what are the best value dating sites?

There_Goes_Trouble

Scotty1.7 wrote: »

Well, made the descion to try and not look at any dating sites till this time next month

Try and get a break from it and rebuild some self confidence- and try and egt out and get some decent pictures take.

Start a sweep stake on dates by all means folk.

Recently had a really really nice conversation on POF with some who had the same breed of dag as my and my housemate, decided to just ask if she fancied takignt he dogs for a walk sometime. Surpirsingly I have heard from since that request. Did I do something wrong just askign if she would like to walk the dogs toegther?

Yeah maybe, there's no way I'd go off into the woods with a bloke I've never met before who I only know through the internet. Sorry Scotty, that might have been a bad suggestion even though I know you meant it well.

Good for you re-vamping your profile though, and you're having conversations with people which is more than I've managed in ages!

lufcgirl

I think Scotty, and this is really with the best of intentions, that you're coming across as a little desperate.

When I've met someone before I've taken the time to get to know them, and we'll maybe joke on and talk about meeting but it never usually happens straight away. I think three months was the longest I'd waited and it was the best decision of my life. I knew the person and seeing them was just like seeing a friend I knew I'd end up being with!
For someone to say to me on the second day of talking, would you like to take the dogs for a walk, it'd be like erm....no from me and a quick delete of the name.

If someone responds to you great, but don't sit by your computer messaging them the second they message you! Give it a day or at least a few hours and show that you're not glued to the website all day. Leave an air of mystery around you, something that indicates they want to get to know you more. I feel like after reading this thread for two days that I know your soul...so what you're talking to these women about I have no idea. Just be cool and calm and collected, women pick up on desperation. Like I said, I don't mean it badly, we all want you to meet a lovely woman!

pea-benn

Scotty, I'm going to disagree with lufcgirl... I don't think you've done anything wrong!!! I really don't want to have a 3 month email exchange with someone. I do accept everyone's preferred way of doing things is going to be different and age, background and even where you live is going to play a part. My preferred scenario is a few days messaging on the site, swap numbers and then speak on the phone and then arrange to meet (all within 2-3weeks).

From experience, I've had great email conversations with someone only to be hugely disappointed with the reality. It's really easy to build an inaccurate picture of someone. There have been quite a few who have not made it past the phone stage - either they just sounded dull or something didn't feel quite right. There have been a couple of guys who wanted to keep on contacting me but were a bit elusive about meeting up - my conclusion is that they were probably in relationships.

Scotty, I guess the women with the dog thinks more like lufcgirl, than me! What about a follow up email saying "I hope haven't scared you off by suggesting a dog walk but you sound lovely and I wanted to meet you! I'm happy to email or chat on the phone if you want to get to know me a bit more first". There could be any number of reasons why she didn't reply. Don't always assume it's you!!

lufcgirl

pea-benn wrote: »

Scotty, I guess the women with the dog thinks more like lufcgirl, than me! What about a follow up email saying "I hope haven't scared you off by suggesting a dog walk but you sound lovely and I wanted to meet you! I'm happy to email or chat on the phone if you want to get to know me a bit more first". There could be any number of reasons why she didn't reply. Don't always assume it's you!!

But pea...and as much as I agree with the rest of your post that it's down to the person, age, location etc...if this person really was interested wouldn't they have messaged back by now saying that they don't think it's right to meet so soon and that she would like to get to know him better first? The message you've just wrote sounds kind of creepy, and desperate (no offence!) I think I'd have taken the hint at the non reply to the first message and left well alone!

If she messaged a few days later then great, but I'm a firm believer that if theres no reply after one message, they're not really that interested as you are in them.

Scotty1.7

I think your both right. It's not the same for everyone.

I have to as I did suggest a public park, in the middle of the day when there would be other people about so it was safer for us both.

I guess I do cone across desperate sometimes but its not meant like that. It's just cause actually getting a decent reply is so rare and I don't want to seem rude, after all I sent that first message and I don't want someone to think I'm like the rest who don't reply after a message.

Like I said though I'm walking away from dating sites in hope it gives me time to restore my faith in myself.

Cheers for the support though everyone, I hope I get there.

mackemdave

Im definetly with pea on this one....get the first meet over its only then that you find out if you are going to gel.Yes shes right about building up a profile of someone that you email for a while and it normally leads to disappointment.

By trying to meet up quickly you also find if the other person is genuine...A lot of people on these sites are there for the chase so you could end up emailing for weeks and weeks and then they go quiet at talk of meeting up.

pea-benn

Maybe, you're right! I definately wouldn't email someone if they hadn't replied to my last email so maybe not just the best advice for Scotty.

I guess the key thing is to get the right level of detachment from it. Get too obsessed and you just over analyse everything and any rejection leads to disappointment. But if you're too detached and you could come across as too cold or aloof.

Enjoy your break from it Scotty and come back refreshed. I firmly believe there is someone for everyone out there.

lufcgirl

I think I need advice on handling something now...and this will make me sound quite mean I think!

I have been talking to someone a lot over the past couple of weeks, most mornings, then stops while at work, then evenings and on the phone sometimes too. They're a lovely person and have helped me through my break up, and they know I'm not completely over it and I won't be for a very long time. Now here's the dilemma. I know, I just know they're starting to get attached. By the tone of messages, the 'I miss you while I was at work messages' etc...and I'm being selfish because I think they're amazing as a friend, I'd just never want a relationship with them. Does that make sense? I'm making myself confused. So it's either set the record straight now, or wait until they broach the matter one day and say I'm sorry, I'd only break your heart and for that reason we shouldn't talk anymore?

A genuine dilemma!

Scotty1.7

Lufc, be honest, tell them you think there s great friend and you hope they enjoy just seeing you as friend.

coin_operated_girl

I agree just be honest. It will probably be kind of awkward but in the long run I think it would be better. I would just say that you think they are a great friend and an amazing person but you just don't see them in that way.