What to do about this 'friend'

wannabehermit

I say 'friend' but I don't want to be friends with her but don't know how to let her down without being nasty as I don't want to do that.

We met on a parenting website a while ago and tbh the only reason we are 'friends' is because we were ttc at the same time and we live near each other. I only used the site for a few months and if it hadn't been for where we lived we'd have never met and would never have given each other a second thought since.

We come from very different backgrounds, have different hopes and desires, different interests and really do have nothing in common except the above.

I won't say I don't like her but don't particularly like her if that makes sense?

She's a bit odd, I can't really explain it you'd have to meet her to understand. She seems to criticise anything I do or buy. She tells me how horrible the things I buy are, questions all my decisions as though they are stupid and can be generally really very insensitive to the point that it's upsetting.

Like I say I don't dislike her so would rather let her down gently, but I don't want to be stringing this out any further tbh. Anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice for me?

Thanks for reading.

jamespir

some people are negative if you dont want to be her friend tell her dont beat around the bush about it

basscadette

She sounds jealous or trying to assert her superiority tbh. The criticism is a clue.

I normally just phase people out - don't answer texts, always be busy when they want to do something etc. It takes a month or two but they eventually get the message - forcefully 'grow apart' lol.

Gordon_Hose

She's critical, insensitive and horrible about you... and you're worried about letting her down gently?

HELLO!

Sublime_2

Alarm bells, should have been going, from the minute you started getting this.

wannabehermit

I know it sounds silly that I don't want to cause upset even though she's been upsetting me but I really think she doesn't understand what she's doing which is why I want to be gentle. When dd was born she was laid sleeping in her moses basket, 'friend' came round, took one look at her and said "ooh she looks dead". She didn't get wht was so unacceptable about making a comment like that.

I've been taking days to reply to texts for some time now and it's been 3 weeks since I last saw or spoke to her but I've now had a phonecall from her yesterday and a couple of texts, plus more texts today she doesn't seem to be getting the hint. Apparently this happens a lot, after a year or so people stop contacting her and she's been on the phone to me in tears before now because someones blown her out.

I suppose I'll ignore these latest texts a bit longer, she'll get the message eventually I guess. ho hum!

moomoomama27

I've been in a similar situation, my 'friends' was initially fine, then all of a sudden, BAM! I found the friendship so destructive, I always came away from a meet up feeling drained and down!

The only real way of letting someone down gently (I'm like you!), is to phase them out, it actually took several months for this to happen for me, and it didn't get nasty, when we see each other in the street it's not to the point when we'll ignore each other.

The best things to do is always be busy, and never make firm plans.

SailorSam

I've been there and got the tee-shirt, i agree you've got to ignore txts and phone calls. Mine is still going on after many years but much less annoying than it was.
I wish i was more mean sometimes and could bring myself to say ******* Off !

MFSaver

There is no nice way to do this. Phasing out is probably the best way to go.

victory

I agree, phase them out and just be too busy to see them, reply to texts and calls and stop being a shoulder to cry on, eventually she will get it

merlin68

Or you could arrange to meet her and not turn up, that's what I done when the other method failed.
I don't have any friends now got fed up with it all.