What to do about this 'friend'

Sambucus_Nigra

wannabehermit wrote: »

I'm really quite split actually. More of you say phase out which is definitely the easy option but I'm going to have a think about how I could tell her about the 'issues' and see if there's an easy way (for me) to do that. If I can't then I'm just going to ignore all the way.

I think you wil be wasting your time and just be risking a revenge attack on you. If she is unable to be nice about things that her friends like, then she will probably not be able to handle feedback about her behaviour.

Ever heard 'don't shoot the messenger'? This is a perfect example. If you do give it to her straight be 100% prepared for a backlash.

If you do, I'd go with 'I'm really sorry, but from the time you said my baby looked dead, I just haven't wanted to hear anything from you, so everything you say annoys me. And that's not healthy so it's best to move on. Bye.'

wannabehermit

Charlies_Mummy wrote: »

I felt that she lacked confidence and that underneath was a nice person, as she would intersperse her toxic behaviour with very kind, generous behaviour, so I kept meeting up with her.

This is exactly it. I was going to reply to the text she sent the other day with something like "I'm fine, very very busy atm." and leave it at that, but now she's messaging me on facebook so it looks like I may have to be a bit more blunt. I don't think the ignoring/phasing out is going to work with her.

Hopefully there will be no backlash but I will make sure that I'm prepared in case there is. We live fairly close - about a 15 minute walk - but I don't think she's the type to turn up on my doorstep and kick off.

Charlies_Mummy

I would just keep ignoring and ignoring; if you bump into her, just say that you've been "very busy" and haven't got round to replying to her. If you see her be friendly but not too friendly and just a quick "Hi, how are you? Sorry can't stop, am in such a hurry". It might take her ages to get the hint but as long as she doesn't turn up on your doorstep then it will probably be manageable. I think I would do everything possible to avoid having to be blunt with her as you might find she harrasses you even more then or causes trouble for you.