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DUTR

Ladyhawk wrote: »

So this is my profile..... I don't come across too scarily do I?
I'm happiest putting the world to rights with good friends over a bottle or two of wine. Even better if wine is good and the location is warm and sunny.
I love thunderstorms - they remind me of an idyllic childhood. I'm an avid reader (thrillers, biographies), and adore cooking, really food in general (cakes being one of my specialities).
I spend my weekends pottering in my garden, playing badminton, driving with the top down on my car, snoozing and listening to indie rock. I am particularly partial to a bit of REM, pre-Popmart U2, Smashing Pumpkins and Violent Femmes.
I can't sit still for long... I need to be busy. I love trying new things even if it scares me... Except if it involves heights. After an unfortunate bungee jumping incident I am not too keen on being far from the earths crust.

Who I'm looking for (this is a standard section in Soulmates that you have to complete)
My ideal partner would have a combination of traits: compassion, ambition, commitment and self deprecation. And a very naughty sense of humour. Everything else is mere detail

Maureen43 wrote: »

Ladyhawk - I really like your profile! Do you perhaps live in a rural area where the field is smaller anyway?

Anyway, deep breath and here goes. Here is my profile:

I am looking for an honest, open and friendly man who shares my values.
I am a proud mum of two children who are growing up too fast!
I love walking in the countryside near my home, as well as running (some would call it jogging!) whenever I get the opportunity.
I like food, whether it be cooked at home by me or someone else. I also like going out to eat good food with good company at restaurants
On of my favourite things is a sunny day with the smell of cut grass in the air.
Travel is a big part of my life and there is still so much of the world I want to see.
Time spent with family and friends is important to me but I want to find that special someone to spend happy times with.
Be warned though...I am a terrible dancer!

Ladies, I couldn't get chance to go through all nearly 3000 posts, as a bloke (and not the most desirable I confess) , many profiles talk about what "I" want, and what 'baggage' comes along, there is little mention of what YOU are bringing to the relationship .
Also, blokes leave short responses as most the time they won't be getting a reply (my GF had 283 messages in a day :eek: ) .
Beyond a certain age the children thing is no longer desirable, we've all been there done that, if you are on PAYG mobile, got needy dependants , can't drive/have car and avoiding the 21st century, then sadly it will be an uphill struggle for a long while

Maureen43

Nice to hear a man's perspective DUTR!

So, should I remove mention of children in my profile, and say more about what I could bring to a relationship rather than what I like/want?

Ladyhawk

jeez DUTR - what site was your GF on??? I need to sign up!

I don't really know how to word what I bring to the relationship:
- I do not expect you to spend every day/ weekend with me
- I do not expect shiny trinkets at regular intervals
- I do not need to be taken out for dinner for anniversaries/ valentines day etc. I would far rather have a lovely meal at home
- I will always be well presented and only take 10 minutes to get ready
- I enjoy watching rugby and cricket... if football is more your scene then you're on your own
- I do not expect you to have the same interests as me, only a similar outlook in life
- I am a really good cook - in fact I am the embodiment of the infamous Jerry Hall quote (except for the maid bit)
- I am intelligent and can talk to anyone
- I am solvent and do not want your money

So how do I write this in a way that is appealing? That come across as warm - because in spite of all of the above, I am a tactile (with the right person), warm and caring person who just wants someone to care about and who cares about me. Nothing more and nothing less.

DUTR

Maureen43 wrote: »

Nice to hear a man's perspective DUTR!

So, should I remove mention of children in my profile, and say more about what I could bring to a relationship rather than what I like/want?

I'm not everyman, what I noticed as a 'trend' on POF is the (many) ladies state I want I want I want and some mention so much of what they do with their time, that I can't see how they find time to have a relationship or have time to have just she and he time (which after all is what many want) . I'd say do mention you have children (if you do) , blokes like to go out dating too, but don't want to feel like they have to be impressive without being impressed too (it adds unnecessary pressure) . Remember few will want to make the same errors over and over again , and chances are the relationships prior broke down due to lack of she and he time

DUTR

Ladyhawk wrote: »

jeez DUTR - what site was your GF on??? I need to sign up!

I don't really know how to word what I bring to the relationship:
- I do not expect you to spend every day/ weekend with me
- I do not expect shiny trinkets at regular intervals
- I do not need to be taken out for dinner for anniversaries/ valentines day etc. I would far rather have a lovely meal at home
- I will always be well presented and only take 10 minutes to get ready
- I enjoy watching rugby and cricket... if football is more your scene then you're on your own
- I do not expect you to have the same interests as me, only a similar outlook in life
- I am a really good cook - in fact I am the embodiment of the infamous Jerry Hall quote (except for the maid bit)
- I am intelligent and can talk to anyone
- I am solvent and do not want your money

So how do I write this in a way that is appealing? That come across as warm - because in spite of all of the above, I am a tactile (with the right person), warm and caring person who just wants someone to care about and who cares about me. Nothing more and nothing less.

I think you already have the right ideas, I was on POF, admittedly a lot depends on luck, and of course there are some bad blokes out there, but usually they are straight to the point in their profile eg if they are looking to get in bed on the 1st meet they will often say in the profile. In fairness I wouldn't know if my encounter is going to last a great length of time, some boxes are ticked which allows future dates and the 'maximum' history has not been reached or exceeded, but she is showing an equal amount of interest. That said she does find it amusing yet offensive that if I visit I get my mate to text (just in case she is a maniac)

philb120

Well I have updated my profile on POF from looking for friends. Going through the divorce at the moment so not looking for a relationship but a few dates might be nice. Is my profile ok? Don't want to sound needy or psycho

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35486013

Ladyhawk

Hi Phil... I think you have too much information in your profile, too much about how you will not be psycho. You have also mentioned twice that you have moved to Wendover for work (at the big new dairy by any chance??? No you don't need to answer that).

You also mention that you can't accommodate... If you are looking for friendship why do you specifically mention that there not be any sleepovers at yours?

And dispense with the kisses. Again, if you are looking for friendship then they are not appropriate. I personally avoid men who put themin their profile and I'm looking for romance!

Finally, you sound like a really lovely guy so best of luck. Also try Meet Ups in your area. I seems to remember there were a few in the Hets/ Beds and Bucks area.

philb120

Thank you Ladyhawk- have shortened it as suggested- have to say I have always loved that film by the way

Ladyhawk

It's great and highly under-rated film even if it is a tad dated.

Any... Your profile is much better, though there is still a kiss in the first date section. I would also remove the paragraph about not bring afraid to open your emails - it rings alarm bells. How about replacing it with something a bit more about you... You are clearly interesting and articulate so describe something that is important to you or about you.

Or feel free to ignore my suggestions as it is only one persons point of view

philb120

Thank you, I think it looks a lot better now