: »

This has obviously moved on since the OP first posted, but I just wanted to say not all contact like this means the man is a love rat.

I was at home, on Christmas eve with my two little boys, when the phone rang. A very irate man was accusing my OH of having an affair with his wife.

I laughed, because he doesn't have the time - if he's not with me, he's at work!

Later that morning, I got a very apologetic phone call from the chap - it seems his mates at work were having a joke, as my OH is no Adonis.

However, if I hadn't had the faith in my OH that I had, where would this have left my little family over Christmas?

Rashka, you need to read the thread. The OP has since been supplied with hotel bills and photos of him and the woman together, in bed as well as out at a club. I think the OP can be pretty sure that this is not a joke by now.

blue_monkey_2

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

wrong. that may have been the case a few decades ago but now its not that simple.

he doesnt have to pay for it at all. so unless there is enough equity in the house then the op may have to sell if she cant pay the mortgage alone. all she can expect post divorce is 20% of his income in child maintenance. no court will expect him to pay for a house if it means he cant afford to house himself and his children when they are with him.

You are wrong - this still happens. I have friends going through it now and she is in the same situation as the OP, kids slightly dfferent ages (and without the affair bit) and she has the house and he is paying for it, he rents elsewhere and his is only on an average salary. There is equity in the house too. Not sure if she get's it all at the end but for now, she stays and he pays for it. It'll come down to the size of the mortgage at the end of the day.

Mupette

Time to get a solicitor, sooner you get this man out of your life the better (well apart from him seeing the kids that is)

He sounds like a right charmer

You have a bank account, start skimming his for your emergency fund.
and csa to be involved from the start, rumage around and take copies of wage slips of his as proof of his income, before he claims poverty with them, make sure you have money coming in for the children, and maintaince (sp)for you,

If he wants to be with his fancy piece make sure he pays you off plenty, hit him where it hurts with his wallet..

time to harden up OP, he has let you down once too often...


sorry to also say get down to the clinic to make sure he hasn't left anything nasty...

Doorstep_horror

Hi I've got an appointment with a solicitor on Monday afternoon.

I'm hoping to kick him out this afternoon, but we'll see if I'm brave enough.

I'm on the land registry for this property, and I know that whatever has been agreed between us before will now all be forgotten - him paying bills and stuff until I can get myself sorted.

But hopefully this one will be the love of his life and he can stop causing pain to others.

Unfortuately I can't get access to his bank accounts, he has never given me any details, and his mobile and computer are both company so I also have no access to them.

*Louise*

Good luck for this afternoon - stay strong xx

nzmegs

I don't think you have any choice but to insist he leaves. You will not be able to function with him still around and you need all your faculties with what you have ahead of you. He is the one in the wrong here and you need to make it clear that you will take no blame for any of this. Do not enter into any sort of conversation with him. Just present the evidence and ask him to leave immediately.

Can you get someone to come over and be with you when you confront him?

NAR

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Hi I've got an appointment with a solicitor on Monday afternoon.
I'm hoping to kick him out this afternoon, but we'll see if I'm brave enough.

Well done for being so strong; pity you had to find out from someone else what a rat you are married to. This next period is going to be very difficult for you, emotionally and financially, but you know deep down it will all be worth it in the long run.

Melonade

Hi OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I can't give any practical advice but thought I'd let you know I've been thinking of you. Hope all goes well this afternoon, your very brave :A

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Hi I've got an appointment with a solicitor on Monday afternoon.

I'm hoping to kick him out this afternoon, but we'll see if I'm brave enough.

I'm on the land registry for this property, and I know that whatever has been agreed between us before will now all be forgotten - him paying bills and stuff until I can get myself sorted.

But hopefully this one will be the love of his life and he can stop causing pain to others.

Unfortuately I can't get access to his bank accounts, he has never given me any details, and his mobile and computer are both company so I also have no access to them.

Maybe I just don't have it in me to have your attitude but honestly I hope she sh*ts all over him, finds someone else and leaves him totally miserable. It's what he deserves and nothing more. Anyway stop giving any thought to him hurting others and put yourself as No1 right now. It's all about you and your little ones now

Good Luck :A

sassyblue

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Morning all, once again thank you for your kind words. And no I did not sleep very well got about 3 hours.

He is going to mortgage sp? Advisor today to raise a second mortgage, maybe remortgaged this property, so that we can stay here, he can find somewhere new and pay for both properties.

This was decided before any of this information was found out.

Sorry doorstep horror but that will not happen IF the other woman sets up home with him. I don't think you being in a propery he owns and pays for is going to work, he'll might always be using that as a 'weapon' controlling you.

You have two children together and regardless of whether your name is on the mortgage he HAS to provide for the children and a roof over your head, l'm sure you'll get half of everything.

I just hope you're strong enough to make sure any property YOU live in has YOUR name on it too, otherwise you'll walk out of this marriage with nothing.

Be strong and use us here to help and advise, you're worth more than this piece of dirt, make him pay for his lies and behaviour.

Triker

Just wanted to say that I'm really, really sorry that you're having to deal with this awful situation DH...but it already sounds like a part of you is willing to fight and not be defeated despite the unpleasantness.


As awful as it sounds I would save those particularly embarrassing photos of your ex in some file as **ahem** leverage in the future. Maybe send them to your solicitor?

Good luck.