I'm a Dad, Seperating From My Wife...

pinkshoes

Private_and_Confidential wrote: »

Pinkshoes : You're right, we did end up take each other and the relationship for granted. It's the way it evolved. I suppose my 'pitiful' way of dealing with it was to stray - not the right things to do. The straying though totally broke something that was mildly damaged.

And are you 100% sure that your marriage can't be saved?

Forget this other girl - I guarantee you that your relationship with her will not last, and was doomed from the start as it was based on infidelity.

You have two amazing very young children, who want a mummy and a daddy who work as a team, and who are preferably together. Are you 100% that the marriage is completely over?

Given it failed due to the two of you forgetting to put the effort in and taking each other for granted, then chances are that with a lot of hard work, it can work again. Surely if there's even a remote chance you could put your family back together again, it's something worth doing for the sake of your children.

This isn't about you and your new slapper, it's about your CHILDREN, and what's best for them. Their happiness is the priority, not yours.

Think carefully.

j.e.j.

I fear the OP has long gone..

princessdreamer

j.e.j. wrote: »

I fear the OP has long gone..

Probably to fathers for justice or somewhere similar who will tell him the wife is evil and how to treat her like dirt.

AmandaD28

j.e.j. wrote: »

I fear the OP has long gone..

I thought that too

He certainly opened himself up to getting flamed didn't he ? He thinks his "new toy" is all so much more fun than his real life right now and there will be no getting rid of the "new slapper" I am certain of that for now she will be the best thing that ever happenned to him.

It will be when the wife picks herself back up and moves on and is truly happy within herself (which will happen) that he will reappear and be asking how to get her back considering the hurt he has caused like so many others here this also happenned to me and generally thats how it pans out.

I was stupid the first time and reconcilled second time shame on him and I had none of it, this is now his reason to hate me and slag me off to our children for any reason. He hasn't lasted with the love of his life he also cheated on her and now has a new woman who makes him complete yet amazingly after moving in with her a few months ago he then asked me if he could move back here citing missing his children growing up as the reason ........... err no chance was the answer funnily enough since then he's been dropping contact with the kids and complaining he doesn't get enough quality time with them ! (I can't quite make any sense of that one 50/50 custody was always on offer from my side since its my belief that men can be every bit as good as parents as women can and indeed I know several men who are way better than the women, but I was told it was my choice to have kids therefore I should look after them on my own)

OP if by some chance you are still around please don't become like this with your children they MUST always come first and any new partner should be accepting of that you have responsibilities that you need to stand up for and they must must always be paramount don't ever make them feel second best I don't know if you watch educating essex but that boy on there the other night my heart broke for him I wanted to give him a big cuddle his dad had lost sight of what was important and was too busy impressing his new G/F and her children to be bothered about the impact on him please do not allow your children to end up feeling the way he did !

Aberdeenangarse

Typical response from many on here. The bloke asks for advice and all he gets is judgement Perhaps some of you should look at yourselves first. I wouldn't be surprised if a few of you weren't prone to knocking off the Electrician of Plumber while your OH's at work :rotfl:

VestanPance

The OP is an idiot using the same old crap a million guys have used before. The jumping after the first girl who shows him the slightest bit of interest now he's no longer the sole focus of his wife now a child has arrived. He needs to man up, not jump into bed with some idiot he met.

deb68_2

princessdreamer wrote: »

oh debs hugs lol poor guy will be running for the hills bet he wishes he not asked now

LOL
should keep his pants on then,be terrible shame if he caught it in his zip :jnow that would be divine intervention
i would say the same if it was a women

simple in a relationship male or female, dont mess around dont be pond life scum DONT HURT YOUR KIDS

GobbledyGook

Although your wife/ex wife may be worse off by going through the legal way do not be surprised if she still does.

My ex pays over and above what the CSA says that he has to. However because I don't completely trust him (due to his previous actions) I still get what the CSA say I should through the CSA. He then tops it up. I chose to do this because I don't want to go through the waiting time for the CSA to open a case, track him down (which they made hard work of) etc etc if he decides to play silly again.

I also only budget month to month for the amounts he is obliged to give me so that if he decides to walk away from the extra then I'm not completely stuffed trying to juggle things around.

He was quite offended at that in the beginning, but when someone cheats and messes you around it is incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to trust their word.

FBaby

I don't know if OP has disappeared or reading without posting any longer, but my advice would be to accept that your wife might act and react with a certain level of bitterness. If she comes out of the separation feeling like she's been used and left totally humiliated (which is highly likely in the situation), she might hold on to whatever she can to hurt you back in the only ways she can, and that will be with money/kids. To be fair, and I feel you will accept that, she will have good reasons to feel the way she does.

The only way forward is to sympathise with her feelings and accept that the consequences of your actions are going to make your life difficult too. Don't go on a campaign to fight for your rights (in the end, when it comes to the kids she will always have more than you), but try to negotiate and accept not to get all what you want. Trust things will get better in time (hopefully for you she will move on quickly and when she's happy again, things will be better for you too), and don't do things out of guilt, but because you genuinely want to do right.

So if she says she doesn't want your kids to meet your new partner, or them to stay overnight, bear it for the time being. Go along with it and make little steps whilst negotiating. Concentrate on giving a little if you want a little back. If she does something that annoys you, think whether it is worth critisizing or making a demand or is it better to close your eyes?

In the end, you are coming out of this much better than she is. It is up to you to make things as amicable as possible. Don't think of what YOU would want, but what is best for your kids and less painful for your ex-wife if you still care for her. Don't let your new partner get involved in ANY decisions that involves the kids/divorce, it has nothing to do with her at this point of their lives. Make it clear to her so there is no confusion. Don't hide behind telling everyone what they want to hear for peace and quiet. Stand to what you believe is the right thing to do.

Whether you and your ex can remain friends will very much depends on how you handle the situation in the next few years.

olibrofiz

It's sad for both sides when these things happen but, anyone not thought that the OP's wife may be breathing a sigh of relief? I did