What to do about this 'friend'

flippin36

There are lots of people like that. Her negativity may be habitual and doesn't realise she's doing it, it maybe that she has low self esteem so needs to put everyone down to make herself feel good. She may just be a really horrible person. Whatever the reason, if her comments and attitude bother you and undermine your confidence I think you need to be "busy"...a lot of the time. Have excuses on the ready and don't be quick to reply to emails, she'll move on to someone else.

Friendships should be about enjoying each others company not using someone to make yourself feel better or tolerating someone's bad behaviour because you think you ought to.

Sublime_2

My ex still phones me up. When he's being a misery, I just pass the phone to my daughter. :rotfl:

wannabehermit

SailorSam wrote: »

I've been there and got the tee-shirt, i agree you've got to ignore txts and phone calls. Mine is still going on after many years but much less annoying than it was.
I wish i was more mean sometimes and could bring myself to say ******* Off !

Oh don't say that! Hopefully she'll get it before then.

Thanks for the replies people

victory

It doesn't have to take years:rotfl::D

Any

MFSaver wrote: »

There is no nice way to do this. Phasing out is probably the best way to go.

I completely agree.
But you cannot give up. You already know it is bothering you, if you give up, it will keep annoying you and one day you'll blow and it could get very nasty...

sassyblue

Been through something very similar, and also over ttc! In fact l was hoping it wasn't any other of my 'fertility friends' posting about me :rotfl: until l read what she said when she saw DD for the first time, OMG :eek:

It wasn't that bad for me with this woman though because l heard alarm bells very loudly the first time l met her, but it still took weeks for her to get the message. Ignoring texts and phone calls is a good start, if you bump into each other in the street be in a hurry and don't stop to talk.

l believe the woman l met up with had some form of aspergers, she didn't seem to be able to 'read' situations, she went on about people brushing her off and not having any friends when others seemed to make friends easily, the first time l met her she thrust a spa day catalogue at me and pestered me to go with her, asking time and time again.:eek:

Maybe this woman is the same it's a totally unnacceptable comment to make about your daughter, she should have the sense to know that.

Good luck, l'm sure you'll get rid of her, eventually.

newcook

next time she texts send one back saying 'who is this?'

choccybikkie_2

What an awful thing to say when she saw your dd!!!
Just wondering was she successful in ttc? Obviously you were, just wondering if her nasty comment was jealousy? Certainly no excuse but the constant put downs def sound like she's a bit jealous of you.

I'd attempt to phase out too,but, if she doesn't get it and starts to hassle you i'd have to reply with a curt comment!
Good Luck

Desperado99

choccybikkie wrote: »

Just wondering was she successful in ttc? Obviously you were, just wondering if her nasty comment was jealousy? Certainly no excuse but the constant put downs def sound like she's a bit jealous of you.

I wondered this too.....

Phasing out is the less 'painful' option, but it may not work.

Next time you see her (if phasing out doesn't work ) and she says something mean, call her out on it.

A friend of mine told me of another friend who would always belittle her when they bumped into each other.

"Are you still living in that tatty little house?" was the general comment. The last time, she called her out on it and told her that she no longer thought of her as a friend. Short, sharp and painful.... but it worked.

Good luck.

euronorris

wannabehermit wrote: »

I know it sounds silly that I don't want to cause upset even though she's been upsetting me but I really think she doesn't understand what she's doing which is why I want to be gentle. When dd was born she was laid sleeping in her moses basket, 'friend' came round, took one look at her and said "ooh she looks dead". She didn't get wht was so unacceptable about making a comment like that.

I've been taking days to reply to texts for some time now and it's been 3 weeks since I last saw or spoke to her but I've now had a phonecall from her yesterday and a couple of texts, plus more texts today she doesn't seem to be getting the hint. Apparently this happens a lot, after a year or so people stop contacting her and she's been on the phone to me in tears before now because someones blown her out.

I suppose I'll ignore these latest texts a bit longer, she'll get the message eventually I guess. ho hum!

If that is the case, then she really could benefit from your honesty about how you are feeling.

That doesn't mean you have to stay friends, but just outline your reasons why you don't wish to continue being friends. At least then she has been made aware of the reasons and can choose to work on them (or not - it's her choice and responsibility).

I'm not a fan of 'phasing' people out. I think it's very cruel and cowardly.