what are the best value dating sites?

267

GemmaB78 wrote: »

But surely there's got to be a spark? A sense of phwoar?!

I'm not sure there has. When my (late) wife and I first met we didn't like each other at all. There was nothing about her that appealed to me. I can't tell you what she thought of me, the mods would remove it :rotfl:

We only met because she moved in to a house across the road from me. Over time, we bumped in to each other and would chat a little. It developed in to a full blown relationship ending in marriage. We were together for over 20 years and it only ended due to her unexpected & untimely death.

If either of us had judged the other on our first impressions we would never have had that time.

Frogletina

267 wrote: »

""Looks aint important cos they never last, money is the same, so if you are looking for happiness look 4 a personality and a smile. One smile can light up the world. Find the right one to light up your heart!""

The above quote reads as though it comes from a play. I would never contact anyone who had written aint, cos and 4 in their profile.

Tomby1

I met my girlfriend through POF and we've been together just over two years. I got a few messages but she was the only person I actually directly messaged as she lived 10 minutes walk down the road from me and was going to the same university.

POF definitely worked for us

GemmaB78 wrote: »

sense of phwoar?! You can be the nicest, funniest, most intelligent, etc. person in the world, but if I have to ask myself if I find you attractive or not, we're quickly going to fizzle out. Call me shallow if you like, but I have GOT to have butterflies in the pit of my stomach when I look at you... Whilst it isn't the primary factor, to me it is important.

Weirdly, not necessarily. We wouldn't have looked twice at each other in a bar, purely because we both went for certain types of people. Just because you're not attracted to someone, doesn't make them unattractive. Meeting up with someone can easily change what you think of them; they might have amazing eyes, a great smile, great dress sense, a great body etc etc etc

267

Frogletina wrote: »

The above quote reads as though it comes from a play. I would never contact anyone who had written aint, cos and 4 in their profile.

For all I know it has. I didn't bother commenting on the grammar as it wasn't relevant to my point. It was purely about what was said, not how it was said.

I'm now wondering what most of you are going to do in 10, 15, 20 years time. When you wake up one day to discover that "mr or mrs right", that gave you butterflies when you first met has got old, are you going to throw them out? Will you bother to look in the mirror and see that, you too have aged. Personality, manners and all other characteristics of substance will always be there. Unless you are incredibly lucky, your looks will not.

There_Goes_Trouble

Well I didn't contact him.

I think that whilst 'phwoar' would be lovely, I'm not expecting that to happen. However, this guy evoked feelings about as far away from 'phwoar' as can be, so I think he's out of the picture really.

I totally know that feelings usually grow and develop and I know lots of people who didn't like the person they ended up with when they first met. The trouble is that those feelings develop over time and with regular contact with a person, usually because in the first instance the contact is enforced e.g. by working together. With internet dating you're not in that environment of enforced regular contact in order for those feeling to grow, and I have no way of knowing which of the several hundred men in my 'matches' that this could happen with, and I can't have regular contact with all of them just in case!!!

This guy came across as a nice guy and if he were even in the top 75% on my 'scale of attractiveness' then I would have given it a go, but really, he's probably down in the bottom 5%.... (I don't rate men on their looks, I was just trying to illustrate my thought process to explain it on here!)

There_Goes_Trouble

runningwoman wrote: »

Good debate for a a Sunday guys :beer: My thoughts

1. If it’s incredibly important to you that X occurs, then look for that. For me, it’s not necessary that I get to the finish point of marriage – I can meet my companionship needs and I have and my own economic/career goals in my life (my own family is horrid so I have no wish to repeat that dynamic) so I’d rather be single than with someone not incredibly mentally and physically stimulating.

I'd rather be single that with someone doesn't respect me. Some of the stories I read on this forum and just beyond belief to me!

Aesthetics and sex are important to me, and I work out so it’s important I find someone compatible in that regard. I don’t have the time or the inclination to adapt a man hugely – I’m after someone who is the finished product. So yes, I do like that “phwoar” factor.

Yep. Have no interest in trying to 'change' someone to suit me and from what I've read on here it rarely works anyway. I'd like to find someone who compliments me just the way he is.

For someone for whom companionship is a priority or getting the marriage and children thing sorted, the initial "wow" factor might have to be balanced out with long term compatibility. Of course there needs to be SOME attraction, but not necessarily instant fireworks.

I think this is how my friend sees it. She had no problem telling me that she didn't fall in love with her husband for his looks!!

No-one is right or wrong, it’s just working out what your priorities are and going with them, and accepting the pay-offs from whatever you want to pursue.

2. One thing I’ve found myself...

There’s a particular kind of man (as in hair colour, build, face features, accent) that is just guaranteed to make me go weak at the knees. I'm VERY aware this is mainly based on the two men who have made a big emotional/sexual impact on me in the past (vice versa, I often find I’m men’s “type” because I resemble the women who turned them from boys into men ).

I think it’s great I’ve been in love and been loved that much and felt that much chemistry and that’s what it’s all about – I treasure those memories of looking at my partner/lover and being incredibly proud and thinking “YES!” and I’ll still be treasuring them when I’m old and wrinkly. Desire for its own sake is very desirable, it doesn't need to "end" in anything.

I ALSO know that I should be open-minded about not looking for “exactly the same thing” or repeating the past again. There’s a case for balance here – I’m never going to find a podgy forty year old attractive, that’s just biology. But I can go for say someone of slightly different appearance to past loves and see how that goes, whilst being aware that I’m a bit physically prejudiced against them simply for not being Mr X or Mr Y.

I have never been loved or been in love in this way, but I try and keep an open mind even though I am often drawn to a 'type' online.

3. I do think it’s important to have a realistic idea of your own physical charms.

Absolutely. I'm no great looker myself and am aware of that, but equally I don't think I should 'settle' for someone I'm not in love with just because they're nice, that's not fair on them or me.

It’s a big box of worms discussing this, but I think if you’re out there as much as possible and finding you’re getting respectful reciprocated attention from the kind of people you’re attracted to (alongside the weirdos, everyone gets the weirdos) then you’re Ok.

Actually find internet dating GREAT for this, as over six months you can meet a whole load of folk and get a good feel for what your “level” is. I see people struggle when they think they “deserve” a certain kind of person physically but don’t quite match up to it themselves (yes late thirties/ forty-something year old podgy men who think that twenty something girls should like you because of your great “personalities”, I’m looking at you :rotfl:).

I too am never going to find a podgy bloke whose main hobby is xbox or gameboy attractive, because I like to keep fit and play sport most days. Late thirties/early forties is about right though...

My comments in blue....

LisaB85

A male friend of mine was intrigued as to why I got the impression I'm ugly and didn't really believe the !!!! women get on these sites so he set up a profile as a 29 year old woman, not model looks but attractive and he got loads of messages saying how gorgeous 'she' was and how could 'she' be single.

Now the profile he wrote stated 'Looking for a tall 6ft plus slim/athletic man'

so now he can see where women come from, men look at photos and don't bother reading profiles as most messages were from 5ft6 men, fat men or men in their 50's.

Safe to say it has opened his eyes

Scotty1.7

Hey all.

Long time no post.

So I'm still single but I am back on okcupid.

Moved home and I'm loving the new place.

Hows everyone else?

prudent_princess

Hi Scotty!

All ok here!

Still with my man...had some ups and downs but we're ok :-)

Good luck on okcupid!

System

Another one checking in!

One month in and things are still gong very well

Still feeling a bit weird about when people ask where we met...we have a running joke between us that if anyone asks we met whilst "fishing" (on POF :rotfl: ). Told my my mum we met through a mutual friend as she is weird about internet stuff and probably wouldnt approve if she knew we met on a dating site...