What to do about this 'friend'

victory

No one is ever direct honest though are they? So many times in life you want to say x y or z and end up smiling and putting up with it instead:D

**Juice**

I would just phase her out.....

wannabehermit

Thanks for all the advice. See the thing is that I don't think she is a horrible person the way some people are, just as some have put it socially inept. She will look at an item I've bought for dd and stop the conversation dead to say how horrble she thinks it is, she will criticise me for having a tidy house, her house is a sh itpit but I would never dream of saying so. If I talk to her about plans she'll put them down and turn her nose up at them (literally).

I honestly don't think she means to do it, it's just the way she is for whatever reason and possibly that's why all other friendships have turned out this way, from what she's said in the past they've all been phased out, texts ignored etc.

So I'm really split:

phasing out - easiest for me, less hassle, don't have an upset or angry person on my hands

telling her straight - may do her some favours in the future, maybe she will realise that she needs to stop thinking out loud, but could make things awkward for me

I'm really quite split actually. More of you say phase out which is definitely the easy option but I'm going to have a think about how I could tell her about the 'issues' and see if there's an easy way (for me) to do that. If I can't then I'm just going to ignore all the way.

Thank you.

euronorris

You could always write it all down in a letter or email, and send her that.

That way, you've said your peace, without having the face to face confrontation. And it will give her a chance to mull things over before responding too.

Any

If you do tell her, be ready for her argument back - "but would you rather I told you those jeans look fantastic on you and have people point out how horrible it is behind your back? I do it for you... blah blah, I am just an honest person, with me you know what you are getting blah blah".

Just be ready. Her reaction can also be that she will tell you some home truths about you.. Not necesarily a bad thing, but just don't think she will take it on the chest and suddenly change. If she is the better type she will ask questions. You will have to talk it out.

How you formulate things can make a massive difference.

cloudy-day

Any wrote: »

If you do tell her, be ready for her argument back - "but would you rather I told you those jeans look fantastic on you and have people point out how horrible it is behind your back? I do it for you... blah blah, I am just an honest person, with me you know what you are getting blah blah".

Just be ready. Her reaction can also be that she will tell you some home truths about you.. Not necesarily a bad thing, but just don't think she will take it on the chest and suddenly change. If she is the better type she will ask questions. You will have to talk it out.

How you formulate things can make a massive difference.

This.

If you tell her directly then it still gives her a foot in the door as she will see it as YOUR problem that you are upset by her remarks!

Get rid, life's too short for you to waste on people like this.

j.e.j.

Good luck with things, whatever you decide. At best she sounds very immature, and there's no reason you should have to start correcting a grown adult's behaviour. I also suspect she knows, deep down, why people end up dropping her?

Charlies_Mummy

My advice would be to drop this friend ASAP with minimum fuss and avoid her as much as possible. I had a similar acquaintance that kept making nasty comments and put-downs to me constantly. She would say something and then say "Oh no, that was rude wasn't it?" so she knew she was doing it but made out it was just the way she was. I felt that she lacked confidence and that underneath was a nice person, as she would intersperse her toxic behaviour with very kind, generous behaviour, so I kept meeting up with her. Anyway, things didn't turn out well and she did eventually turn very nasty with me, and it got quite heated. I really wish I had dropped her in the early days, and kept things pleasant between us but stopped meeting up, as the things that happened have caused me nothing but hassle and some mutual friends have got involved too. If I was to find myself in the same situation again, I would just be "busy" every time the person wanted to meet up and ignore texts. I think if it's a long-term proper friendship then yes it's worth saying something if the friend is upsetting you, but if a fledgling friendship is toxic and makes you feel bad from the beginning then it's best to take it as a warning sign and run!

victory

There was a colleague at work that would say the most jaw dropping things and then cover herself with 'oh I am only joking' wow, they were no jokes ,that was unbelievable blunt unguarded cruel rude comments but if she said ' was only joking or I was just having a laugh' then she thought it was fun and fine until one day the actual boss so sick and tired of it blew up at her and made her see that it was not right to say all that stuff and never would be.....

She did calm down a bit....

busiscoming2

I am the sort of person that would want to tell her that she can't treat people as she is, but the easy option is to just phase her out: ignore her texts and calls, always be busy when she wants to meet. Then hopefully she will get bored. I assume she is far enough away not to just turn up at your house?