OS Thread for Wed 17th Jan 2007

Blairweech

Good afternoon,

Haven't read the thread yet. Last week I applied for a job that I *really* wanted - working for a lighting hire company - the woman rang this morning asking me to come for a test tomorrow! :j :j :j. Considering how nervous I was on Monday, imagine what I'll be like for this, my dream job :eek: I think I'm just going to go with making sure she knows how enthusiastic I am and how much I would love the job.

So, plans for today have completely changed - we are going on a reccy in a little bit so that I know where I'm going. Have to take the Devonport car ferry - something else scary, as if I didn't have enough stress

Have a good one!

ShirleyPark_2

taplady wrote:

Yes its very dark inthere. He says his body is so tired but he cant switch his mind off to get to sleep, and of course its like a vicious circle because he worries about it!Have tried relaxation tapes and no caffeine after tea but no luck! if anyone has any other ideas I'd be most grateful!

I have this problem, most of the time my mind starts worrying about things at night - which of course makes the little worries into big worries as everything appears worse late at night when it's dark.

The only solution I have ever really found is to listen to the radio or have the tv on, music doesn't cut it for me, but basically something for my mind to concentrate on rather than worrying about stuff. When things were really really bad (signed off work with stress and depression), I also had a "master to do list", which I basically just added anything that needed to be done to that list thus removing from my head so I didn't have to worry about it. I think he needs to work out what it is that's causing his mind to not switch off and try and work on those things during the day (somehow) as that might make falling asleep easier.

dannahaz

jellycat40 wrote:

He said he had issues to talk about. I honestly could not see what the problems are. They were listed as:

1. I control the money and he wants to
2. I have problems with his kids (true but with reason)
3. I sleep alot and use my depression as a weapon
4. He does not like the way I load the dishwasher
5. He does not like the way the toilet rolls on the holder
6. If he makes himself available at the weekend then we should do stuff to gether and not get on with the housework etc.
Louise

Hi Lou, what a miserable time for you.

On the positive side, it's really good that he wants to talk about all this. If you can get it out in the open then you can get it sorted...it's much more harmful to repress these things and have the resentment build up. Remember that it's often really difficult for someone to bring up problems, and sometimes things don't really come out as the person meant.

Please don't think I'm nitpicking, but so often we hear what we think we hear, not what the person tries to say. You mention " If he wants to go out on his own at the weekends then fine I will let him while I stay home and do the chores"... but in your list of what he actually said it's "we should do stuff to gether and not get on with the housework etc" . That sounds a bit different to me. That doesn't really sound like he wants to go out while you do the chores, it sounds like he wants to go out and spend time together with you.

If getting the chores done at the weekend is really important, maybe you could agree to do certain chores, and then spend the rest of the time out of the house having fun together?

As he's taking time off to talk with you, maybe you can use the opportunity to help him understand how you feel too? One really effective way of doing this is to say "I feel (emotion) about (specifically what it is) because (why you feel this way)". The three parts are really important, as just saying "I'm really upset that you want to manage the money" (for example) doesn't help the other person understand.

As an example: "I feel really angry that you want to manage the money, because it makes me think you think I'm not doing a good job" is much more helpful than "I'm angry that you want to manage the money". What if he's suggesting managing the money because he wants to help take some responsibility? Having the "because..." bit, will really help him see where you are coming from.

I actually find it quite helpful myself in understanding why I feel the way I do sometimes.

Hope it goes well xxxxx

dlb

Afternoon all.
Having a good day today, managed to knocked together sausage caserole for tea, out of some left over stew i had in freezer, some cabage and a few onions and tin of sweetcorn and of cause sausage.
House fairly tidy, council workmen have now left as they are waiting for two new panels to be made as the ones they brought were too big. I am so pleased it looks so much better and safer than it did, inspector came and asked me if i was happy and said sorry for the mess they have made of the garden.

Havent got to be at school until 4.30 as all boys at school footy training.
So just having a quick break and browse, then im off to finish off boys room.

Catch up with you all later
Donna
xx

BusyGirl

Hello to everyone. There seem to be a lot of tired people here today, including me. I wasn't in work today and I had planned to go for a swim, but I was too tired and I have been busy doing things at home.
dlb Well I made my first Oatibix cake today using your recipe. I used sultanas instead of cherries and I'm scoffing a 'hot' piece as I type.
We're having shepherd's pie and carrots for tea today with smoothies and followed by...Oatibix cake! :T

chardonnay_2

rchddap1: lovely to hear from you and thanks for the update on lily. glad she is doing well, take care of yourself too!

jellycat big hugs. i agree it is good your OH wants to talk and sort out things although some of his 'issues' seem a bit petty. what is wrong with the dishwasher /toilet rolls. does he want you to leave them for him to do? or do you redo what he has done?

i do think it sounds like he wants to spend time with YOU!!!!!!!!!! at the weekend not alone or out.

re his kids from your posts i know you've had trouble with them. does he want to control the money so he can spend on them too? do you treat them differently to your own kids and if so is this obvious & is this why they are acting out? i think the fact he still wants to spend time with them after the problems you have had as a family is admirable plus he still wants to provide for them. the main thing is he must ensure they treat you with RESPECT.


re your depression - HE needs to support you, if his kids make things difficult he has to step in and sort it out. if housework gets on top of you explain this and ask if he will help so you can have fun together at weekends

it's just started snowing here

Bexstars

Good afternoon everyone

Im having a a tea break while baby sleeping before starting again. Its my daughters 1st birthday today and im doing a party/tea later on. Made cake this morning, a carrot cake with orange frosting that looks like a pile of orange gloop on a plate but at least it tastes nice! the house is decorated in balloons and I have the veg prepped for tea now all I need to do is all the tidying up.........after my cup of tea

Hope its a good day for everyone x

anniebooklover

Aaaaaaarggggh! Just lost my whole message. :mad: Site is slow today.

Hi rach, welcome to OS. Jellycat hope you manage to work things out with OH. Its good he wants to talk - so long as he is prepared to listen to you too. blairweech good luck tomorrow. rchddap glad to hear Lily is doing well now. You have had a tough couple of months. Look after yourself.

DD's school is having a toy and book sale to raise money for charity during Lent so guess what we will be doing this pm? I haven't found space for all the Crimbo pressies yet so I hope they clear loads.

Take care if you are out and about in these high winds today.

Happy birthday Miss Bexstars!

Shez

Hello Everyone!:hello:

Gosh I havent been on here for days! I dont have anything interesting to say really.....

DS2 is off school with nasty cold, cough, clogged up eyes! DH has been told he's got "raised" cholesterol:eek: - so we are now trying to eat more healthily SO OUT with the baking cakes im afraid!:o

Watched that Gillian McKeith last nite - she's frightening:eek: - I keep meaning to done some exercise but STILL havent done any - PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME A KICK UP THE JACKSY! but by the time i get kids to bed etc - i just want to sit down with a cuppa a veg out!
Well done Amie999:T (I'm so jealous).

((Hugs)) to baby lily - Im so glad she's getting on now, bless you xx
((jellycat)) sounds like youve taken positive steps, hope things get sorted out between you (lifes too short to argu over DW!)
((Hugs)) to Master Taplady - agree with burning the lavinder oil!
Congrats to PennyPenguin on the baby news!:T
Happy birthday Ms Bexstars :T Well done Blairweech! good luck

Hope everyone has a good day!

anniestar

Small update, Its offical I AM USELESS. Done NOTHING at all today. Looked for some more spare cash(found a bit), spent far too long on the net and that's just about it. Hangs head in shame. Will try harder tomorrow. Hope you are all well, warm , safe and happy. Have a good afternoon/evening.