My situation .. What can I do?

gratefulforhelp_2

crazy_gooner wrote: »

I was told they do not want my money, and because of the situation they wouldn't want to put me through hell.

This can change at any moment.

My understanding is that clearingout is correct, any case will start from the date she starts a case (if she ever does).

If it were me I would put away the 15% until such a time as it is clear what is likely to happen.

I can't see any reason why you can't ring CSA and ask them hypothetical questions (though if a case does get opened, you would be well advised to only communicate with them in writing).

FBaby

In the end, you are indeed better off putting 15% of your salary away just in case. The worse thing, and indeed what might seem unfair to the nrp is when arrears have accumulated because of their delay to decide on the claim. From their point of view, as a father, you should be contributing from the moment the child is born, so it's not unreasonable to backdate until at least the day they contacted you.

Remember that noone, and certainly not the csa care that you were tricked into having a child. You look at it from your perspective and because it wasn't planned, amends should be made, but it doesn't work like that. You made a mistake that young boys and girls make, having sex unprotected, it doesn't make you a bad person, but it makes you a dad (potentially) and therefore an adult who needs to accept the consequences of his act and faces up to his responsibilities. Why should csa pay half of the dna test? They didn't have unprotected sex, the kids is not theirs. They are only collecting on behalf of the pwc. The fact that you might think it is unfair you should pay all in none of their concern.

tankdaman

just go self employed

crazy_gooner

Thanks for all the responses guys and I've read every single one, I am grateful.

I do not know the girls details in full, I got hold of her mums number through facebook, I've respect for people that treat people well, and they did to me during the brief time Isaw and spoke to them.

I said for them (as the girl with the baby) to pay half for the dna test. She said she only slept with two people and therfore is not willing to contribute towards a DNA test, ( I do not believe this) and the other persons DNA came back as not his child, and they are now saying it has to be mine, the child looks like me etc (baby's change!).

Her parents again, have said to me she has not contacted the CSA and doesn't think she will, and they would advise her against it 9and have told me to keep in touch with them, they understand where I'm coming from with the situation)

If the CSA contact me, I will deny/question being the father and tell them exactly what I suggested before to the girl and agree to pay if I am proven to be through their DNA test. That way arrears surely cannot start building from now, judging by the responses I have been given on here.

Also with CSA, if it does come to it, can I jsut give her the money through bank tranfer every month or would it have to be docked out from them? I'd rather keep things discreet at work.

I'm thinking of emailing them on monday with some general queries and the situation. I know they don't care about people, but perhaps I'll have answers in writing from them to back me up a little. I would rather that than ask questions and get answers over the phone.

Thanks for everyone's time and repsonses, again I truly appreciate it.

PreludeForTimeFeelers

A couple of points to make - if she opens a case then the 'effective date', ie the day that your liability begins, is either when they call you or when they issue the letter to you. They will usually try phoning you 3 times over 2 days, at different times of the day. Does she have your address/phone number? If so then (assuming she puts in a claim) at least you wouldn't have to worry about it being sent to the wrong address.

Also, although an NRP can apply to open a case, under these circumstances he wouldn't be able to get a CSA-organised DNA test. If he applies to pay child maintenance then he is accepting paternity.

PreludeForTimeFeelers

crazy_gooner wrote: »

Also with CSA, if it does come to it, can I jsut give her the money through bank tranfer every month or would it have to be docked out from them? I'd rather keep things discreet at work..

Yes, you could pay by monthly direct debit, as long as you complied with them then there would be no reason for them to get the money deducted from your wages if you wanted to keep things private.

DUTR

crazy_gooner wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses guys and I've read every single one, I am grateful.

I do not know the girls details in full, I got hold of her mums number through facebook, I've respect for people that treat people well, and they did to me during the brief time Isaw and spoke to them.

I said for them (as the girl with the baby) to pay half for the dna test. She said she only slept with two people and therfore is not willing to contribute towards a DNA test, ( I do not believe this) and the other persons DNA came back as not his child, and they are now saying it has to be mine, the child looks like me etc (baby's change!).

Her parents again, have said to me she has not contacted the CSA and doesn't think she will, and they would advise her against it 9and have told me to keep in touch with them, they understand where I'm coming from with the situation)

If the CSA contact me, I will deny/question being the father and tell them exactly what I suggested before to the girl and agree to pay if I am proven to be through their DNA test. That way arrears surely cannot start building from now, judging by the responses I have been given on here.

Also with CSA, if it does come to it, can I jsut give her the money through bank tranfer every month or would it have to be docked out from them? I'd rather keep things discreet at work.

I'm thinking of emailing them on monday with some general queries and the situation. I know they don't care about people, but perhaps I'll have answers in writing from them to back me up a little. I would rather that than ask questions and get answers over the phone.

Thanks for everyone's time and repsonses, again I truly appreciate it.

On the MEF form, there is no space to put your story, the charge is basically you are the father? This can only be assumed if you were married or your name appears on the birth certificate, she could have slept with a whole rugby team, the csa or anybody else will not be interested. You tick the box to say you do not agree with being the father and you will get an invite to participate in a DNA test at specified Drs local to your choice, the PWC will get the same, once the results are analyzed then dependent upon results, 5 weeks or 2 months payslips have to be submitted and you will recieve a payment schedule for the next 12 months with a start date.

You do not have to pay via DEO and in fairness some employers would rather lose the employee than have to deal with the csa, DD or standing order is an option, I would recommend SO to the CSA or at worst SO to the PWC, however you have not come to that bridge.
babies do change when my PWC sent me a pic of my child , didn't look much like me, but after she has matured , there is no need for the DNA test (although I still opted for one as it is my right to do so) , but stop worrying you are not a criminal just because you pay csa :cool:

crazy_gooner

Thanks guys. I believe her parents do have my phone number.

It makes me feel better knowing that until they contact me I have nothing to worry about. If I have to pay, I have to pay, I wont try and evade it's my mistake for trusting someone.

My Mrs's has been supportive too which is good.

Also, how would I tell them I have a child on the way in february, because they would have to take that into consideration and deduct the CSA's money given to the girl I slept with right.

Thanks alot!

DUTR

crazy_gooner wrote: »

Thanks guys. I believe her parents do have my phone number.

It makes me feel better knowing that until they contact me I have nothing to worry about. If I have to pay, I have to pay, I wont try and evade it's my mistake for trusting someone.

My Mrs's has been supportive too which is good.

Also, how would I tell them I have a child on the way in february, because they would have to take that into consideration and deduct the CSA's money given to the girl I slept with right.

Thanks alot!

it's not just women who go all emotional when a baby is on the way, indeed all sorts will go through your mind, and it is not to say the girl tried to trap you, she is probably as 'dissapointed' as you are , pushing a pram around and all the other stuff single mums have to do, may not be all fun, and sooner or later the child will be at school , when fathers day or school events come along, the child won't be feeling too great as their peers are having daddy attend parents evening , school plays, etc, we cannot change what has happened in the past, but we do have some control over what happens in the future, yes it may feel like the end of the world but it definately is not, you are not the 1st to be in your situation and won't be the last, if others can survive the situation, then there is no reason that you cannot too.

PreludeForTimeFeelers

crazy_gooner wrote: »

Also, how would I tell them I have a child on the way in february, because they would have to take that into consideration and deduct the CSA's money given to the girl I slept with right.

Thanks alot!

If they do contact you about a case being opened, then you can tell them at that point that your current partner is pregnant. You'd need to contact them when your new child is born to notify them of this, so they can take this into account, and reduce the amount that you have to pay.