The Ultimate Hard and Fast debt clearing mission

Tete_en_l'Air

Dinah93 wrote: »

Another thing I'm having a hard time with I may just have to learn to accept - that I may have to claim help from the state due to Grace's health. I'm very proud of standing on our own two feet and not living off benefits, but Grace's health comes first and I'll do whatever it takes to keep her well even if it means I'm ashamed of where the money comes from.

You shouldn't think like that - if Grace's health weren't the way it is, then you WOULD be going back to work after a normal amount of maternity leave, so it's not as though you're sponging. And as NIM says, you've both paid your taxes all your life, I don't think anyone would begrudge you!

You seem to have so many options work-wise that I don't know where to start but you'll just have to do what feels right I think. If you could get a sabbatical then that's a start and if something else comes along in the meantime, great! But as for not being able to re-enter your profession ... correct me if I'm wrong but you don't seem to enjoy it anyway so maybe it's an opportunity in disguise?

Re. the Races and the 101 things - yes I think that's OK - Ascot is more impressive than York and if you've already been to York anyway..!

Also I forgot to say yesterday but I think your dress for the wedding is lovely - I'd say it was 'blush' rather tha any shade of white so go for it!

I didn't start the 30DS yesterday - still have limited mobility in my scabby knees! Was going to start Monday coming but it occurred to me this morning that there are 30 days in September so I might do Shred September as well as Sober September!

EDIT - cross-posted Cinny - hope you're OK! Is it all this drama with your brother's girlfriend?

Dinah93

Sorry to hear you're not coping so well at the moment Cinny, hopefully the anti-anxiety tablets will help you. I fit makes you feel any better I misread the post and thought 'wow, her and NIM could never meet if she has such a strong phobia of potatoes'!

You're right Tete, I don't feel challenged by my job, I like the people there, but other than that I have never really felt driven by it. Like you and the office move this could be the incentive I need to find a life that I enjoy more - after all we only get so many days on this planet and there is no point looking back at 70 and thinking 'why did I waste so many of them being bored and unhappy?'.

N.I.M

Cinny91 wrote: »

I have to second the love for your Mum, Birdie. She sounds like a total poppet I love it when Mum's are protective of their kids like that when they're adults. My Mum's just gone into that mode over me and my Sister and I have to say it's the sweetest yet most terrifying things I've ever witnessed.

Would reply to more but I don't want to come across as rude or grumpy as I'm really not myself today Back on my anxiety medication and my trichotillomania has flared back up. I feel like a right potato for letting this all get to me again

Brother stuff trigger that with your Mum? Its only natural to be upset, angry etc after what happened so don't go beating yourself up over it.

And whats wrong with being a potato aka the most awesome thing in the universe ever.

Birdie85

I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about when it comes to claiming any and all benefits you can for Gracie. If you're entitled to it then take it by all means, the system is there to help people who need it (and it's nice to know that there are people who genuinely receive assistance from the state rather than the loser next door to me who just spends all of his benefits on booze! :mad:)

With regards to trying to get more family friendly hours for NIM; I'm sure the company in all good conscience will have to do what they can to help you out considering Grace's rough start and the fact that she can't go to nursery. If the option is keeping NIM on slightly reduced hours/same hours spread out over fewer days for a couple of years or losing a loyal employee who's been trained and eager to move up the ranks then I know what I'd choose if I was in charge! Our company is pretty family friendly as long as it doesn't directly affect a team's performance and we've got quite a lot of part-timers and 37.5-hours-over-4-days-ers because they know that if they treat them well whilst they've got a young family they'll stay loyal to the company, and it works. The idea of taking a year's sabbatical is a good one too, and again, something I don't think you'll struggle to have approved.

I really can't believe what you're saying about not being comfortable having a say in the budget if you weren't bringing any money in. That's crazy talk and totally out of date! There's no way NIM would ever throw that in your face and staying home looking after Grace (and the house and accounts as well as your business and other money making schemes) is a very important and time consuming job, just because it won't net you £30k p.a. does not mean that you're not contributing!

Glad you had a nice day in York, sounds like you both got spoilt, which is what Mums (and Grandmas!) are for! Is your Mum a Grandma? My Mum wants to me called Meemaw (can you tell she's a Big Bang Theory fan?!). Have I mentioned that my SIL is pregnant again? :j Only early days still and I'm not actually supposed to know (but OH and I guessed and Mum confirmed it!), they're keeping it quiet until after the all-clear at the 12 week scan after what happened last time but I'm secretly giddy!

So sorry that you're not doing too well Cinny Hope the meds kick in and you're back to you're old self soon! Want to come and give you a big hug (and your brother's GF a slap with a wet fish! ). Love the photo you just put on FB of Ryder looking mental!

Really peeved off this morning money-wise; last week I booked a night in the Hard Rock Hotel for when we're away and I'd spent ages looking for money off codes and found nothing, just 12% cashback for Expedia on Quidco which was expiring on Saturday so paid full price but hopefully will get a little back eventually. This morning I got an e-mail with a code for 10% off at Expedia and the blinking cash back deal has been extended for a week so I didn't have to rush! :mad: Going to try to cancel and rebook, it might only work out as a £17 saving but that's drinks in the fancy hotel bar!

N.I.M

Birdie85 wrote: »

So sorry that you're not doing too well Cinny Hope the meds kick in and you're back to you're old self soon! Want to come and give you a big hug (and your brother's GF a slap with a wet fish! ). Love the photo you just put on FB of Ryder looking mental!

Yey Monty Python inspired random acts of comedy violence!! :j:j:j

Dinah93

Birdie85 wrote: »

With regards to trying to get more family friendly hours for NIM; I'm sure the company in all good conscience will have to do what they can to help you out considering Grace's rough start and the fact that she can't go to nursery. If the option is keeping NIM on slightly reduced hours/same hours spread out over fewer days for a couple of years or losing a loyal employee who's been trained and eager to move up the ranks then I know what I'd choose if I was in charge! Our company is pretty family friendly as long as it doesn't directly affect a team's performance and we've got quite a lot of part-timers and 37.5-hours-over-4-days-ers because they know that if they treat them well whilst they've got a young family they'll stay loyal to the company, and it works. The idea of taking a year's sabbatical is a good one too, and again, something I don't think you'll struggle to have approved.

I really can't believe what you're saying about not being comfortable having a say in the budget if you weren't bringing any money in. That's crazy talk and totally out of date! There's no way NIM would ever throw that in your face and staying home looking after Grace (and the house and accounts as well as your business and other money making schemes) is a very important and time consuming job, just because it won't net you £30k p.a. does not mean that you're not contributing!

Glad you had a nice day in York, sounds like you both got spoilt, which is what Mums (and Grandmas!) are for! Is your Mum a Grandma? My Mum wants to me called Meemaw (can you tell she's a Big Bang Theory fan?!). Have I mentioned that my SIL is pregnant again? :j Only early days still and I'm not actually supposed to know (but OH and I guessed and Mum confirmed it!), they're keeping it quiet until after the all-clear at the 12 week scan after what happened last time but I'm secretly giddy!

Yeah, NIMs company have the attitude that employees are completely disposable and replaceable.

Lol NIM and I have always said all money is completely joint, doesn't matter who earns it, we're a team etc etc.... and he hasn't said anything at all about me not pulling my weight if I'm caring for Gracie, this is all me, some latent feminism is beating its way out of me maybe.

My mums a Grandma but not happy with the title, she wants Grace to come up with a name for her.

I read about your brother and SIL - I'm really pleased for them after what they went through, but unfortunately I doubt they'll be able to relax and enjoy the pregnancy, as they'll be all too aware that things can go wrong. Praying for a happy and healthy 9 months for them, and a gorgeous baby at the end of it x

N.I.M

Dinah93 wrote: »

Lol NIM and I have always said all money is completely joint, doesn't matter who earns it, we're a team etc etc.... and he hasn't said anything at all about me not pulling my weight if I'm caring for Gracie, this is all me, some latent feminism is beating its way out of me maybe.

Remember your dissertation and ask yourself where this is coming from love.

shrimpy_80

Busy thread this morning, every time I think I've caught up something new appears.

If your £300 shortfall is based on how you live now I think that's sensible, Cinny is quite right to say you will adapt your budget according to what you have, but its sensible to have a 'buffer zone' built into your plans.

I think feminism is about having the right to choose, not feeling that you have to do everything and then feel guilty about it on top. If you want to work p/t for the sake of your career and sanity then you absolutely should, but if it's because you feel that you in some way should go back to work, then remember that you are a team and contributing towards a household isn't just financial (although I'm sure you will be bringing in an income anyway one way or another, being such an income generating machine ) It is a hard decision, I guess what I'm trying to say is not to let guilt become a factor in it. What was your dissertation on?

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time Cinny, hope the tablets help you get back on an even keel, and best not use any more derogatory potato based comparisons while NIM's around, he might come after you with a wet fish as well Don't give yourself a hard time x

Good news about your brother and SIL Birdie, really hope all goes well for them. And good luck with the Hotel booking, let us know! So annoying when that happens! If not maybe you will have to have another trip away?

I lent my 30DS to a colleague and haven't had it back, I was sort of coming around to the idea of starting it up again as that is also on my day zero list. I know she is using it though so feel a bit bad...

shrimpy_80

Oooh I knew there was something else, Ruby, did I see on one of the wedding threads that you are thinking of making a fabric flower bouquet? Apologies if it wasn't you, I spotted it and couldn't find it again when I went back. I really want to do one as well if you fancy exchanging tips i.e. helping me not to mess it up

ruby_eskimo

shrimpy_80 wrote: »

Oooh I knew there was something else, Ruby, did I see on one of the wedding threads that you are thinking of making a fabric flower bouquet? Apologies if it wasn't you, I spotted it and couldn't find it again when I went back. I really want to do one as well if you fancy exchanging tips i.e. helping me not to mess it up

Yes that was me. I think I might mess it up as well but I'm going to give it a bloody good go! Going to wait till we actually have a date before doing one, but have seen a lot of supplies available on ebay that I'm keeping my eye on.