Supporting my husband, what can I do?

hypno06

Hi there, I have just read this through for the first time - don't know why I haven't seen it before as I seem to spend all my life on this site!!!!!

Anyway, you are bound to have crap weeks like this - we can't be making big improvements every single day. Sometimes there is an obstacle in the way or simply a case of taking a couple of steps backwards or standing still for a while.

I would suggest that you grab a coffee and a pad of paper and write down just what you have acheived in the last 3 or 4 months as a couple. So write down your starting debt, the car savings, the credit card shuffle, ebay etc etc etc and then take a good look at it and be proud.

Although my OH knows everything about our debt level etc he leaves all the finances to me - He is not irresponsible about our debt - he simply cannot afford to be - but he is a little scared about it I think and even when I went away last week with a friend for a much needed break (spending the last of my Dad's inheritance as the rest of it had gone straight off the debt) I came home to find ALL the post unopened!!! So I find this head in the sand approach very frustrating and feel as though I am the only one trying to make a difference, when deep down I know that it is not the case and we are doing this together, albeit in different ways!

So, grab that coffee, make that list and be proud of what you have both achieved so far.

I think you are making excellent progress and you will get that holiday soon, and will be able to afford it and enjoy it even more.

In the meantime, Easter weekend is going to be fab weatherwise so why not make plans for a picnic or something x

saffronflowers

HH - I have only just read through this - you are amazing and have done an increadible job. I too found out the extent of my husbands debt, I also took control!!!! I know how hard it is, especially as our washing machine broke last night, so £200 for a new one, but hey we are off to Norfolk camping this weekend which will be wonderful.

On the topic of camping I have a brand new tent that was only used once last year which I am more than happy for you to have free of charge, not galmarous but can be great fun hols or weekends away.

When I was very very poor! I first went camping thinking I would hate it and absolutely love it.

SFx

PS where are you as I can probably get it to you through my network of VW peeps

Seaxwyn

Oh helping hubby, I do so sympathise.

I'm in a similar situation to you and I fear it's turning me into a nasty person as resentment and blame are always bubbling just under the surface.

But just hold on to the fact that you are doing the right thing, and somewhere in his confused mind your hubby knows it and will respect you for it. Keep going on the DFW path and you will get your holidays again.

Hope you have a lovely Easter weekend

immoral_angeluk

helping hubby your posts are like me looking in a mirror (except you have more money that we do. lol.) as I'm in the same situation trying to help DH deal with debt and get some money sense. Just want to say well done on everything you've achieved so far and good luck for the future! You'll have that debt paid off in no time!

Wickedwatkins

Hello there

Just wanted to say what a brave woman you are and congratulations on sticking by your husband.

My husband confessed to me 2 years ago that he was £36000 in debt on credit cards that I didn't know about. It was tough and I have to be honest that it did cross my mind to leave him but we have a 4 year old daughter and once the initial shock subsided I was able to see things clearer. It hasn't been easy but we've worked together and after a serious amount of cutting back and being careful with our money, it seems that there is light at the end of the tunnel now. We did transfer about half of it into a loan and it makes it easier knowing that there is an end date in sight.

Just wanted to wish you all the best. You'll get there in the end and it'll make you stronger for it.

Wishing you a happy easter and good luck for the future.

misspoppy

Hi

I also want to congratulate you on how well you are doing. I can really feel your upset about a holiday. Would it be possible for you to take your Aunts offer by booking budget flights. My bf and I have got return flights to paris for £104 for the two of us inclusive. We did it by booking 6 months in advance with easyjet. Maybe you could use some of your mystery shopping money for it.

In the mean time, the best thing you can do is keep talking to your hubby and maybe start transfering responsibility for managing the finances to him so you don't feel you are doing it all.

helping_hubby

Thank you everyone for your support. It simply helps me feel better knowing that I'm not in this alone.

Seaxwyn

helping hubby, glad to hear you are feeling a bit better

I love camping too. There are lots of lovely sites, often they have all sorts of conveniences like hot showers, places to wash up etc.

You would need a cooker and stuff but could you borrow this? Otherwise, I've seen camping equipment offered on freecycle - if you have freecycle where you live, why not try posting a wanted ad there?

chevalier

ref non china plates. I found plastic camping plates in a charity shop. Might be worth a look for them there. Also you could put a want up on https://www.freecycle.org to see if anyone has one to give away. You do have to register with your local groups first, but that is free too.
chev

helping_hubby

Freecycle is a great idea...and I've done my fair share of offers recently (clearing out non-sellable-on-ebay items ready for house move).