Supporting my husband, what can I do?

plumduff-2

Definately get the credit report - both from Experion and Equifax £2 cost for each... this will show you exactly what debts he has - if has hidden any more..

And I would inform him that you will be applying for a CRF every year to keep up to date with everything...

I would also suggest contacting CCCS and seeing what advice they gove as they can go through all your income and expenditure... I would suggest getting this sorted before you commit to a mortgage...

Cos if things do deteriorate financially resulting in you stopping payments etc, then if you have a house, the creds could apply for a charging order...

Nothing to worry about at this stage... but it could be a complication... PLease phone CCCS...

Bestthingsinlifearefree

mmm...How about not talking while he is watching football ?

climbgirl

helping_hubby wrote:

Imelda, I understand your reasons for suggesting not to consolidate. This is infact how he got into so much trouble to begin with. Lloyds kepted offering him to increase his loan to pay off his card and overdraft and then he'd simply fill up the loan and overdraft again! But my financial head tells me to get him to apply for a loan to cover these cards. If he got lucky - OK so not likely, if he got a loan on 6.3% we'd be paying £300 a month over 5 years instead. And it'd be easier to manage than 6 credit cards (6 because he had 1 that I knew about).

Your financial head says that a consolidation loan would mean lower interest rates and you're probably right (without knowing his credit card APRs).

But it's his financial head that will have the loan and like you said he's got into trouble and made the classic consolidation mistakes in the past. I'm not convinced he's shown that he's changed his ways enough to not run up the credit cards again once they're consolidated.

Besides, if he's got large credit card debt you're going to struggle to get a loan for 6.3%......

flowerofscotland

Welcome.

Re your question about your liability if anything happened to your husband - you are not responsible for his debts unless they have been taken out in joint names (as most mortgages are). However if he left any assets e.g. from a life insurance policy his creditors (loans, credit cards) would be entitled to be repaid from the estate. If you had an overdraft on a joint account then the remaining partner is responsible for the debt.

Don't know if this will help but DH and I have always had separate bank accounts but in joint names (if that makes sense). So if anything happens to one of us the other can access the money easily but we each control our own money. It hasn't stopped us getting into financial difficulties from time to time but at least it has helped with transparency and responsiiblity (both of which I think are important in a marriage).

Has your DH cancelled the credit card accounts as well as cutting up the cards. Unless he does this (and gets confirmation in writing of the cancellation) they will show on his credit file and potentially make it more difficult to get a mortgage as lenders look at the credit you have available as well as what you actually owe). Not to mention that cut up cards can always be replaced - all it takes is a quick phone call to the company.

Good luck - keep posting as you will get lots of support here

SSB

Hi
Just to say good luck, I see that you are getting some really good advice already. I can see your point of not being able to trust him at the moment, however you need to be careful that the finances do not end up being 'your thing'. Your partner will not able re-educate himself if you are the driving force behind everything.

Especially if there is any further difficulties, it will be easy for him to say ' well, you dealt with it all, I felt out of control... Could not help myself... I did not realise what I was doing...' I am not disrespecting your partner, but spending can be a powerful addiction and it's causes will need to be tackled.

Keep posting, we will be here to support you.

louisesfreedom

hi. I just wanted to say that this is a great thread. I was on the 'other side' of a similar situation - admitting my situation to my partner - less than a week ago. He's been understanding about it, just as you are, but he has a different mindset to debt than me (his is probably much like yours is, actually - he's never been in debt and lives carefully so that he doesn't need it). I think a couple of people have made points already about that mindset being an issue. I know fine well that I can cut a card up this evening and then call the issuer tomorrow and ask for a new one. I've done that myself a couple of times with my sister, and I'd bet your husband knows that's possible too!!!! I've also done the stuff like paying for takeaways and saying I could afford it - one of the things that troubles me is that I don't want him to feel bad about having 'benefitted' from that sort of thing.

BUT from what you say, he really has turned a corner and had a little lightbulb moment of his own. If he's making the effort with ebay and such, it sounds as though he really wants to resolve this. I'd say, though, that the greatest step forward for me was telling my partner. I'd bet (if I was a betting girl!) that he's feeling a million times better just for telling you, and I'd also bet that he's probably thinking that you're the best thing since sliced bread for helping him through this!

If you can balance that help with making sure that he gets some joy out of little treats and bargain hunting (I'm still giddy from getting some cut-price bread on Saturday evening!), I'm sure he'd appreciate that.

Good luck to you both.

x

abbecer

I was in a similarsition at one time with my DH. We were getting our first house and i didn't have any idea how much he owed to credit cards. It wasn't thousands and thousands but our income at that time was very small so it did really affect us. We sat down together worked everything out with a plan of action. We wrote down what needed doing, who needed phoning etc. I reminded him of these things and prompted him to do it (sometimes verging on nagging) but i made sure he did it as he was responsible for the debt.

Rebecca x

helping_hubby

Thanks louisesfreedom, it's really good to hear from people who are...don't know how to say it, like my husband I guess.

We've done lots and lots of talking in the last week or so and I've thought of lots of ideas how to solve this problem. Changed my mind a million times too. I'm trying to take on board what people have said about trying to get him to learn a lesson from this even if it means solving this the hard way...

My immediate thought was to consolidate, but that is what has got him into trouble in the first place. But I couldn't help getting my head round the voice in my head that keeps saying it makes financial sense to get a loan for all the cards.

Anyway, we've looked into the credit card shuffle. He has 1 empty card with a healthy credit limit, and we phoned and they are doing an existing customer offer of 6.9% for life of a balance transfer. So that will be step one, moving nearly £5k from the highest card onto that. Then shuffling the rest around till they are all on low life interest rates.

I feel that if he still has 5 cards to manage he may be more motivated to pay them off quicker. A loan in comparison is an easy way out and he'll be paying fixed amount every month for 5 years or so and maybe the temptation of using the cards will rise again? Maybe if he gets to feel the satisfaction of clearing one card at a time then that will help?

I'm believing the lightbulb moment has occurred. He has 2 people round tomorrow to view the car. He's made just over £500 on ebay in a week! And still has loads left to sell. The car should make him a £2k profit after buying another cheaper to run car. So thats £2.5k down in just a few weeks. And the cheaper petrol, car insurance, road tax will save about £50 a month at least...so more money to go on paying those cards.

I'm very proud of him. I just wish he'd come to me sooner. So anyone else out there in a similar situation, please tell your other halves, or parents, or get some free advice or even tell the guys on here. And the sooner the better really...

Imelda

That's great news helping_hubby!

Do keep us updated on how it's going.

All the best!

RibenaBerry_2

Just a suggestion on the 'not being a nag' issue.

My hubby and I have a standing appointment to discuss money/debts once a week. A week is a short enough time for nothing to have gone badly wrong, but means that I know I'm not allowed to nag at other times, and he knows that during the 'appointment' he has to be willing to sit down and discuss things. It might not work for everyone, but it does for us...