My situation .. What can I do?

System

DUTR , I don't believe I said that the OP HAS to "create a relationship" did I?

Yes it is "one line of thought" and hence not exactly up for agreement or disagreement per se... it is however "one line of thought" that the OP may wish to consider.

We all make mistakes, very few of them are best dealt with by abdicating any responsibility ( especially those which have resulted from something we did for our own pleasure originally!).

DUTR

Purbeck wrote: »

DUTR , I don't believe I said that the OP HAS to "create a relationship" did I?

Yes it is "one line of thought" and hence not exactly up for agreement or disagreement per se... it is however "one line of thought" that the OP may wish to consider.

We all make mistakes, very few of them are best dealt with by abdicating any responsibility ( especially those which have resulted from something we did for our own pleasure originally!).

No I'm not saying that you did say he has to , you did write " You want to be able to say "I did everything I could reasonably do "...don't you?"

It is the OP's life so the whys and therefores of how he lives it is up to him and him alone, he should make any choice regarding offspring for his own self reasoning, not through others thrying to make him feel guilty about it. I know I have been chastised in other posts for being a pay n go NRP, but whether family , friends or people on the internet, as yet, nobody has given me a good reason why I should have it any other way.
Who wants to say to a child I'm only with your mother/father because we were expecting you! or I felt too guilty to live my own life ?

Sometimes life is harsh and we have to make difficult choices.

Fiver29

DUTR wrote: »

In post #74 you wrote " I really don't know how anyone could want nothing to do with one child," which I can see what you are saying, and agree if the child(ren) are the pinnacle of that person's life, however not everybody feels that way and that is the other side of the coin. Where have I missed your viewpoint?

Did you actually bother to read what I wrote?

System

It wasn't my intention to chastise or make anyone feel guilty ( or attempt to lol) .

There are many good ( and indeed unselfish) reasons why some non resident parents feel it better to keep their distance, and no way would I EVER suggest that couples stay together for the 'sake of the child'...oh no!

Life IS harsh and difficult choices are made, but always better to make them having considered all options I think? It may well be that the OP chooses options not posted here so far, that is entirely up to him ( current partner and previous partner also come to that). I was just trying to throw in some thoughts on the subject for 'consideration'... given that I can ( and have) seen it from both sides.

System

To clarify my comment " You want to be able to say "I did everything I could reasonably do "...don't you?"

That would be what 'I' would want to be able to say to my child ...regardless of the subject lol... like for eg, I got into debt but to solve the problem "I did everything I reasonably could do" lol. I'm not suggesting that is the way everyone SHOULD feel, just that they might?

DUTR

Purbeck wrote: »

It wasn't my intention to chastise or make anyone feel guilty ( or attempt to lol) .

There are many good ( and indeed unselfish) reasons why some non resident parents feel it better to keep their distance, and no way would I EVER suggest that couples stay together for the 'sake of the child'...oh no!

Life IS harsh and difficult choices are made, but always better to make them having considered all options I think? It may well be that the OP chooses options not posted here so far, that is entirely up to him ( current partner and previous partner also come to that). I was just trying to throw in some thoughts on the subject for 'consideration'... given that I can ( and have) seen it from both sides.

Thanks , at least you can see we need not fall out over the issue which at present is not real. Perhaps you can explain fiver29 's post above as I must be too thick to understand it, and they have not got the capacity to elaborate, the point they are trying to make at this time

System

lol DUTR, haven't come here to fall out, new to posting on the site and finding the spread of topics very interesting.

One thing I have learnt ( for my sins being of a certain age) is that very little in life is 'black and white' lol.

crazy_gooner

Interesting posts and again I appreciate everyones views and comments.

I know this isn't the child's fault, but the mother knew how I felt, I didn't find out she was pregnant until 2 and a half months must I add, from seeing her facebook picture myself and me having to have to question the girl I slept with's mother.

She then said I wasn't the dad and she wants nothing from me, I complied and said I want nothing to do since day 1, since I was seriously lied too in many ways and it was a mistake. Then saying they wont contribute towards a DNA test because they already did one. Now which isn't fair because she is known to have a rep.

I had a tarot reading done by 2 highly regarded people, both said a child is in distance, but it isn't mine.

I'm a white male, I've seen a picture of the baby, the baby is white, they did a DNA test with a black guy, so what the hell?

I'd rather not be part of someone's life at all than play bit part feeling forced, atleast the child can grow up as they are taught in one direction.

I can see other people's views, and I get what you guys mean.

I am not aiming to play happy families, I love my partner and I will do everything I can for this child in terms of support even if one day we split up.

I will also tell the child when he/she is old enough that they have a half brother out there, and the situation honestly how I told my mrs's from the get go, because I'm an honest and straigt forward person. Then if my child had a bad opinion of me, fine, but if they wish to know their half sibling, I will give any details I know.

Again, I know I sound terrible, but the situation is a unique one, and the mother also has her self to blame for lieing to me contantly and knowing I did not want a child with her.

Thanks for everyone's responses.

DUTR

Purbeck wrote: »

lol DUTR, haven't come here to fall out, new to posting on the site and finding the spread of topics very interesting.

One thing I have learnt ( for my sins being of a certain age) is that very little in life is 'black and white' lol.

Indeed, the spread of topics are wide and varied as are viewpoints, sometimes folk cannot see the wood for the trees and sometimes there simply is not a one size fits all answer. :cool:

RedSky

crazy_gooner wrote: »

whilst i understand what your saying, i disagree. my father was a bit part figure in my life, in and out and to be honest id rather he never bothered than be in and out.

I agree with crazy gooner. Given a choice my ideal scenario would be to raise a child within a family unit but when this is not an option I can see there are limited alternatives. If an NRP is to start parenting without even a healthy relationship with either the other parent or child then sometimes the lesser of two evils is to not be a parent at all rather than end up doing it badly.